AITA for refusing to tell my ex or my family where my son is?

In a quiet hospital corridor, a mother’s heart races as she faces an unexpected confrontation. Years ago, she left behind a fractured family and an ex who wanted nothing to do with their newborn son, seeking peace in a new life. Now, drawn back by news of her father’s illness, she senses a trap and leaves her 3-year-old with a trusted friend. Her instincts prove right when her ex ambushes her, demanding to know her son’s whereabouts.

The sting of betrayal cuts deep as her own family sides with her ex, pressuring her to comply. Torn between protecting her son and facing their accusations, she stands firm, haunted by past rejection. Readers might feel the weight of her distrust, wondering: when does safeguarding your child clash with others’ claims of “rights”? This story of loyalty and suspicion grips the soul.

‘AITA for refusing to tell my ex or my family where my son is?’

My son is 3, while I was pregnant my ex made it clear he wanted no involvement in his life and we got divorced over it. I moved away shortly after because nobody was supportive and I felt like my family resented my son and blamed him for my failed marriage.

My ex is on the birth certificate and he does contribute financially but he’s never wanted to see our son. After our son was born, his lawyer contacted me to arrange the finances. He told me my ex would prefer if I stayed where I was (i.e. far away from him) and that me or my son don’t cause any disturbance in his life.

If I needed anything, I was supposed to contact his lawyer who would handle it. The one time we ended up in the same place he wouldn’t even look at our son.. So, this whole situation came as a surprise to me.

My brother contacted me after years of no contact to tell me our dad was ill and in the hospital. He said he wanted to see me and made it seem like he didn’t have much time to live. I don’t know why but I had a bad feeling so while I did go, I asked an old friend who lived nearby to watch my son while I went to see my dad. My dad was sick but it wasn’t nearly as bad as my brother made it seem.

I visited 3 times, each time I left my son with my friend. On the second visit my parents asked me to bring my son with me the next time because they wanted to meet him. I never took him with me because I just didn’t feel right and I’m glad I didn’t because my ex was there.

We ended up having a fight because he wanted his son and was angry I hadn’t brought him with me. He wanted me to tell him where my son was and got angrier when I wouldn’t. My family sided with him and they all tried to convince me to tell him because, as the father, they felt he deserved to know.. AITA?

Navigating an ex’s sudden demand for access to a child can feel like stepping into a legal and emotional maze. The mother’s refusal to disclose her son’s location stems from a history of abandonment—her ex explicitly rejected involvement, communicating only through lawyers. His abrupt appearance at the hospital, orchestrated with her family’s help, reeks of manipulation. Her family’s alignment with him ignores her son’s emotional safety, prioritizing “father’s rights” over her valid concerns.

This situation reflects broader issues of co-parenting and trust. A 2022 report from Family Process notes that 45% of divorced parents face conflicts over custody due to inconsistent communication. Here, the ex’s failure to use legal channels escalates tension unnecessarily. The mother’s protective instinct is justified, given her son’s age and vulnerability to rejection.

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Dr. Joshua Coleman, a family estrangement expert, states in Psychology Today, “Rebuilding trust after estrangement requires consistent, transparent effort.” The ex’s ambush violates this, undermining any claim to involvement. His actions suggest a motive—perhaps guilt or external pressure—rather than genuine interest. The mother’s family, complicit in the setup, further erodes trust.

Legally, the ex has no automatic right to see the child without a court-ordered visitation plan, as confirmed by family law resources like Nolo. The mother should consult a lawyer to formalize communication and propose a gradual, court-supervised reintroduction if her ex is serious. For now, maintaining distance protects her son’s stability.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit squad jumped into this family drama like detectives at a crime scene, dishing out support and sharp-witted theories. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

PurpleMarsAlien − NTA for not bringing your son. Right now, maintain the status quo. But you do have to figure out what the shape of your Ex's future involvement in his life is going to be. My recommendation would be to tell your Ex that if he wants to enter into his son's life, it will be done via the court system,

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with a defined step-up plan and defined custody schedule. Get a lawyer, have a lawyer draw up a proposal. Send it to his lawyer. Ignore your parents, they have no involvement in this. They opted out of your son's life, and you have no legal responsibility to let them back in.

Mopper300 − NTA and the fact that your own parents were in contact with your ex (why???) and set a trap for you is just more justification that you're doing the right thing.

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mdthomas − This isn't a question for Reddit. This is a question for a lawyer.

Savings-Artichoke434 − NTA. Tell him to communicate with your lawyer. 3 years old is old enough to understand the situation and feel the r**ection. This situation can be devastating and your son must be protected.

[Reddit User] − NTA - ex acting weird. Why didn't he tell his lawyer to recind his words if he wants a relationship with you son? Maybe he doesn't want the guilt to consume him so he's putting on an act infront of your family so you look like the bad guy. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.... Your family is also being weird af. I see why you felt like you need to move away.

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personofpaper − NTA Your ex-husband obviously has a lawyer. If he wants to see his son and/or be part of his life, he could petition the court for visitation. Or set up a meeting between the two of you to discuss it.. But to use your sick father to lure you into a trap? That is unsettling.

VixNeko − NTA. Contact your lawyer and get a cease and desist. He made it clear *through his own lawyer* that he wanted nothing to do with your son. If he wants contact now, he has to go through the same process: By contacting you through his lawyer to work out potential visitations.

Ok-Neighborhood-1600 − Info: what does he mean by he wanted his son? Was he planning on just taking him?

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1962Michael − NTA. Your ex does not have any visitation schedule. He does not have a right to see the child unless it is supported by court order. Ambushing you at the hospital is not the way to adjust visitation or custody.. It seems like your family set you up for this confrontation. They're TA as well.

Fattdog64 − NTA, but it sure sounds like a setup. I would strongly suggest that you cut all contact with your family until you and your lawyer find out what his game is. To go from wanting zero to do with his child to an a**ush attempt to see him says he has some messed up motive. Like he has a new love in his life that wants to play mommy with your son. Or some other equally stupid thing. Good luck, you are going to need it.

Redditors backed the mother’s instincts, slamming the ex’s shady tactics and her family’s betrayal. Some sniffed out a possible act to dodge guilt, while others urged legal action. But do these fiery takes nail the full story, or are they just fueling the drama?

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This mother’s story is a raw reminder of the lengths one goes to shield a child from harm, even when surrounded by betrayal. Her refusal to bend under pressure from her ex and family underscores a fierce commitment to her son’s peace. It raises tough questions about trust, rights, and second chances. What would you do if faced with a sudden demand from an absent parent? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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