AITA For Refusing to teach student who mocked my grief?

In the quiet of a Hebrew school classroom, an 18-year-old teacher’s aide shares her grief over her grandfather’s passing, hoping to foster openness with her 7th-grade students. But when one student and her friends mock her pain, the sting cuts deep. After suspending the trio, the aide drops the girl from her tutoring sessions, only for the student’s parents to ignore her boundary, dropping their daughter uninvited at her doorstep.

Standing firm, she leaves the girl on her porch, sparking fury from the parents and a split among her colleagues. As accusations of endangering the child fly, she questions her resolve. This tale of grief, respect, and professional limits pulls readers into a raw clash, where personal loss meets a battle for dignity.

‘AITA For Refusing to teach student who mocked my grief?’

I (f18) work as a teacher’s aid in a hebrew school class. I work in 7th grade, which means my students are in the final months before their b’nei mitzvahs (Jewish coming of age ceremony that requires a lot of prep). However, because of COVID, many of this year’s students are behind where they need to be to have their ceremonies,

and so I (and other teachers) have started offering tutoring outside of the classroom to help them be prepared when their day rolls around. Now, I have this one student (f13) who is usually very well behaved in our one-on-one sessions,

but clearly has some behavioral issues, likely stemming from having critical social growth years lost to the pandemic. I usually enjoy teaching her, but recently, things have gotten… challenging. Her parents were always difficult (consistently late in paying me, changing her tutoring time mere hours before it was originally scheduled for) but I know they’re both struggling too, so I tried to be accommodating.

However, this student has started acting out to the point that it is really hard to teach her, and she clearly isn’t practicing like she tells me she is, and won’t confess no matter how obvious it is, and that there is no punishment/consequence/disapproval over not practicing, it would just mean readjusting a schedule.

And then, three weeks ago, my grandfather passed. I came into class (group session, not to tutoring) and because the teachers and I are trying to keep an open space where the students feel comfortable sharing, I let the class know what was going on in my life.

This student and her two friends (M12 & NB13) began to openly mock by grief. I was furious. All three were suspended, and I informed her parents that I would send her materials to the other teacher of their choice but that I would no longer teach this girl.

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They were furious, but I ignored their angry messages beyond repeating that I would help her work with one of the other teachers - I could just no longer teach her. Both teachers stood by me. The student did send me an apology at this point, and of the three students it was the most heart felt, but it was still half-assed and the damaged had been done.

However, yesterday would have been our next tutoring session, but I had cancelled her classes. So imagine my surprise when I get a message that her mom is bringing her to my house (where I do my tutoring). I told her I could not teach her daughter and that she wasn’t welcome in my home, but 10 minutes later she was one my front porch.

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The weather was nice out (75F and sunny) so I left her there until her parents came back an hour later. Her parents are furious and are trying to have me fired for endangering their child. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but the teachers I work with are split 50/50.. So, Reddit, AITA?

Edit before discussion begins because I realize I should have included this: I live in a safe neighborhood and I have a ring camera I used to keep an eye on her the whole time. If I ever believed she was unsafe, I would have let her in.

Edit: Thank you all for your advice! I didn’t feel comfortable going to CPS/cops on my own yet, but I’ve talked to one of the other teachers and they’re looking into doing so now.

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Grief can amplify workplace tensions, and this aide’s experience underscores the need for boundaries. Dr. Judith Orloff, an empathy expert, notes in The Empath’s Survival Guide (Psychology Today), “Setting limits with disrespectful behavior preserves emotional well-being.” The student’s mockery, compounded by her parents’ entitlement, justified the aide’s decision to stop tutoring, especially after a half-hearted apology failed to mend the breach.

The parents’ act of dropping off their daughter, despite clear refusal, was manipulative. A 2024 study shows 65% of educators face pressure from parents to overlook student misbehavior (Journal of Education, Teacher Stress). The aide’s choice to leave the girl on the porch, while monitored via camera, was a bold assertion of her boundary, though it risked escalating the conflict.

Orloff suggests addressing such disputes with calm assertiveness. The aide could document the incident and involve school leadership to mediate, protecting her job while reinforcing her stance. Her collaboration with another teacher to explore reporting options is a proactive step.

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For readers, maintaining professional boundaries requires clear communication. If faced with similar disrespect, document incidents and seek institutional support to uphold your limits without compromising safety or ethics.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew swung in with fierce support, dishing out praise and righteous indignation. From blasting the parents’ audacity to cheering the aide’s resolve, the comments were a rallying cry. Here’s the raw scoop:

Radiant-Legend − NTA- You said you would no longer teacher her and they just throw her on your doorstep? If anything THEY endangered their child by leaving them someone they weren't welcome.

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AL_Starr − NTA!!!!! Her PARENTS left her, if anyone “endangered” her it was them. The entitlement is beyond belief.

Long_Ad_8563 − NTA. As far as I'm concerned, what the parents did was child abandonment, which is clear negligent on their part. You made it very clear that you would not be teaching the child anymore and that the child wasn't welcome in your home. The kids knew what they were doing was wrong when they mocked your grief and they are old enough to understand right from wrong.

texangal91 − NTA. Stand your ground. Do NOT give in. You have a right to not want to teach their horrendous daughter anymore. Let the teachers deal with it. Parents these days think they can walk all over teachers and its not true. I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns thus far. Keep at it!

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razzlemcwazzle − NTA. it sounds like they’re trying to bully you into reversing your decision. you rightfully decided to stop tutoring her after she mocked a death, and *of course* you don’t want to deal with a repeat of that.. •. INFO: why the one student and not the three?

Obvious_Ad_8068 − NTA. You have every right to choose who you are going to tutor asides official school hours. What the parents did was repulsive. They had no right to try to force their daughter inside 'your house' while risking her own safety, just because they can't take no for an awnser. I don't think you broke any law here and I think you job will be safe.. The parents are among the biggest assholes I've read about on this sub.

redraybans123 − NTA….teacher here…7th graders are the red headed stepchildren of all the grades

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actuallywaffles − NTA. You said you wouldn't tutor her, you informed her mom before she was dropped off you weren't going to tutor her. No wonder her daughter is a bully, her mother tried to bully you as well. She abandoned her own child there.

For all she knew you'd made other plans and weren't home at the time. She took the chance and tried to force you to do it anyway. If you'd taken the girl in she'd have kept doing that. She's harassing you and using a child as her weapon to do so cause she doesn't like being told 'no' for extremely valid reasons.

rapt2right − NTA. Please accept my condolences for your grandfather's passing. May his memory be a blessing.. This child's parents are not doing their daughter any favors in facilitating her d**adful behavior.

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You told them that you wouldn't be available for her and you kept your word. You would have been justified in reporting them for abandonment for leaving the girl on your doorstep, assuming that you would give in.

You did nothing wrong and I think it might even be a mitzvah to be the reason this girl finally faces a genuine consequence. It's a lesson as important in preparation for coming of age as polishing her Hebrew and developing a pleasant, clear speaking voice so she can be heard when she's she's called forth.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your Grandfather obviously meant a lot to you. It was Rude and Disrespectful that those students mocked you grieving. I wouldn't look at those students the same either. What's done is done. They shouldn't have mocked you to begin with.

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Redditors backed the aide’s stand, calling the parents’ actions abandonment and the student’s behavior inexcusable. Some urged legal action; others praised her restraint. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or just fuel the drama?

This classroom clash shows how grief can test professional resolve when disrespect rears its head. The aide’s refusal to teach a mocking student, even under pressure, sparks a debate about boundaries and accountability. Her story challenges us to balance empathy with self-respect in tough moments. What would you do if a student crossed a personal line? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s unpack this one!

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