AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle because of what she did to her mom?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a family dinner table, once filled with laughter, now heavy with unspoken grudges. For a 50-year-old dad, let’s call him David, the joy of his daughter Emma’s upcoming wedding is overshadowed by a painful rift. Emma, 26, has cut her mother, Laura, out of her life, blaming her for being overbearing, and even barred her from the wedding. When Emma asked David to walk her down the aisle, he refused, unable to betray his heartbroken wife.

Shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, David’s story sparks a whirlwind of reactions, as readers wrestle with loyalty, love, and the murky roots of family estrangement. Emma’s harsh words and Laura’s devastation paint a portrait of a family unraveling, leaving us to wonder: can David bridge this divide, or is his stand a justified line in the sand? Let’s dive into this tangled family saga.

‘AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle because of what she did to her mom?’

So, this has been an ongoing issue in my family for a while, but now that the wedding is coming up, everything has come to a head. I (50M) have a daughter, “Emma” (26F), who I’ve always had a very close relationship with. I’ve been married to my wife (Emma’s mom), “Laura” (49F), for 30 years now.

We’re a solid family—or at least I thought we were. Here’s the backstory: A couple of years ago, Emma met her now-fiancé, “Tom” (28M). Things moved fast between them, and she was head over heels for him. We were happy for her at first, but something changed about a year into their relationship.

Emma became distant from us, especially her mom. Laura and Emma used to be really close, but all of a sudden, Emma started snapping at her for little things, avoiding family dinners, and not sharing anything about her life.. Then we found out why.

About a year and a half ago, I overheard Emma and Tom having a conversation when they didn’t know I was around. She was saying horrible things about her mom—stuff that really broke my heart. Emma was telling Tom that she couldn’t stand how “overbearing” her mom was, that Laura always tried to “control” her,

and that she felt like Laura was jealous of her life and success. She even said she “resents” her mom for putting so much pressure on her when she was younger. I was floored. Laura has always supported Emma in everything she did, from helping her through college to emotionally supporting her during rough patches.

I never saw any of this coming. But instead of addressing it right then, I wanted to wait and talk to Emma calmly later. When I finally brought it up with her, she completely shut down and got defensive. She claimed I was “taking her mom’s side” and that I didn’t understand what it was like to grow up with someone who was “always in your business.”

She said some really hurtful things and ended up storming out. After that, she basically cut off her mom entirely, except for the absolute bare minimum communication for holidays or family events. Laura’s heartbroken. I’m angry. It’s been a mess. Fast forward to now, Emma’s getting married.

She called me last week to ask if I would walk her down the aisle. But here’s the thing: I don’t feel right doing it when she’s treating her mother like this. Laura’s not even invited to the wedding—Emma said it would “make things too uncomfortable” if her mom were there.

I told Emma that I can’t walk her down the aisle if she’s excluding her mom, who’s done nothing but love and support her all her life. I said that until she makes things right with her mom, I won’t be part of the wedding. Emma was furious.

She accused me of “choosing mom over her,” said I was “ruining her big day,” and claimed I was punishing her for being honest about her feelings. She’s now threatening to go no-contact with both of us, and I’m torn up inside. I love my daughter, but I can’t stand by and watch her treat her mother like this.. 

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

David’s dilemma—choosing between his daughter and his wife—exposes the pain of family estrangement. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Unresolved conflicts in families often stem from unvoiced expectations and differing perceptions” Source: GottmanInstitute. Emma’s resentment toward her mother, labeling her controlling, suggests a rift that may predate her fiancé’s influence, while David’s loyalty to Laura fuels his stance.

A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 27% of adult children report estrangement from a parent, often tied to perceived control or unmet emotional needs Source: APA. Emma’s complaints about Laura’s overbearing nature may reflect genuine grievances, unseen by David, or could be amplified by her fiancé’s perspective. Laura’s exclusion from the wedding escalates the hurt, leaving David caught in the crossfire.

Dr. Gottman advises neutral mediation to uncover root issues. David could initiate a calm, open conversation with Emma, exploring her feelings without judgment, while affirming Laura’s love. This approach might reveal whether reconciliation is possible or if Emma’s fiancé is isolating her, ensuring David’s decision aligns with understanding rather than reaction.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew jumped into David’s family drama with gusto, serving up a lively mix of theories and tough love, like a family reunion where everyone’s got an opinion. They probed the roots of Emma’s resentment and David’s tough call with sharp insight and a dash of skepticism:

ComparisonFlashy8522 − I think you need to find out what happened between your daughter and her mum a year and a half ago. This didn't come out of nowhere

Free_Eye_5327 − Did you ever find out what your daughter meant when she said her mom always tried to control her? I think that's the key to you understanding her reaction.

Ok_Young1709 − You need to look at two possibilities, and fairly. Take love out of the equation here. Either your wife was overbearing to your daughter and you completely ignored it or accepted it as normal, which is a strong possibility.. Or tom is the problem here and is isolating Emma from people she loves.

Now that seems less likely as it's not both of you that Emma is not speaking to, it's just your wife. If it was tom pulling the strings here, he'd have got her not speaking to both of you. Is Emma abandoning her friends? Another sign of abuse.. You need to consider here that your wife is the problem.

withnailstail123 − My Father had absolutely NO idea what my Mum was like when he wasn’t around, and it would have broken his heart .. He’s dead now and will never have to know the abuse we suffered.

chilliefries − There has to be some context missing…I don’t understand why your daughter resents her mother so heavily. Is there something we are missing or did your daughter cut her mother out of her life and not invite her to the wedding for “being in her business?” I don’t understand this. Emma’s reasons for hating Laura seem very superficial.

Prestigious-Watch992 − I would say that YTA for being absent in the replies and not answering some of the good questions that people have asked. Too much missing info.. Also because you failed to better communicate with your daughter.

Equal_Audience_3415 − I think it is way past time to sit down and figure out what is going on.. It sounds like your wife may not have liked Tom. She must have shared it with your daughter. It's just a guess, given the little facts we have. It would make sense, though, especially since she didn't invite her to the wedding. Talk to them. See if you can at least get a solid answer. Then you can decide whether or not you can walk her down the aisle.

curlygirlcooks − There’s more to the story here. Look. I always knew my mom was a bit overbearing . But I didn’t realize just how abnormal it was until I met my now husband. Hearing how he grew up, then sharing my stories and watching his face in horror hearing the things I thought were normal of a mother.

Then meeting my mother in law, she is such a sweetheart, it really made me compare them and realize how much emotional abuse I endured growing up. It does no use talking to my mom about it now becuase she denies ever doing anything we(her children) recall. And my dad came from a traditional household, and worked full time, while my mom stayed at home. So he didn’t see what I went through.

CareyAHHH − Maybe I’ve read too many posts from the adult child’s perspective, but this is screaming Missing Reasons for me. Parents claiming they have done nothing wrong and and their adult child changed out of no where, but really the cracks have been there all along.

Now OP might be completely right in his perspective, but maybe it took having a supportive boyfriend for his daughter to finally feel comfortable to speak up. This is giving me vibes of the parents’ perspective of a almost any r/JUSTNOMIL post where the adult child goes NC.  At the same time, the boyfriend could be isolating the daughter, but I would want to know what her perspective is before passing judgement. 

ccl-now − You're asking the wrong question. Why are you just assuming that your daughter's position is unreasonable? Why aren't you trying to find the root of this? She hasn't turned on her mum for no good reason but you seem to think she's been unreasonable. Why?

These Redditors didn’t shy away, urging David to dig deeper into Emma’s grievances while questioning if Laura’s behavior or Tom’s influence is the real culprit. Their takes weave a tapestry of doubt and empathy, highlighting the messy truth of family rifts where no one’s fully right or wrong.

David’s stand against walking Emma down the aisle lays bare the heartbreak of a family divided. His loyalty to Laura clashes with his love for Emma, whose rejection of her mother raises unanswered questions. Have you ever faced a family feud that forced you to pick a side? How would you handle a daughter’s wedding that excludes her mom? Share your thoughts below and let’s unravel this emotional knot together!

For those who want to read the sequel: UPDATE: AITA for refusing to walk my daughter down the aisle because of what she did to her mom?

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