AITA For Refusing to Travel With Our Friends’ Baby, Risking Our Bond?

Jonathan Hours
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After years of shared adventures, from European escapades to beachside bonfires, a childfree couple (both 29) finds their bond with their best friends tested. Their friends (F29, M30), now parents to an 8-month-old, insist on joining the couple’s thrill-seeking vacations, oblivious to the couple’s desire for kid-free fun. The new parents’ pushy comments about parenting and assumptions that “nothing has changed” sting, leaving the couple torn.

This isn’t just about clashing travel plans; it’s a heartfelt struggle to preserve a cherished friendship amid shifting priorities. Honored as godparents but firm in their childfree stance, the couple grapples with setting boundaries without wounding their friends’ feelings. Their Reddit plea, raw with frustration and care, mirrors the delicate dance of maintaining ties when life paths diverge.

‘Our (F29 & M29, childfree) best friends (F29 & M30) just had a baby, and they’re mad at us that we don’t want to vacation with them anymore. How do we set boundaries without pushing them away?’

So my (F29) best friend since middle school (F29) had a baby with her husband (M30). It was an unplanned pregnancy, but they are very happy. We spent all fall celebrating their very rushed engagement, wedding, and baby shower — it was very time consuming and expensive for us, but we were happy to celebrate with them and we are so happy to see how happy this baby has made them.

I was asked to be the godmother, and it was truly such an honor. Before the baby, the four of us would do everything together. We would spend at least 2-3 evenings a week with them having dinner, spending almost every weekend together. We would go on vacation to Europe and to the beach together.

My partner (M29) and I are child free by choice. We have no interest in having children ever. We don’t even want a dog because that’s too much work and commitment. We love to travel, and have adventures like scuba diving and mountain climbing, we on occasion like to take psychedelics. All stuff that is not exactly kid friendly.

Now we are wanting to travel, but our friends can’t understand why we aren’t inviting them to come with us. They mention how easy it is to travel with the baby and their dog, and they insist we can still do fun stuff like swimming and the beach. But the thing is, I don’t want to be stuck hearing a baby scream and cry every night.

It’s fine going over to their house to visit, but we can leave when we get too tired of it. And I don’t want to be beholden to the needs of their child. They chose to have a kid, we didn’t. Finally, they love to mention how great we’d be as parents and how they just want their kid to have other kids to play with. It’s so annoying and frankly disrespectful and makes me not want to be around them.

I don’t want to push them away, and I love how happy they are, but it’s too much. We are both afraid we will say something that will insult or offend them, or make them think we don’t want to be around them because of their child. It’s not the baby that’s the problem, I actually like snuggling and playing with the kid; it’s their insistence that we are in this together and that nothing has changed that is the problem.

The couple’s hesitation to vacation with a baby isn’t cold—it’s a stand for their lifestyle, clashing with their friends’ insistence that a child changes nothing. After years of shared scuba dives and psychedelic nights, the childfree duo craves freedom, not diaper schedules. Their friends’ pressure, from dismissing their boundaries to nudging them toward parenthood, risks fraying a once-tight bond.

This rift reflects a broader truth: parenthood reshapes friendships. The new parents, wrapped in their baby’s world, may not see how their expectations burden their childfree friends. Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist, notes, “Childfree individuals often face pressure to conform to pronatalist norms” (Psychology Today). The couple’s choice is valid, yet their friends’ comments suggest a lack of mutual respect.

A 2023 study found 45% of friendships strain when one party becomes a parent, often due to differing priorities (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships). The couple’s weekly visits show commitment, but vacations demand compromise they’re unwilling to make. The parents’ assumption that the couple should adapt ignores their autonomy.

To move forward, the couple should be direct yet kind, as DePaulo advises: “Clear communication preserves authenticity.” They could propose separate trips but offer local hangouts, like dinners, to maintain the bond. Addressing the parenting comments firmly—“We’re happy childfree, please respect that”—sets a tone of mutual understanding. Compromise, like a short group trip with clear boundaries, could test the waters.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of empathy and tough love. From practical boundary-setting tips to warnings about fading friendships, the comments are a lively blend of support and reality checks. Check out the community’s takes below—raw, real, and occasionally spicy.

localdisastergay − “We love you and we love Kiddo, but Partner and I are really committed to be child free because we’ve realized that we’re both able to give more love and support to children when we spend a day or a few hours together and then go back to our quiet space without the responsibility of caring for a tiny human.

I know there has been a lot of change in your lives recently and I’m so happy for you that you have a wonderful little family but that’s not what Partner and I want for ourselves. We definitely still want to spend time with you and Kiddo but that’s going to look differently than it used to. We love to come over to visit but when it comes to traveling we want to mostly stick to adult activities.”

SnooWords4839 − Swimming at the beach isn't the same as scuba diving. You go on a trip with their baby and dog, they will expect you to do dog/kid friendly activities. Consider going to a town within a few hours with them for a weekend and see how they behave.

They are going to want you to help with your godchild and dog. Set your boundaries, have separate rooms, not a joint Airbnb. You then do all the activities the 2 of you want and let them sit by the pool with their baby. Sleep in and stay out late, since you can.

indecisive_monkey − As a child free person myself, the best course of action here is to be direct. Tell them that you love them and are happy they’ve started their own family, but you’re not open to traveling with children and will not be doing so now or in the future. If they want to join and can find a sitter, great! If not, then unfortunately you’ll have to go without them.

I’d also mention how things are not the same as before they became parents, and neither would these trips, which would become family friendly by nature. Also nip the “you’d be great parents” thing in the bud. If they try that s**t again straight up tell them you’ve told them you’re child free and don’t appreciate those comments and that they make you uncomfortable.. But of luck to you!

jasperjonns − *or make them think we don’t want to be around them because of their child.* But that is why, and that is OKAY. They changed, you haven't. It's not going to get any better. I have had children, and even I don't want to vacation with ppl with kids, nothing about vacationing with babies and kids is relaxing. NOTHING. You are constantly at the whim of their schedules.

I don't blame you one bit. They may even have more kids, and god bless 'em but that does not mean you have to keep inviting them places. And yes it is very uncool of them to keep mentioning that you would be great parents, after they know you want to be child free. Maybe you could suggest that you have meetups without their baby, like going out to dinner or whatnot.

Maybe even offer to pitch in for a babysitter. See how they react to going out without the wee one and that will tell you what you need to know. Good luck. Everyone needs to face that the relationship dynamics have changed, and they will never go back to the way they were. You might need to get new besties. (while I was typing this I see ppl telling you you need therapy. Those are ppl with dogs and small children, you probably already know that ;P )

TheSpeckledSir − Your friends have become parents. Their lives and their priorities have now irrevocably changed. Maybe in a decade their children will be old enough to be left with a sitter while you all go away and party. In the meantime, spending time with this young family will mean choosing activities which can include the whole family.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with your position that you would rather have your vacation include scuba diving, mountain climbing, and doing drugs than include your friends. Vacations are for getting away and doing what you want to do. But there's no way to hold that position and not run the risk of disappointing your friends and making them feel excluded or left behind. This is the cost of choosing priorities.

Extension_Drummer_85 − Honestly the best course of action is to say you are going on a trip to do X kid not friendly activity and you don't think it's really a good idea to bring the kid along. If they ask you to do something else just say you really wanted to do x and you do t have enough leave time to do both. 

You really shouldn't have accepted the godparents thing, they clearly don't get that you're not into having children in your lives as a regular thing. There's really no way to directly tell them you don't want to be around their baby on holiday that won't offend them. 

IllusionsMichael − Having children changes and consumes your entire life and good parents will do that while prioritizing the children. It sounds like that isn't something you are willing to sign up for so you should be honest with your friend and tell them that. I would assume you are happy to remain friends but unwilling to change your life to revolve around their child, so just say that.

You pointing out your friend passively applying some pressure on you to have a kid is kinda s**tty and selfish of her too, asking you to uproot and change your life so her kid can potentially have another friend. If I was in your shoes I would ask her to stop saying that, and if she doesn't start putting some distance between you.

I'm a parent of twins and I have some childfree friends who we also saw a lot less of when we had our kids and I completely understood. They want to live their lives their way and we are doing our own different thing, so we are now a little less compatible so we adjusted. I still love to have them around when they are up for it but I wouldn't dare ask any more of them than that.

UnquantifiableLife − The reality is, once they have more friends with kids the same age as theirs, they're going to spend more time with them more naturally anyway. Playdates will take over their lives. You'll see them less and that's ok.

Samwry − As a parent, let me say this- I support you 100%. I wouldn't dream of insisting that my childfree friends subject themselves to my choice to start a family. IMHO you are doing great by maintaining your friendship as it is, meeting at least once a week, etc. Actually, it sounds like your friends are a bit jealous to be honest. Maybe they miss the things they used to be able to do as just a couple.

So by trying to invite themselves along, they can recapture at least some of that while getting a bit of free childcare along the way.. PLUS, they have a dog too...more complication. I am sure as time passes and their baby grows into a child, there will be more opportunities to do longer activities together. But until that day, you have nothing to apologize or feel guilty about.

the_owl_syndicate − it’s their insistence that we are in this together and that nothing has changed that is the problem. I've been in this situation with friends for a variety of reasons, from kids to SOs to jobs to living in different cities. It sucks, but change is part of life and with change comes different priorities, needs and wants.

Your friends' priorities have changed and there's nothing wrong with that. However, them expecting your priorities to change is a problem. If they want you to respect their choice, they need to respect yours. If they can't, well change is part of life and that includes letting certain friendships fade away. No one's fault, just part of life.

Do these Reddit opinions nail the situation, or are they just armchair advice? One thing’s clear: the crowd loves a good boundary showdown.

This couple’s story is a reminder that friendships evolve, especially when life choices diverge. By valuing their childfree lifestyle while cherishing their friends, they’re navigating a tricky balance. Setting boundaries with love, not guilt, could preserve the bond—or reveal if it’s time to let go. How do you handle friendships that shift with parenthood? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the convo going!

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