AITA for removing access to certain things for my roommate that refuses to pay rent?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Tensions simmered in a cramped apartment where one woman bore the weight of a household unraveling. As the sole name on the lease, she juggled bills and late fees, her patience fraying like an old rug. Enter her roommate—a mother of three who swept in with promises of shared rent but delivered only chaos. Months passed, unpaid bills piled up, and whispersoader turned into outright defiance. The air grew thick with frustration as WiFi passwords changed and dishes vanished, each move a desperate bid to reclaim control.

Yet, guilt gnawed at her heart. Three young faces, caught in the crossfire, made every decision ache. Was she the villain for drawing lines in the sand? Readers leaned in, torn between fairness and compassion, eager to unravel this messy tangle of loyalty, responsibility, and tough love in a home stretched to its breaking point.

‘AITA for removing access to certain things for my roommate that refuses to pay rent?’

I'm the only one on the lease and the head of the household. I take care of all the bills, including the late fees when my roommates are late or just refuse to pay. I have a

She has 3 kids (between the ages of 3 and 8) with 2 different baby daddies, which I'm often not made aware when they're coming to visit despite being told that she needs to tell me beforehand, and she only has the youngest full time. She lost her job shortly after moving in and has since refused to get another one, stating that she can't work and take care of them.

In October I gave her a 30 day notice which included a forgiveness for past due rent as long as she left. After the 30 days she stated that she wasn't going to leave and I couldn't make her because

Since then these are the following actions that have been made, to which she has complained about to our other roommate who use to be her friend (he stopped when her actions threatened his housing). Removing access to our WiFi. To which she stated

Removing all the dishes and kitchenware. We paid for them and whenever she did the dishes (or had her oldest do them) there would still be food and grease on them and I'd have to wash them again before even using them. Removal of the microwave after telling her multiple times to keep it clean especially after her kids use it.

It was often disgusting and now hardly works.. She eventually got her own plates and microwave in her room. We thought about locking the fridge and freezer as our food has gone missing multiple times. Install cameras in our rooms as some small items have also gone missing.

Since her refusal to move out she has been banned from dollar general due to theft, refused to find work or follow the rules, has more than tripled our electricity which was $30 prior to her moving in and almost $200 in the winter, wont contribute to anything, and we had to have a fourth roommate move in (which we don't have the space for) just to cover her rent..

My landlord is aware and refuses to take action. I believe that when you have kids they are entirely your responsibility. They are also the only reason I didn’t take further actions to have her removed in the winter. Due to the kids being involved it has made me feel bad when perusing actions and has been the main reason for the delay of said actions.

However they can't be used as a crutch to guilt trip people into allowing you to do whatever you want. And the freeloader has absolutely no remorse for her actions. So AITA for refusing access to certain things for the freeloader? And does anyone have any advice that could help resolve this situation?

Navigating a freeloading roommate feels like tiptoeing through a minefield of resentment. The OP’s situation—caught between enforcing boundaries and worrying about kids—highlights a classic clash of personal responsibility versus misplaced loyalty. On one side, the OP is burdened with covering escalating costs, from a $30 electric bill ballooning to $200. On the other, the roommate leans on her children’s presence as a shield, dodging accountability while chaos reigns.

This standoff mirrors broader issues of cohabitation gone wrong. According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 59% of U.S. adults have lived with roommates, with financial disputes topping the list of conflicts. The OP’s actions—cutting WiFi, hiding dishes—read like a satirical jab at passive-aggressive warfare, but they stem from a real need to protect her home. Meanwhile, the roommate’s refusal to leave or work suggests entitlement that frays communal trust.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Conflict is inevitable, but respect and clear communication can prevent escalation” (gottman.com). Applied here, Gottman’s insight reveals the OP’s misstep: indirect measures like locking fridges sidestep the root issue—eviction. The roommate’s defiance thrives in this limbo, exploiting the OP’s hesitation over the kids. Gottman might argue for a direct conversation, laying out consequences with empathy but firmness, to break the cycle.

The larger issue touches on tenant rights and social safety nets. In many U.S. states, squatters gain protections after 30 days, complicating evictions. The OP’s delay, fueled by compassion, risks her own stability. Advice? Consult a lawyer to file for eviction, documenting every unpaid bill and broken rule. Local housing authorities can clarify steps, ensuring legal clarity. For the kids’ sake, connect the roommate to social services—many cities offer family aid programs (usa.gov).

Ultimately, the OP must balance kindness with self-preservation. Readers might weigh in: how do you enforce rules without feeling like the bad guy? Share your thoughts below to keep this discussion alive.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a mix of spicy takes and practical tips. Here’s a peek at what the crowd had to say, raw and unfiltered:

kimba-the-tabby-lion − YTA for letting this go on this long. Evict her.. If you want to give thousands to support single mothers, please do so - but this isn't the way.

Stranger0nReddit − NTA but holy hell why on earth have you not involved a lawyer and started a formal eviction process?

dca_user − Info: have you even tried to talk to a lawyer or report her to CPS? The stuff she’s doing with her kids may not be legal.

the_greengrace − YTA for not just evicting her after she didn't pay the first time. Taking the dishes and locking the fridge and installing cameras all to avoid just doing the obvious. Evict her. She obviously doesn't care about any of the other things and she'll stay until the police march her out.. So do that.

mygirl326 − If you are in the USA, chances are that you could go to your local court house and file for eviction. She would be served with a court date, and the judge would make the decision. My husband and I had to do this with his daughter, 18 month old twins, and the baby daddy. I documented their behavior with pictures and a record of how many deadlines we gave them to move out. Judge put them out immediately. I'm in Maryland. The filing fee was minimal.

religionlies2u − NTA but honestly the only way forward if the landlord refuses to act is to inform your landlord that you will be leaving when the lease is up. Then he can deal with the squatter directly. Right now he’s got no motivation bc you’re still paying. Is it fair for you to have to be the one to move? No but consider it a lesson learned on letting people move in with you. No good deed goes unpunished.

KrofftSurvivor − When does your lease end?. Have you considered just moving out?

IrresistibleRuby-May − NTA, you got a whole freeloadin squad turnin your crib into a flop house. Shorty ain’t paid a dime since August, got random baby daddies poppin up like side quests, and mad you cut the WiFi? Nahhh, she livin rent-free and stressin you out. Lock that fridge, deadbolt the vibes, and lawyer TF up. You ain't runnin a shelter, this ain’t the Sims.

classicicedtea − INFO.  I'm the only one on the lease. I think I would talk to a lawyer about your options. 

Tangerine_Bouquet − NTA for not providing *anything* to a freeloading non-paying person in your space. You're probably going to need to make this the landlord's problem to get anything done. That means giving your notice and moving, probably. I'm sorry. It sucks for you and any other, reliable roommates.

First consult a lawyer to see if you have eviction procedures available to you. It may be only the landlord who can proceed that way (although it's unclear). If you have a lease/agreement with this person, you could go to court for the money, it just may not be an eviction through proper channels, which is what's needed at this point.

These Redditors aren’t shy, but do their hot takes hold up in the real world? Maybe it’s time to sift through the noise and see what sticks.

This tale of clashing roommates leaves us pondering where fairness ends and tough love begins. The OP’s stuck in a tug-of-war between guilt over kids and the need to reclaim her home. It’s a messy slice of life that sparks questions about boundaries and backbone. What would you do if a freeloader turned your space upside down? Drop your thoughts below—have you faced a similar standoff, or do you have tips to share? Let’s keep the conversation rolling!

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