AITA for refusing to withdraw my (17f) application from my older sister’s (18f) dream college (that she got rejected from)?

In a bustling high school senior’s bedroom, college applications pile up like autumn leaves, each one a ticket to a new chapter. A 17-year-old girl, fresh off an early acceptance to her dream school, faces a different kind of test: her older sister’s heartache. The sister, still stinging from last year’s rejection from her top-choice college, begs her to withdraw her application from the same school, fearing old wounds will reopen if her younger sibling gets in.

The air grows thick with sibling rivalry and unspoken expectations. The younger sister, proud of her hard-earned application essays, wants to keep her options open—especially for a school offering rare merit scholarships. But with parents gently nudging her to prioritize family harmony, she’s caught in a tug-of-war between ambition and empathy. Readers, get ready for a story that’s less about college rankings and more about navigating family loyalties.

‘AITA for refusing to withdraw my (17f) application from my older sister’s (18f) dream college (that she got rejected from)?’

I am currently a senior in high school and going through the college application process. In December, I got into my top college through REA, but I am still waiting on the rest of my schools to come out in March (I will not be naming the schools because I feel like that will make the focus more about the relative merits of the schools, and less about the actual issue).

My sister was applying to college last year which was a notoriously tough applicant cycle. She was deferred and then ultimately rejected from her top choice. She really likes the school that she ended up at (and it is actually ranked higher than her ED school) but she was still very invested in that school and is still sad about her r**ection.

Since I got into my REA school, my sister has been begging me to withdraw my application from the school she got rejected from. She thinks now that I got into my top choice and have lots more schools coming out, I have no reason to apply to this specific one and she thinks that it would be really hard for her to see me get into her top choice.

The thing is, I actually also really like her ED school. While, odds are, I will be attending my REA school in the fall, I want to keep all of my options open. More specifically in terms of her ED school, it is one of the only LACs that offers merit scholarships which really appeals to me.

While I obviously haven’t even gotten into this school yet, if I get a merit scholarship, I will seriously consider going to it. Right now, I am intending to go pre-law, so I want to priorities minimizing my undergrad debt.

Also, and this is definitely a lesser reason, but the supplement for the ED college was one of the ones I spent the most time writing and I low-key struggled with it, but I was really proud of the result and I want to see that application through.

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Despite my explanations and assurances otherwise, my sister thinks that I’m refusing to withdraw my application to rub her r**ection in her face and my parents have started lightly taking her side as well.. I was hoping to get an outside perspective, AITA here?

Sibling rivalry can turn college applications into an emotional minefield. This 17-year-old’s refusal to withdraw her application from her sister’s dream school, despite her early acceptance elsewhere, highlights a clash of personal goals and family sensitivity. The older sister’s pain is real—rejection stings, and seeing a sibling succeed where she didn’t can feel like salt in the wound. Yet, the younger sister’s ambition to secure merit scholarships for a pre-law path is equally valid.

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This situation mirrors a broader issue: balancing individual aspirations with family dynamics. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 62% of siblings experience rivalry over perceived parental favoritism or success disparities (apa.org). Dr. Laurie Kramer, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Siblings need to support each other’s goals while acknowledging emotional triggers” (illinois.edu). Here, the older sister’s request stems from insecurity, but the younger sister’s refusal isn’t spiteful—it’s pragmatic.

Kramer’s advice suggests open communication could ease tensions. The younger sister’s focus on scholarships shows foresight, but her sister’s feelings need validation too. Advice: Have a heart-to-heart to acknowledge her sister’s pain while explaining her own goals. Suggest celebrating each other’s paths, perhaps by discussing college experiences together.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a summer campus quad. Here’s what the community weighed in with, serving up support with a side of sass:

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Top_Sundae3828 - NTA. what's next? You won't be able to buy a house because she won't be able to? You can't get married if she can't?

[Reddit User] - NTA I don’t know what all those initials mean but nobody should be influencing your college choice. Nobody.

Sorrol13 - NTA, your sister is really egocentric.. A good sister that cares about you would cheer you on and pray for you to be accepted.

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[Reddit User] - NTA.. It's your future. You make the decisions.. R**ection is part of life and your sister just needs to learn how to deal with it.

bigtitywitchgf - NTA. literally she’s mad you got into a good school? i understand it probably sucks seeing your sister go to your “dream school” but it’s not your fault they rejected her.

Quellman - NTA. Your choice of university should not be due to her bitterness and jealousy.

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_applying2college - I ran out of words, for those who don’t know the terminology: REA: “Restricted Early Action”, basically you can only apply to one school early through this commitment, but it shows your increased interest and you find out early.

One does this for their top choice. ED: “Early Decision” Very similar to REA but you can still apply to non-binding EA schools but you are required to attend this school if you get in. One does this for their too choice.

I believe schools only offer this *or* REA, not both. Defer: When admissions officers push an application from an early round to the regular decision pool (and thus makes you wait like three extra months for your decision).. LAC: Liberal Arts College

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GoldenJaguar1995 - NTA. What a shitshow of parenting, instead of being a grown up. Stick to your guns OP, if you back out you would just be proving her point. Hope you have a good semester and it works out for you.

Meedyme - Yo WTF??. This is your education. Dont let ANYONE influence that in a bad way. Honestly her reasoning isn't even good. Honestly I just did the same with you. However instead of doing the same. My sister supported me with every single step. She tried again and was accepted btw.

Now we study together from time to time. So I'll go with NTA, however if you want my advice. Ask her for advice about her school. Like try to show her that you're not doing it to f with her.. Again. You're doing great. You know you better keep your doors open. In case anything happens.

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vaporgate - Since I got into my REA school, my sister had been begging me to withdraw my application from the school she got rejected from. She thinks now that I got into my top choice and have lots more schools coming out, I have no reason to apply to this specific one and she thinks that it would be really hard for her to see me get into her top choice.

This is not about your sister, at all, and she needs to suck it up and not interfere with you doing your best to set yourself up for the future that you want. Accepting that she won't always be protected from sadness or r**ection will help her build character. Do what you need to do for you. NTA.

These Redditors are all about standing your ground, but do their cheers for independence miss the mark on family nuance, or are they spot-on?

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This college conundrum leaves us wondering: when does chasing your dreams cross into hurting those you love? The young applicant’s determination to keep her options open clashes with her sister’s lingering pain, and family pressure only muddies the waters. Was she right to hold firm, or should she have bowed out to keep the peace? Share your take—how would you handle a sibling’s jealousy over your success? Let’s dive into this family drama and unpack it together!

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