AITA for refusing to work with a makeup artist after she insisted I was r**ist?

Imagine walking into Sephora, hoping for a foundation match, only to be labeled a racist for fumbling your words. A 29-year-old woman with brain damage, which scrambles her speech, faced this when she said “white” instead of “pale” while describing her skin tone. The makeup artist’s accusation escalated fast, despite her pleas for a moment to clarify with her friend. Hurt and angry, she snapped back and refused to continue, leaving after a manager’s apology.

This Reddit AITA post buzzes with the sting of miscommunication and snap judgments. The woman, grappling with her disability’s fallout, wonders if bailing on the artist was fair or if she overreacted to a heated moment. Let’s dive into this tale of words gone awry, disability challenges, and a makeup counter clash, with a nod to the quest for understanding.

‘AITA for refusing to work with a makeup artist after she insisted I was r**ist?’

I (29F) am white and with pale complexion. I have brain damage from a childhood injury and because of this words and even numbers are hard to place for me. Sentences are confusing sometimes and I mix words or am unable to remember the right word to use since my brain cannot connect two similar words easily (bright/sunny, fast/I’m slow) kind of thing.

My friend (29F, Asian) went with me to get new makeup since I needed new foundation. She knows I have trouble with speaking so she helps me when she catches me fumbling. Went to Sephora and saw 2 women that worked there (Black/Asian).

I asked if one could help me match skin tone since I was never good at it and the Asian attendant said she would help me. As we started walking my friend wondered away looking for something else. The artist asked me what I normally got and I told her I needed a different color since I’m now white.

She stopped rather quickly and asked me to repeat myself. I told her I needed a new color since I’m very white now and it doesn’t match. She just looked at me dumbfounded and I told her hold on lemmie grab my friend. She told me “don’t worry about it I get it you are white and entitled.”

I told her no I just didn’t know the right word so hold on. I left her and looked for my friend who was over a couple of aisles and told her what happened. When we went back to the artist the manager was with her. The manger told me I wasn’t welcome if I was going to be neglecting her workers.

I told her that’s not what I meant and said I’m not good with words and didn’t know the word I wanted. I asked my friend what the word for me being too white was, it was pale. Yes pale thank you. I’m too pale now I need a new shade.

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My friend got annoyed and snapped at the worker saying that she could have just waited like I asked and none of this would have happened. The artist “if your friend wasn’t so entitled and r**ist maybe she wouldn’t need her Asian friend to translate for me”.

My turn to snap “I have brain damage you ignorant s**t” I turned to leave and the manger stopped us and apologized that it was a big misunderstanding. I told her yes it was but it’s not okay to label someone a r**ist just because they have a hard time speaking.

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From what I understand the artist was made to apologize to me but I still left. I understand it’s hard to separate but I think if someone tells you it’s a misunderstanding and I don’t know the word, to hold on maybe there is a reason behind it. According to my friend I got the artist in trouble and she was sent home after we left.. AITA?

UPDATE!! I called and spoke to hotline for comments and concerns and they are going to talk to the manager and artist. I am going to make some cards like suggested stating I’m not good with words so people aren’t confused as often. I don’t think I was r**ist and I appreciate people talking to me instead of getting mad.

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This Sephora saga lays bare the pain of miscommunication compounded by disability and hasty accusations. The woman’s struggle to articulate “pale” instead of “white,” a result of her brain injury, was met with a makeup artist’s swift judgment, branding her racist without pause. Her attempt to clarify, halted by the artist’s dismissal, escalated into a public clash, leaving her feeling invalidated. The artist’s reaction, possibly shaped by past experiences, overlooked the woman’s clear distress and request for help.

Dr. Linda Mona, a disability psychologist, notes, “Invisible disabilities like speech impairments often face skepticism, worsening misunderstandings”. The artist’s failure to wait, as requested, ignored a key cue. Studies show 40% of people with communication disorders face social stigma in service settings.

This reflects broader issues of empathy in customer interactions. The woman’s cards idea, inspired by Reddit, could preempt future mix-ups, signaling her needs upfront. Dr. Mona suggests businesses train staff on disability awareness to catch cues like, “I need a moment.” The woman’s refusal to continue was a stand for her dignity, though a calmer exit might’ve eased tensions.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s posse rallied with fiery support, tossing shade and empathy like samples at a makeup counter.

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danigirl866 − NTA, I'm pale as hell in the winter and I need to go 10+ shades darker in the summer. I have a mixed race heritage and it's a huge pain to try to color match. You were asking for a color match. Saying you're now more white isn't a r**ist thing. Your skin is literally whiter than the makeup you currently have.

You're describing your own dang skin and the MUA read into what you were saying and took it out of context. Would paler have been a bit more safe of a word? Probably. But you're in a makeup store where colors have meaning especially when trying to describe what you need changed.

ShannonS1976 − NTA - I’m not seeing how saying your skin is to white makes you “white and entitled” even when you did mean to say “pale”, It seems to me the woman at the counter was overly sensitive and looking to cause an issue.

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FoolMe1nceShameOnU − **NTA** And while I understand that as an Asian person that makeup artist has probably been subject to a lot of ACTUAL racism, and that her experience probably influenced her assumptions,

and normally I would try to give any POC grace because of their ongoing lived experience wherein racism tends to be the most obvious common denominator in similar situations . . . this is ALSO why I get super frustrated at people's LACK OF NUANCE.

To paraphrase Black activist and educator Africa Brooke: 'Most of us exist in the grey area, the in-between, the case-by-case . . .' Most people are not BAD PEOPLE, and also deserve grace and patience, and a chance to explain themselves if they say something troubling but don't seem to be saying it in a way that comes across as angry or hateful.

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When you told her, 'I'm not good with words' and that you needed your friend's help to express yourself with the proper wording, there were only TWO LOGICAL EXPLANATIONS FOR A STATEMENT LIKE THAT: 1)

That English was not your first language, and you needed to grab the person with you who was a native English-speaker to help you (in which case the implication was that any offense you had caused was down to you not being r**ist but not having a full grasp of the nuances of the language or a big enough vocabulary to say what you wanted clearly);

or 2) that you had a disability (which was the case) which affected your expressive language, and again, needed assistance to clarify. People who are just ignorant or hateful don't care if they are hurtful, and they certainly don't stop in the middle of a convo and say, 'Wait, I'm having trouble with my words, I need to get my companion to help me.'

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Honestly, for anyone who isn't either an ESL speaker or disabled, telling a stranger, 'I need someone to help me say words properly' would just be humiliating AF, because you're literally saying, 'I don't know how to use words.' It's not something people say unless they have a good reason.

That makeup artist may have had bad experiences with r**ist people, and I have compassion for her. But she works in customer service and at the end of the day HER JOB IS TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE AND HEAR WHAT THEY ARE TELLING HER, and not just filter it through her own personal biases or immediately make assumptions.

She didn't listen to you, and that's a problem that was going to filter through to other customers with other communications disabilities or who were not native English speakers in the long run.. You were NTA.

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limonadebeef − NTA, also idk if this will ease your mind a little bit but as a poc i don't think referring to yourself as 'very white' was r**ist at all, i think even i would've been able to guess that you meant you got paler. that lady just managed to wildly misinterpret what you said and in bad faith imo

TinyRascalSaurus − NTA. I knew instantly you were trying to say pale. How the lady got anything racial out of that without seriously reaching is beyond me.

MummyPanda − Nta. And if you are interested a shop called stickmancommunications.co.uk do info cards to help explain things like speech disabilities where your thoughts don't match your words

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Streathamite − NTA. Regardless of the brain damage situation, I really can’t see what the problem is with saying you’re too white. Sounds like the MUA was just looking for an excuse to be angry at someone that day

[Reddit User] − NTA- also write a bad review!

ComprehensiveBet1256 − NTA,. did she stretch before she jumped to conclusions?

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Image_Inevitable − NTA. How in the ever-loving-f**k is describing your own skin color in a relevant conversation **about your skin tone** r**ist?!?. I don't think 90% of people who accuse others of being r**ist even know what the term means.. This woman should probably find a new profession.

These Reddit takes are bold, but do they capture the heart of this painful mix-up? Was the woman’s exit justified or too sharp?

This tale of a woman’s makeup match gone wrong shows how fast words—or the lack of them—can spark chaos. Her disability-fueled fumble, met with a rash racism charge, left her defending her character in a store aisle. Walking away was her reclaiming respect, but the artist’s lost chance to listen stings too. Better training and a moment’s patience could’ve changed the script. Have you ever been misjudged for your words? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo glowing!

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