AITA for refusing to tell my mom my new address?

In a bustling city, a young woman slips into her new life, her heart still raw from a family showdown. At 23, she’s found love with a boyfriend her parents reject for his different culture, religion, and race. When her mother’s suspicions led to spying and a barrage of hurtful words, she fled to her boyfriend’s home, keeping her new address under lock and key. Now, her mom’s pleas for the address—to “ensure her safety”—stir up trust issues and old wounds. It’s a saga of independence versus family ties.

Readers can’t help but feel the sting of betrayal and the weight of her choice. This isn’t just about an address; it’s about carving out a safe space in a storm of judgment. With Reddit buzzing over her decision, this story dives into the messy heart of family loyalty and personal freedom. Let’s unpack the drama.

‘AITA for refusing to tell my mom my new address?’

I (23f) recently moved in with my boyfriend (23m). We’ve been dating for a couple years now and my parents didn’t know about him. This was because they would not approve for various reasons (different religion/culture/race). Well they found out.

Believe it or not but my mom got suspicious and followed me, saw me with him. They gave me absolute hell and I don’t think I cried that much in years. The things they said about me and my boyfriend were extremely hurtful and I decided enough was enough.

My boyfriend immediately had me move in and my sister helped. It’s been a couple months now and my mom has cooled down. My dad won’t talk to me but idgaf anymore. My mom and I will have civil conversations though she hasn’t apologized yet for following me (don’t think she ever will).

Anyways, none of them know my address. My sister and friends do, but my parents do not. They have absolutely no idea where I am. And while my mom claimed not to care the first months, she’s began asking me to give her the address so she knows I’m safe and where to look if something ever happened.

Thing is, I don’t want to. She promises she won’t tell my dad until he cools down but I don’t believe her. I also don’t want her to come over and find more things to judge my boyfriend for either. The pros just don’t seem to outweigh the cons for me.

My mom’s really upset about this. She keeps saying that she’s just trying to make sure her daughter is safe and that i don’t understand how scared she is. She said that I’m being inconsiderate towards her and causing her a lot of stress.

My boyfriend said that it’s ultimately my choice but he’d prefer that my dad doesn’t find out lol. My sister doesn’t know what she’d do but said that our mom is pretty stressed. I feel a little bad but again, I don’t feel it’s worth it. AITA?

Family ties can feel like a warm embrace or a chokehold, and this young woman’s standoff with her mother lays bare the tension. Her refusal to share her address stems from a breach of trust—her mother’s stalking and harsh words left scars. The mother’s plea for safety feels hollow when weighed against her unapologetic judgment. It’s a power struggle: the daughter’s autonomy versus parental control, complicated by cultural and racial biases.

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About 30% of young adults report strained family ties due to differing values, per a 2022 Pew study. For interracial couples, parental disapproval can intensify stress, especially when trust is broken. The mother’s actions—spying and refusing to apologize—undermine her claim of concern.

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, says, “Trust rebuilds through accountability, not demands for access”. Here, the mother’s lack of remorse justifies the daughter’s caution. Dr. Orbuch’s insight shows the user’s boundary is a shield, not spite. To move forward, the user could offer reassurance—like regular check-ins—while holding firm on the address. Therapy to navigate family dynamics could help, as could clear communication about her need for respect.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this one, dishing out support and strategy with a side of shade. Here’s the raw scoop from the community—bold and unfiltered.

Bonzi777 - NTA, but prepare for what you’d do if she finds out through other means, because if she followed you once, she will again.

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Quellecrist - NTA It's a trap! Of course it's a trap.This whole mess started when these people followed you and spied on you. You escaped. That's the thing your mom and dad are most upset with now. Not your safety. That you are out of their reach.

ManufacturerAfraid93 - NTA but you will be if you give her that address. That’s your boyfriend’s place, your priority should be only worrying about his safety. Period.

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Garamon7 - NTA. How do you feel about using sort of Catch-22 manipulation?. Tell her that if anything would happen to you, your boyfriend knows their contacts and will call them. If she can't agree with that it means she thinks that your boyfriend may be the one who will hurt you.. And it proves that she doesn't accept your relationship, so you can't trust her with your adress.

Heavy_Sand5228 - Tell your mom that you’re safe as long as her and your father don’t have your address. Trust your gut here and don’t feel bad for doing so. NTA

proud_didi - NTA. They can reach you by phone if they 'need' to get in touch with you. As long as you respond to them in a timely manner, even if only by text, there is no reason for them to claim to be worried.

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Your boyfriend took you in when you were being hatefully abused. He has stated he does not want them to know. Please do not betray his trust by telling them. It isn't just about your safety, but his as well.

CivilSenpai69 - NTA. Pick up the phone and tell those people that due to their inappropriate behavior and the way they treated your BF you will not be giving them your address. Tell them to self reflect,

that they owe both of you an apology, and if they can't do that you wish them well and go NC. They sound r**ist, classist, or some form of religious stupidity so I wonder why you would even want that in your life.

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YouthNAsia63 - Your mom in in contact with you. She *knows* you are ok. She should be satisfied with that. (But you know she will not be, you know she will wheedle your address out of *somebody*, eventually. Too many people know your address). OP, you are very much legally an adult,

and you can do what you want. And if you don’t want your disapproving, overly controlling, and opinionated mom showing up on your doorstep whenever she feels like it, you will keep your address from her.. And grey rock her. You will be happier for it. NTA

Brainjacker - NTA. Is your mom a trauma surgeon? First responder? SWAT team coordinator? How exactly does she intend to use your address to keep you safe?. These parents who want information, grace, spare keys, etc, that they’re not entitled to is wild.

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Rasputin-BKM - Your mom said you are being inconsiderate towards her? This same women who stalked you, attacked you and your boyfriend verbally? Please dont tell her, like every comment I have seen so far, this is a trap. NTA, maybe it's time to go full NC with your parents for a while.

These Reddit opinions are fiery, but do they capture the full complexity of family trust and cultural clashes?

This Reddit tale leaves us pondering: when does protecting your peace trump family ties? The user’s choice to hide her address guards her new life from judgment, but her mother’s stress tugs at her heart. It’s a delicate dance of love, trust, and autonomy. What would you do if your parents crossed a line you couldn’t forgive? Drop your stories below—have you ever had to shield your life from family? Let’s keep the convo going.

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