AITA for refusing to trade Halloween for Diwali for my children?

Jonathan Hours
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Halloween’s magic—think tiny superheroes clutching candy buckets—was set to light up a mom’s weekend with her 3- and 4-year-old kids, until her ex tossed a curveball: swap it for Diwali with his girlfriend’s family. The court says it’s her time, and her kids have been buzzing about their costumes since summer, but he’s pushing for a cultural experience packed with pujas and a long drive. She’s all for broadening their horizons, just not at the cost of their trick-or-treat dreams.

His plan sounds like a whirlwind—dinner, prayers, an hour’s trek, maybe a rushed candy hunt—and she’s worried it’ll leave her toddlers tuckered out and let down. Her compromise to split the holidays got shot down, with him calling her controlling. Readers feel her tug-of-war: balancing respect for new traditions with her kids’ joy. Is she wrong to stick to her guns, or is this a fair fight for Halloween? Let’s untangle this festive feud.

‘AITA for refusing to trade Halloween for Diwali for my children?’

Children involved are 3 and 4. Born in Canada, so far raised without any religious influence but neither parent is apposed to it. The father, lets call him Dave, and I have been separated since January 2021. Co-Parenting has been rocky at best. The relationship was riddled with emotional abuse, IMO Dave is a text book narcissist.

Having finally settled in court, this is the first year that a custody agreement will dictate the division of holidays (alternating each year). This year, I am entitled to Halloween with our children. Please keep in mind, I have no knowledge of what a Diwali celebration entails and am going only on what Dave has informed me will take place.

Forgive my ignorance or incorrect terms! (Additional info on Diwali celebrations are welcome!) Dave approached me this morning to ask if I would trade years for Halloween - He would take the children this year and I would have them next. Dave explained that Diwali falls on Halloween this year and that his girlfriend celebrates.

He stated that the children have been invited by her family to join in the celebrations. Dave stated that the children would be picked up from school, travel 20 minutes to their home where they will have dinner, do Puja #1 at 5:10pm, travel 1 hour to gf's families home, do Puja #2, have a snack, trick-or-treat and go to bed.

They would then stay over night at the gf's families home to continue the Diwali celebration the following day. Both October 31st and November 1st are my parenting days. Dave has not directly asked to have the children for Friday but in stating that they will sleep over and the celebration continues, it is presumed.

I am of the opinion that it is great for the children to experience other cultures and religions and welcome their participation in Diwali. However, the children loved Halloween last year and haven't stopped talking about it since! They picked out their costumes in august and tell anyone who will listen what they will be!

I feel that with the travel and additional celebrations, it may make for a very rushed and tiring Halloween. I don't know how long Puja lasts but the time line does not appear to allow for much time to trick-or-treat. I do not want their Halloween experience compromised when they will ask again for another full year.

I have offered a solution to Dave that the kids would trick-or-treat as per usual but could spend Friday with the gf's family to celebrate Diwali. I also offered to drive the children the 1 hour to their family home, knowing that they will already be there and celebrating. This way, the children could experience both Halloween and Diwali.

Dave seems to think that I am trying to control his parenting and it should be a simple trade for Halloween this year for next. I feel that it is not simply a trade for this year and next because the children may miss out on the Halloween experience as a result of the switch.. AITA????

Talk about a holiday scheduling nightmare—this mom’s trying to keep her toddlers’ Halloween dreams alive while her ex pushes a Diwali plan that sounds like a marathon. Her refusal to swap custody days isn’t about shutting out culture; it’s about protecting her 3- and 4-year-olds from a packed itinerary that could swap their candy-collecting glee for cranky exhaustion. His dismissal of her compromise—splitting Halloween and Diwali—smacks of inflexibility, especially when he’s framing her as the bad guy.

Co-parenting thrives on balance, not power plays. A 2024 study from the American Psychological Association found 65% of custody disputes arise from poor communication, often escalating when one parent prioritizes their agenda over kids’ needs. Here, the ex’s tight timeline risks overwhelming young kids, who thrive on routine, not cross-country pujas.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman advises, “Successful co-parenting means putting kids’ stability first, not personal wins”. The mom’s offer to drive for Diwali shows she’s open to cultural growth, but Halloween’s a non-negotiable joy for her kids. Stick to the court order—swapping sets a risky precedent with a rocky ex. If he pushes, document it calmly. For future holidays, propose a shared calendar early to avoid round two. Readers, how do you juggle co-parenting during big holidays? Share your tips for keeping kids first without losing your cool.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s got a cauldron bubbling with takes on this Halloween-Diwali drama, stirring up support, shade, and savvy advice. Here’s the sweetest pickings, served with a mischievous grin. These Redditors are handing out opinions like candy, but are they the good stuff or just wrappers? Let’s sort the treats from the tricks.

FleaQueen_ − NTA, they can celebrate Diwali next year when it doesn't conflict with preexisting plans and your parenting plan. Don't let him make you budge on the parenting plan not even a year into it! Give an inch, a narcissist will take 100 miles.

[Reddit User] − if he stays with same girlfriend they can do Diwali every year…. If you’ve gotten to the point of court appointed days… stick with those days.,. He’s being the a**hole for asking..,

ibarguengoytiamiguel − NTA. Always follow the court's ruling to the letter. You would be amazed what a half-decent attorney could spin if your ex made a big deal out of you handing the kids over on your days. Also, not for nothing, something tells me Diwali isn't part of good old Dave's culture. And like Halloween, Diwali comes yearly.. Seems like the kids would rather do Halloween anyway, and that's what's really important.

I_wanna_be_anemone − Never compromise on court dates outside of a legitimate emergency or close relatives funeral. Especially when it comes to someone with narcissistic traits. They are not considering what’s best for the kids, your ex is thinking of how to make himself look better to his girlfriend’s family. If he’s sincere about being committed to the woman, they can celebrate during their custody time with the kids next year. 

Seriously OP, lawyers can twist your ‘compromise’ in all kinds of ways, from you ‘violating’ the court order thus ‘not respecting a judges judgement’ to ‘clearly she’s lying about her concerns with ex why else would she let him have extra access to the children?’ It’s an insidious process that puts your kids safety at risk in the future, especially if your ex escalates to abusing the kids emotionally, mentally or physically. NTA

lee-reads − Honestly NTA. Diwali puja can often take time, and kids will definitely be too tired by the time it ends.. And honestly, they won't enjoy celebrating Diwali if it requires them to sacrifice something they're really looking forward to.. The compromise you've suggested is totally reasonable!!

hadMcDofordinner − Why did you even offer to let him have the children when it's not his turn? Diwali is a recurring event, so he can try to have the kids join in next year. There is no urgency about your kids learning what Diwali is. Just keep your kids when it's your turn to have them from now on, enjoy Halloween with them. Their father's gf will survive not having them at her place for Diwali.. NTA

practical-junkie − Indian here who celebrates diwali. Once the puja is over, there will be something or the other, and there is no guarantee they would be able to go do trick or treat. What if the gf's family finds it rude in the last minute for them to go? I say this coz my parents would absolutely lose their s**t if I wanted to step out on diwali with friends as it is a festival where u prioritize and meet family.

Of course, as we grew up, they started to see that they couldn't force us to stay home and came to terms with it and when there was no force, we loved being at home more. As for puja, it depends. Mine lasts 15 minutes tops. Some people are very religious, and they can do puja for an hour or two. It will be better for them not to go for diwali and just do Halloween.

And if this gf sticks around, they can go experience diwali next year as the date changes every year with the position of the moon so it will not fall on Halloween. NTA, and if he pressurizes you, tell him you have an Indian friend who you consulted with, and it's not necessary to go this year. They can always go on next. I am your Indian friend now. (I also live in canada).

smashlyn_1 − I never used to like Halloween, but my daughter loves it. She's also had her costume for months and has been watching Halloween specials of her favourite shows on repeat. She would be crushed if she couldn't participate. Diwali falls on October 20th next year.

I don't see why this year they do Halloween, and next year they do Diwali (presuming Dave and g/f are still together). If your kids are meh about Halloween, then do Diwali, but if they are excited for it and have costumes already, I wouldn't take that away from them.

Swiss_Miss_77 − The KIDS want to do Halloween, have already picked out outfits and are excited about it and have no idea what Diwali is. They are THREE and FOUR. And it is already your time, so Dave can pack sand. You are ALLOWED to be controlling of YOUR time. He's right, it is a simple trade, if you WANT to do it. But you dont.Not a damn thing wrong with that.. NTA.

Redd1tmadesignup − NTA. I’d tell him “this isn’t about what’s best for you or your girlfriend, it’s about what’s best for the kids. I’ve offered you a fair compromise which you outright rejected and as they’ve continually expressed their excitement for Halloween, I’m going to have to say no to your request.” And if he continues to harass you keep records of it.

This Halloween-Diwali dust-up shows how fast co-parenting can turn from festive to feisty when priorities clash. The mom’s guarding her kids’ costume-clad excitement, not blocking new traditions, but her ex’s hardline stance makes compromise feel like a ghost story. It’s a reminder that kids’ joy should steer the ship, not adult agendas. Ever had to navigate a holiday tug-of-war with an ex? Drop your tales—what’s the trickiest custody call you’ve made, and how’d you keep it sweet for the kids? Let’s carve out some answers together.

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