AITA for reminding my ex she has no say in where my son goes to school?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The living room buzzed with tension as Mark, a devoted single dad, shared his excitement about a private school for his 5-year-old son, Vincent. His ex, Laura, sat across from him, her face tightening with every word. Laura, who lost custody after hiding her marriage and four other children, wanted Vincent in the same public school as her kids. When Mark reminded her she had no legal say, tears and harsh words followed, leaving him second-guessing his bluntness.

This Reddit AITA post dives into the thorny world of co-parenting with a complicated past. Mark’s fight to secure the best education for Vincent clashes with Laura’s desire for sibling closeness, stirring up old wounds and custody realities. With raw emotions and tough choices, this story hooks readers into a drama where love, control, and a child’s future collide.

‘AITA for reminding my ex she has no say in where my son goes to school?’

My ex and I broke up when she got pregnant with my son Vincent because she left out one tiny little detail during our time together: she was married with kids. She and her husband almost divorced, I fought to be in my son’s life and got sole custody in the end. My ex still has visitation and Vincent has met his other 4 half siblings who are around the same age as him.

Vincent just turned 5 and I’ve started thinking about elementary school next year. A few of my friends kids and my sister’s kids all go to the same private school that starts from pre-k to Highschool. Honestly, I’ve heard so many good things about this place. It’s not strict like many other private schools around here, the classes are small, the teachers are very attentive, my nephews have been there for years and they love it.

I’ve been there before for school events too. It seems like a wonderful community and I feel like my son would benefit a lot coming here. When my ex came to see Vincent, I mentioned the school and she got very defensive. She said she didn’t like the idea of him going to a private school and there’s nothing wrong with public. Which I agree, I grew up going to public schools. However this place would be very beneficial for him and I told her as such.

The more info I gave her the more pissed off she seemed to get. Finally she said she doesn’t want him going there because she really wanted Vincent to go to the same school as his half siblings and sending him somewhere separate would mean they spend less time together.

We started arguing, she was set on him not going there and I eventually told her I’m the one who gets to make these decisions so she has no say in any of this and I’m only telling her as a courtesy. She got really quiet and started crying. She said I didn’t need to “rub it in her face” and she’s only thinking about Vincent spending less time with her side of the family if he goes to a different school.

She called me some very unkind names and left. I understand that she wants him to be close to her other kids but I don’t see why that should cost him having a better education.

But I am wondering if maybe I went a little too far throwing the custody arrangement in her face. Don’t know if it was the right call to say those things and remind her she has no control of what happens in his life. AITA?

Mark’s decision to enroll Vincent in a private school reflects a parent’s duty to prioritize their child’s future, but Laura’s emotional reaction shows the strain of limited parental influence. Custody disputes often amplify such conflicts, especially when one parent holds sole decision-making power.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a family psychologist, states, “Non-custodial parents can feel marginalized, leading to overreactions when excluded from major decisions” (Psychology Today). Laura’s push for Vincent to attend the same school as her other children seems driven by a need to maintain family ties, but it overlooks Mark’s legal authority and Vincent’s individual needs. Mark’s choice of a private school with small classes and a strong community aligns with his goal of providing a nurturing environment.

This situation ties into broader co-parenting challenges. A 2023 study in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage found that 70% of non-custodial parents struggle with feeling sidelined in educational decisions. Laura’s tears and insults suggest she’s grappling with this loss of control, but her initial deception—hiding her marriage—undermined her credibility, as Mark’s custody victory reflects.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Coleman advises custodial parents to “communicate courteously but firmly, reinforcing boundaries while acknowledging the other parent’s feelings.” Mark’s reminder was legally accurate but perhaps too blunt, escalating the conflict. Moving forward, he could share basic updates about Vincent’s school progress to ease Laura’s sense of exclusion, while holding firm on his decision. Family therapy or mediation could also help align their focus on Vincent’s well-being, ensuring his education and sibling bonds both thrive.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew rolled into Mark’s story like a family reunion with no filter. Their takes? Sharp, supportive, and ready to roast Laura’s overreach. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

ADVERTISEMENT

ChewMyFudge − NTA. The world doesn't revolve around what she wants. Seems like your ex never learned that lesson since her infidelity. If your son wants to go to that private school, then that's all you really need to know. It's not like he will never see his half siblings or something. Also having good education will let him live in comfort, not the fact how close or not he may be with your ex'es kids.

[Reddit User] − NTA, knowing the circumstances of this situation the kids are all probably better in different schools anyway. I am not sure what LaLa land she lives in that she thinks everything will just be so cherry when the school marms get wind of this. Wait until the day he has to draw his family tree. It happened to my niece, who I raise. Her teacher told everyone her parents were d**g addicts so I raised her.

ADVERTISEMENT

This was kinder by the way.The custody arrangement reiterates and sets precedent that this is your decision. This is tough love but better to implement it now. I did the same with my niece’s parents. Sorry but fking up so bad gives you zero say and zero credibility.. Also how does someone with four kids have time for an affair, crazy times!

Justwondering18226 − NTA. The time for her to want to make decisions was when custody was being decided.. It's too late now, and you get to make the decision. It is your duty as a parent to do what's best for the child. If you think it's the private school, so be it.

gold_dusted − NTA. Do not send him to the same school as his half siblings. It is a recipe for disaster. If anyone finds out they're related, other kids will ask intrusive questions like 'why do you have different surnames', and they won't understand the answer, and what they don't understand, they bully.

ADVERTISEMENT

If the other siblings pick that up they'll feel superior, and I wouldn't count on your ex and her husband to rein that in. Your ex's naive, idealistic ideas of them spending time together are absurd and a further abdication of responsibility. No wonder you have full custody. You sound a great father - continue to do what's best for your son. Leave his 'siblings' to their societal privilege of 'legitimacy'.

DormantDormaus − NTA. Set that boundary and hold it.

jam_and_ham − NTA. Maybe you could have been less harsh but if you are the one legally allowed to make these decisions then she is going to need to learn to accept that.

ADVERTISEMENT

squishy_squish_9 − NTA at all. School is about learning, not about bonding with siblings.. Plus if it will give him a better education then do it.

YeahIgotanopinion − NTA- She needed reminding. She doesn't get to pick that s**t, she tried to overstep, you shot her down because obviously she doesn't get that kind of say. That's what happens when you lose the custody battle. She isn't thinking about your kid at all.

She's only thinking about what she wants, and what she wants will hinder your kids learning opportunities. Seems to be a bit of a pattern with her, the whole getting what she wants being put over family thing. Makes you think.

ADVERTISEMENT

Aggressive-Sample612 − NTA. She has no say, which is 1000% her own fault.

happycharm − Nta. She, as well as most people, should learn to not react in anger in simple situations like this. She should have just calmly said she was hoping for all her children to go to the same school and had a regular discussion about it instead of immediately reacting in anger

and claiming you are an elitist who looks down on public school and other stuff before finally admitting a very reasonable want of having all her kids in the same school. Anyways even if they go to the same school it's unlikely they would all interact often. I went to the same school with my brother and we literally never saw each other. Not even in the hallways. We would always hang out with out friends.

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors backed Mark’s call, slamming Laura’s sense of entitlement and warning against mixing Vincent’s education with her family drama. Some urged caution about sibling dynamics at school, while others saw Laura’s reaction as self-centered. But do these fiery opinions catch the whole vibe, or are they just fanning the flames?

Mark’s standoff with Laura lays bare the messy realities of co-parenting after a fractured relationship. His focus on Vincent’s education is commendable, but his blunt reminder of custody stung deep. Laura’s wish for sibling closeness is understandable, yet her past choices limit her influence. This tale reminds us that parenting decisions are rarely black-and-white, especially with a child’s future at stake.What would you do if you were Mark, balancing your child’s needs with an ex’s emotions? Share your thoughts below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *