AITA for reinforcing boundaries with an old business owner?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a bustling shop, a new owner wrestles with an unexpected regular: the retired previous owner who can’t let go. For six months, she’s slipped behind the counter, chatting and even using the cash register, irking staff and customers alike. Polite nudges turn to a firm ultimatum—stay out or be banned—sparking hurt feelings and accusations of overreacting.

Picture the scene: a busy counter, a lingering ex-owner, and a fed-up new boss. This Reddit AITA post dives into the clash of old habits and new rules, leaving readers to decide: was the boundary too harsh, or long overdue?

‘AITA for reinforcing boundaries with an old business owner?’

So, I bought an existing, established business and am carrying it on. The business is 100% mine and the previous owners have no financial or legal stake in the business. They are a couple and retired. I took the business on.

We've been on reasonably good terms, apart from the fact that one of the previous owners keeps coming in, putting her bag behind the counter and standing there chatting with staff and, occasionally, customers.

Staff don't like it and find her a bit of a nuisance but don't feel confident moving her on. I normally deal with this by acting mock-alarmed and exclaiming 'madam!' while clutching my imaginary pearls, or reminding her that customers are not allowed behind the counter. This is generally taken in good fun with her apologising. She's on autopilot, I get it. It's annoying but not harmful.

The routine is she heads behind the counter, I tell her she can't do that, she apologizes and moves. This has been going on for six months. The other day, she started using the cash register. I don't think she was stealing and just changed her mind about a receipt so printed herself one, but it was also a bit of a bloody overstep and I told her so when I found out.

I put my foot down and said that if she went behind the counter again, she'd be banned from the shop. Six months is a long time to be friendly about it and I've had enough. It's not a dementia thing (which someone suggested) - she is just one of those people who largely does what she wants and argues until she gets her way if challenged.

Since taking over, I've had customers ask if 'that woman' has gone. She is now acting like I've done something unspeakable and (I think) thinks I'm accusing her of stealing, whereas in my opinion she's had six months of warning about this and it's gotten worse. I see it as defending a boundary.

ADVERTISEMENT

She sees it as a slap in the face. Part of me feels like I should have been more tolerant as she was there for over a decade and she means no harm, but it's been *six months* of me being tolerant and politely reminding her she can't go behind the counter.. Am I the arsehole here?

Setting boundaries in a workplace can feel like herding cats, especially with a predecessor who won’t let go. The new owner, after six months of politely redirecting the retired owner’s counter visits, drew a hard line when she used the cash register. Her hurt reaction—feeling accused of theft—clashes with the owner’s need to protect their business, highlighting a tension: respect for the past versus control of the present.

ADVERTISEMENT

This reflects a common challenge for new business owners inheriting old dynamics. The ex-owner’s behavior, while not malicious, disrupts staff and risks customer trust. Dr. Amy Edmondson, a leadership expert, notes, “Clear boundaries foster a productive workplace; ambiguity invites chaos.” The owner’s playful reminders were patient, but the cash register incident crossed a professional line.

The ex-owner’s retirement boredom may drive her visits, but that’s not the new owner’s burden. A solution could involve a private talk, framing her presence as a business liability—citing staff discomfort and customer complaints. Upgrading to a secure POS system could prevent future oversteps.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s dishing out some sharp takes, blending support with practical tips. Here’s what users think about this shop showdown:

pitaponder - NTA, boundary stomping needs to be carefully responded to. Sounds like you've been consistent and damn tolerant.

DRmonarch - NTA. Let her know that if you thought she was stealing, you'd call the police. You don't think that, you just think she's interfering with your employee's work and your business, which is very annoying and only stealing if she keeps doing it.

Peasplease25 - NTA.. It was a massive issue that she started using the till.

ADVERTISEMENT

cikanman - Nta. It's been six months. I understand that she may be on autopilot but she is no longer the owner and that is no longer her establishment. Keep being polite because she hasn't done anything wrong but be a nuisance but start being a bit more firm with her.

It'll take time but she'll get it. Also think about sitting down with her privately and discussing your concerns about the optics of her being behind the counter as a customer. Talk to her business owner to business owner. That might help.

UnderbridgeTollman - NTA. Should have nipped this in the bud ages ago. Ban her and be done with it

ADVERTISEMENT

YeeHawMiMaw - NTA. My husband and I sold a business last year, and I have not stepped foot in the facilities since the sale. Do you not have security on the till/ POS system? Maybe you should upgrade to a POS system that has individual user accounts so she cannot even get into the register.

ShiggnessKhan - NTA. She has to learn to move on like the rest of us most people probably experience not being able to walk in and out of a place they have become accustomed to and that certain kind of sadness that comes with it as someone who

often has dreams that take him back to places he has not set foot on in decades this post evokes a rather specific mood it reminds me of how heavy my heart gets when I occasionally pass those places and you may have done this women a kindness by not allowing her to cling as tightly, to something that is now clearly yours.

ADVERTISEMENT

Aer0uAntG3alach - NTA definitely. She’s probably bored and doesn’t know what to do with herself since retiring, but that’s not your problem. She needs to find a hobby or two. As has been pointed out, this is a safety issue, but also a security issue. Invest in a register that requires the user to input their employee number before it will do anything.

But, the main issue is that she’s interfering with YOUR business. She’s upsetting the employees. The customers are glad she’s gone. You could be losing business as a result of her high-handed behavior. It’s well past time for tolerance. Next time she comes in, physically step in her way. Ask her if she’s shopping.

If not, explain that you and your employees don’t have time or space to deal with anyone but customers, so it’s best if she finds somewhere else to spend her time. But it may come down to explaining clearly that she no longer owns the store, and list off the attendant issues: safety, security, interference with the operation of the business, etc.

ADVERTISEMENT

I don’t know your legal access, but it could be worth it to have an attorney write a letter listing the issues and give her a copy, and explain that if she doesn’t stop, you’ll have to take other action (no idea what your legal options are, and it’s best to ask a lawyer anyway).

TwoCentsPsychologist - NTA. But I'd consider this final warning before banning her from the shop. You'd not tolerate this behavior from any other customer, elderly or otherwise, as it's not good for business. Now when she enters your business, she's at most a customer, and perhaps often a passerby.

MersWhaawhaa - NTA. However it may be time to let the staff and managers be aware that they should not be talking to her but let them know they cannot chat during working hours and let the staff know that she is just like any other customer and be told to remove herself from the employee area.. Perhaps if there are not any employees only from this point on signs - is to get them.

ADVERTISEMENT

These opinions cut through the clutter, but do they nail the balance of respect and authority?

This tale of a new owner’s stand is a lesson in claiming your turf. Was the ultimatum a fair boundary, or too blunt for a well-meaning retiree? Would you ban a lingering ex-owner, or keep playing nice? Share your thoughts below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *