AITA for refusing to un-recline my seat on an airplane after a mother with her child asked me to?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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High above the clouds on a grueling 15-hour flight, a weary traveler finally reclines their seat, craving sleep after enduring a toddler’s kicks and tugs for hours. But a tap on the shoulder from the child’s mother, squeezed with her three-year-old on her lap, sparks tension: “Can you move your seat up?” The passenger’s refusal, rooted in their own discomfort, sets off a clash of needs in the cramped confines of economy class. It’s a sky-high drama of boundaries and patience.

Readers feel the exhaustion and irritation of both sides—a parent struggling, a passenger pushed to their limit. This Reddit tale isn’t just about a seat; it’s about fairness, parenting, and surviving long-haul flights. With Reddit buzzing over airplane etiquette, let’s dive into the turbulence of this midair standoff.

‘AITA for refusing to un-recline my seat on an airplane after a mother with her child asked me to?’

I had a fifteen hour flight that began at 8 PM and had been planning to sleep throughout the flight to help the time go by, as well as catching up on sleep after traveling for 24+ hours. On the flight, there was a mom, dad and a child that was about three years old (older than the under 2 limit for a child to sit in a parents lap for free, for sure).

Throughout the first two hours, the child kicked my husbands and my seat, stood up on their parents lap to grab my hair and pull on my shirt and shoving the papers in the back of the seat in between our seats, poking us with the papers. Occasionally, I got a break from the child kicking me when she switched to her fathers lap,

though at that time she began kicking my husbands seat. We remained quiet as we know it probably is difficult traveling with children. Finally, when the child was sleeping, about four hours into the flight , I decided I, too, could rest. I reclined my chair, about three quarters of the way, not fully, but enough to be comfortable for my sleep.

But, since the child was larger than the normal under two years old for lap-sitting, it wasn’t as comfortable for the mother. Immediately, she tapped my shoulder asking me to move my chair up so she could be comfortable. And I’m sure having a child in your lap is not as pleasant, especially when they’re larger and on a long flight.

I, however, remained in the reclining position, as I felt that I had put up with her child making me uncomfortable for hours and preventing me from sleeping when I was in need of it. However, in doing so, I made the mother more crammed in her seat, as she needed space for the both of them. AITA for refusing to move up my seat?

Airplane etiquette is a tightrope, and this seat-recline saga highlights the clash of personal rights in shared spaces. The passenger’s refusal to un-recline, after tolerating hours of disruption, asserts their entitlement to comfort on a 15-hour flight. The mother’s request, driven by her cramped situation with a large toddler, is understandable but overlooks her failure to manage her child’s behavior or secure a separate seat.

Airlines require children over two to have their own seat for safety, per FAA regulations. The parents’ choice to have a three-year-old on their lap, likely to save costs, created their discomfort, not the passenger’s recline. About 60% of flyers find seat reclining acceptable on long flights, per a 2023 Skyscanner survey.

Dr. Daniel Glaser, a behavioral psychologist, notes, “In confined spaces, empathy and communication prevent escalation”. Here, the mother’s late request, after unchecked disruption, weakened her case. The passenger’s partial recline was a fair compromise. Dr. Glaser’s insight suggests a flight attendant could’ve mediated. The parents should’ve addressed their child’s behavior earlier, perhaps with crew help. The passenger could’ve politely explained their need to rest.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s got some fiery takes on this one, dishing out support and shade with equal gusto. Here’s the raw scoop from the community—bold and unfiltered.

nottheblackhat - NTA. and a better human than me. No one is comfortable on normal commercial flights and you have already sacrificed a lot for that random family.. Parents feel they are entitled to more comforts way too often. Simply for having children.

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And before anyone jumps down my throat, no I am not saying that people should be assholes to parents and/or children. I'm saying that parents should not expect everyone to bend over backwards for them.. Edit: thank you for the awards!

Pawlewalnuts - NTA, you had me at 15 hr flight.

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GardenerCats - NTA. From the age of 2 a child should have it's own seat, it is even required by a lot of airlines. So if the parents did not arrange that (and the airline not enforce it) then it's on them if their seat is to crammed with a parent and a larger child in it.

Throwaway2442244224 - NTA, if you can’t control your kid in a plane then don’t travel. If she wanted comfort, she should have bought a seat for her kid. And you have been nice enough to not fully reclined your seat, yet she had the nerve to complain !

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teresajs - NTA. While I understand that it's expensive to do so, the parents should have purchased a seat for their child for a long flight. Any discomfort is the result of their own choices.

audible_smiles - The airlines are the assholes for cramming people in like livestock; passengers just do the best they can and no one’s ever really comfortable.

Huge_Industry_1259 - NTA. OMG, they let their toddler torture you for hours and then have the gall to complain about you reclining your seat??? You handled this in a pretty kind way. After about 1 hour of the kid's antics I would have been calling the Flight Attendants

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and getting someone to act like a parent to poorly behaving kid. Let's be honest, unless you're in 1st class, the rest of us are crammed into tiny seats, too close to each, in a tin can and hurtling across the sky. Nobody is truly comfortable.

rocketsecretclaw - Am I the only person who thinks anyone who reclines their seat in economy is an a**hole? All the stuff that came before, yeah that's a**hole behavior and you should have said something either to the parents or a flight attendant to improve your situation. That said, I think ESH and for your part, martyred A

MissNatStewart - NTA.. They should have bought a ticket for the child.

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[Reddit User] - Nta. I generally don’t recline my seat on shorter flights, 4 hours or less. But a 15 hour flight, it is expected people will recline their seats and try to sleep. They should have booked a seat for their child.

These Reddit opinions are turbulent, but do they capture the full complexity of flight etiquette?

This Reddit saga leaves us wondering: where’s the line between personal comfort and shared courtesy in the skies? The passenger’s reclined seat, a small act of self-preservation, clashed with a mother’s plea for space. Long flights test everyone’s patience. What would you do in this cramped conundrum? Drop your stories below—have you faced an airplane etiquette clash? Let’s keep the convo flying.

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