AITA for refusing to walk a girl home through an unsafe neighbourhood?

Under the dim glow of a flickering streetlamp, two students step off a late-night bus, the city’s hum fading into an uneasy quiet. One, a young woman, faces a dilemma that tugs at her conscience: her classmate’s request to walk a shadowy, circuitous route home. The air feels thick with tension—safety is no small matter when the streets turn eerie after dark.

She hesitates, her mind racing with the weight of her choice. Should she brave an unfamiliar path to ease her classmate’s fears, or protect her own sense of security? It’s a moment that sparks a relatable question: where does one person’s safety end and another’s begin? Readers can’t help but wonder how they’d navigate this tricky, moonlit crossroads.

‘AITA for refusing to walk a girl home through an unsafe neighbourhood?’

The other evening (at around 10pm), I took a bus home from school with a girl from my class who lives somewhat close to me. We have a lab together, which is a very small group of students, so we have started to get to know each other, but we aren't really friends or anything.

When we got off the bus she asked me if I wanted to walk a particular route home with her, which would run by her apartment. I could also get home via this route but it was more indirect & also would take us under an overpass and down a street that is a lot sketchier than the route I would normally take (and, after I 'dropped her off', I'd have to pass through this area alone).

So I ended up saying 'No, sorry' and explained that I wanted to take the route that was more direct. She didn't really say anything in response, we said goodbye, and I didn't think much of it after that. This morning, though, she messaged me on Facebook,

and said that she wanted to let me know that she was really bothered by the fact that I wasn't willing to walk home with her route when it wouldn't have been any extra effort for me and it would have helped her feel more safe. She said that as a woman, I should know how it feels to be unsafe and should want to help out someone else in a difficult situation.

I explained to her that I actually would have had to walk for a few minutes in that unsafe area BY MYSELF in order to get home and that I didn't want to do that. She basically disagreed and said that it wouldn't have made a difference which way I went, only one way I'd be with her and one way I'd be alone.

I ended up just apologizing because I didn't want to start drama within my lab group.. So AITA for not walking her way? I think I might be the a**hole because I definitely could have walked home her way, it would have taken maybe 5 extra minutes and I would have been with her most of the time, and it would have helped her to feel more safe.. Edit: I AM NOT A MAN, not sure why there are so many comments about sexism.

Navigating late-night walks can feel like threading a needle in the dark—especially when safety is at stake. The student’s choice to stick to a safer route clashes with her classmate’s plea for companionship, highlighting a tense balance between self-preservation and empathy. Both women face valid fears, but the classmate’s dismissal of the student’s concerns tips the scale toward selfishness.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: women’s safety in public spaces. According to a 2021 study by the Urban Institute, 70% of women feel unsafe walking alone at night in urban areas (urban.org). The classmate’s expectation assumes shared risk should trump individual comfort, but safety isn’t a one-size-fits-all equation.

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Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic, a psychologist specializing in safety behaviors, notes, “Personal safety decisions are deeply individual and should be respected without guilt” (psychologytoday.coms ). Her insight underscores the student’s right to prioritize her own path, especially when the alternative meant facing a risky area alone. The classmate’s insistence ignores this, framing her own comfort as paramount.

For solutions, open communication is key. The student could suggest safer alternatives, like a phone call during the walk or coordinating with others. Both parties could benefit from campus safety resources, like escort services, to avoid such dilemmas. Respecting boundaries while offering support strikes a balance that honors everyone’s need to feel secure.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of wit. Here’s what the community had to say about this late-night standoff:

new_clever_username − NTA. So what she is saying is that her safety is more important then yours. Also get some pepper spray and stay aware of your surroundings.

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jpcats − Dont set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You would have been forced to pass through that unsafe area alone on your return home. Your reason was valid and not your problem if she couldnt understand that. NTA.

Crispydragonrider − NTA. She wanted you to take a more dangerous route alone, because it made her feel safer. Kinda feels like setting yourself on fire to make her feel warm. You had every right to decline.

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denasher − NTA, you have raised a valid concern which she dismissed just because it doesn’t affect her. You should walk back on the apology and tell her that she’s totally in the wrong for asking you to risk your safety for her when it’s not necessary at all and dismissing your concern of your own safety.

And if she really felt unsafe, she should have contacted her own family to walk her home. They will not need to walk alone back home, though they’ll be alone when walking to pick her up but they know the area better than you do still. Also if it’s safe for you to walk back after seeing her off, then it’s absolutely safe for her to walk back solo. Hypocritical *****. Stay clear of such selfish people

SoAnonymously − NTA I just want to be clear. You're a woman? And this other woman is upset that you didn't walk her home even though it meant you'd have to walk by yourself through a dodgy area? But she's saying, as a woman, you should have understood? 🤔

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Background_Alps6164 − NTA. Im a woman and yes, its great to have someone walk you home at night but its not expected nor should it be demanded or at the expense of someone's safety. You didn't feel safe going thru a worse area than the way you normally walk, you got to feel safe too!

Next time, if you feel like, try a compromise ask if she's cool chatting on the phone till she gets home and you can both walk the way you normally do. There's other ways of helping keep people safe that don't risk your safety too. EDIT - just read comments where OP says that they too are a woman. Sorry, I didnt read all the comments first and tried to reply with gender neutral thinking.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Hello?! What has she done before knowing you? What will she do when you move on? If it's that unsafe, she should be looking to change her living arrangements.. Don't let her guilt or manipulate you into doing something you don't wish to or are uncomfortable doing.

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Your not responsible for making her feel more safe. She is. You're not responsible for her on any level. You could have walked her home, she might have felt more safe, but where does that leave you with how you will be feeling? Why would you let this person manipulate you, in this way?

And you wouldn't be the one starting the drama. She did by asking you and then attempting to make you feel worse because you didn't do as she wanted. You apologizing is going to enable her to try this again.. Learn how to stand-up for yourself.

Calm_Cat_1439 − NTA She disregarded your safety so she would feel safer. Selfishness and entitlement of the highest order. Unacceptable - you did the right thing. Apologising was a diplomatic move, but I'd urge you to remember that this person has showed you who she is and to remember it very well going forward.. Also, please invest in some personal protection items.

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BossRedRanger − I went to a campus orientation once. They warned the students about being out late and the dangers. A couple got robbed late on campus and they then raped the woman. Afterwards they also raped the man.. F**k the gender stereotypes. If it’s dangerous, it’s dangerous for everyone.

hendmitc26 − Why would it matter OPs gender anyway. Seems like the people calling OP a sexist are the real sexist.

Talk about a Reddit roast! These opinions highlight a split between empathy and practicality, but do they capture the full nuance of balancing safety and kindness?

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This story leaves us pondering the delicate dance of looking out for others while guarding our own safety. The student’s choice wasn’t about dismissing her classmate’s fears but about honoring her own—a decision that’s tough but human. What would you do in her shoes, caught between a friend’s plea and a dark, risky path? Share your thoughts and experiences below—how do you navigate safety and support in tricky situations?

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