AITA for refusing to take my niece in which means she has to move to a different country?

Ellen Andrade Hours
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The air was thick with tension in a small family gathering when a 16-year-old girl’s world turned upside down. Her parents’ decision to uproot their lives for a job halfway across the globe left her pleading to stay behind, clinging to her friends, job, and school. In a desperate bid to avoid the move, she turned to her 26-year-old uncle, hoping he’d be her lifeline. But when he said no, the family erupted in a storm of hurt feelings and heated arguments.

This Reddit saga captures a raw, relatable clash of personal boundaries and family expectations. The young man, caught in a whirlwind of guilt and pressure, faces a moral tug-of-war: should he sacrifice his freedom to save his niece’s happiness, or stand firm in his choice? The story pulls readers into a drama that’s as emotional as it is thought-provoking.

‘AITA for refusing to take my niece in which means she has to move to a different country?’

I am 26M, My sister is 38F and my niece is 16F. To explain that agegap, my sister was planned I was a complete surprise that was not supposed to happen lol. My sister has 3 kids, 2 of them are under 12 so don't care much about moving, meanwhile the niece this is about, is 16, really settled, loads of friends, a job, doing great at school, lived here her entire life and she loves it here, no 2 ways about it.

So when my sisters husband got a job in another country halfway round the world she begged her dad not to take it, but he did with support of my sister, undestandable considering the cost of living there is lower and his wages will double. Well my niece threw a fit, refusing to move, begging them to reconsider and so on.

She even asked her grandparents from both sides to take her in, but they said no, in the case of my and my sisters parents they are just too old and are actively looking for a retirement home. So for some reason I was volunteered, not sure who brought it up but all of a sudden I was expected to take my niece in until she could go to college. I immediatly said no and from there all hell broke loose.

My niece now hates me as she saw me as her saving grace, my sister hates me as she now has to deal with my niece who has completely flipped out, my parents have said I should reconsider as it will at most be 2 years before she goes to college and thus moves out. I sort of feel like a d**k as I love my niece and I have the money and the space but I dont want to essentially be taking care of my niece for the next few years you know?

Family decisions like relocating can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when kids are involved. The OP’s refusal to take in his niece highlights a clash between individual freedom and family duty. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, “Clear boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, but they can cause friction when expectations misalign” (Gottman Institute). Here, the niece’s parents chose financial stability, while she prioritizes her social roots, and OP guards his independence.

The niece’s distress is valid—moving at 16 disrupts critical developmental years. A 2019 study from the Journal of Social Psychology notes that teenagers who relocate internationally often face higher stress due to social disconnection (Springer). Yet, OP’s stance is equally reasonable; taking on a teen is a massive commitment, especially at 26. His sister’s anger seems misplaced—she made the move decision, not him.

Broadening the lens, this story reflects a common societal tension: who bears responsibility for tough family choices? Dr. Gottman’s advice on open communication could help here—OP could discuss temporary solutions, like summer visits, to ease the niece’s transition. Ultimately, setting boundaries, as OP did, fosters long-term respect, even if it stings now.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew dove into this family drama with gusto, serving up a platter of spicy takes and heartfelt nods. From cheering OP’s boundary-setting to empathizing with the niece’s heartbreak, the comments were a lively mix of support and shade. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

cheekymonkey083 − NTA. You shouldn't be forced to do something that you don't want to do. Also, if your niece is throwing a fit to get her way now, she'll continue to do it if she moves in with you. You are not her parent.

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catslady123 − Absolutely NTA. I am empathetic to the niece and I’d probably be pissed if that happened to me at 16 too. But her parents’ decision to move is not your fault, and you have every right not to take in a kid that isn’t yours in this situation.

Edit: also your sister doesn’t get to be mad at you for a decision she and her husband made! Being a parent means having to make hard choices that impact your kids.... and living with the consequences.

wf_of_wall_street − NTA why are the people who said no themselves (your parents) currently insisting that you reconsider? That's ridiculous. You are 26 & taking care of a 16 yr old is a huge commitment.

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Thediciplematt − NTA. No way man. Most 26 year olds can barely take care of themselves. Let alone be responsible for a 16 year old.. Not your problem, but I’m sure you sympathize with your niece.

stophittingthyself − NTA - As your parents well know, looking after children doesn't magically stop at 18 whether she is in college or not. It's likely you'll be guilted into looking after her for a long time if they're in another country.

Tell them something like 'It's not fair to take your frustrations out on me, I didn't cause this, your child is your responsibility, I will not be make the 's**pegoat'' (I don't know how that translates to non English speaking countries but I'm sure you have an equivalent term!)

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ImmortalAuthor − NTA, you're not her parent you don't have parental responsibility to her period. Why should you derail your whole life for someone elses child? It will be difficult for her but many people have moved countries at her age before, she'll survive.

Ginger_Tea − NAH. I can get where she is coming from, I was moved to just outside Manchester from the other end of England when I finished my 2nd year of GCSE level education, my brother however had finished school and was quickly enrolled in a YTS program and got a job out of it sometime after.. ​

I got s**t for the three years I was there and wished we waited till after I finished school as well, but my dad didn't want to be far from his parents who were getting on in life (they both outlived him) and my maternal grandparents had already passed on, and my mum had little to no ties where we were.. ​

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From her POV it's two years of High School (which I assume would still be paid for by her parents including allowance etc) and when she's a legal adult she could go to college and be out of your hair.. ​ But from your POV it's another mouth to feed with whatever your pay cheque brings in, which you may not be able to budget for without some financial kickback from them,

but they might argue 'We can't afford that, bla bla bla.' due to the changes to the cost of living where things now look to cost so much more in America. ​ Moving always sucks for most kids, those 12 year olds might actually regret the move when the reality of not seeing their friends,

and potential language barriers in developing new ones, they might not be as fussed because there is no 'light at the end of the tunnel' of being an adult in two years. There are other kids who are always moving either because they are army brats or something else,

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I always feel it is a detriment to their education as not all schools teach the same lessons at the same time, you might find yourself acing a lesson because you did it at your old school, yet fail another because 'Why don't you know this already?' 'Because my old school had not gotten round to it yet.'

sauce_on_sneakers − NTA. Big NTA. You do not have to take care of someone else’s child if you do not want to. Especially if you were just volunteered and never said it was okay with you. I understand she doesn’t want to move and her whole life will change;

but her moving into your house for at minimum two years will be life changing for you too. Sorry your family are all being dicks and not looking at this from your perspective. They all said no too. If you’re the bad guy, so is everyone else who rejected her from living with them.

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[Reddit User] − NAH, and maybe this isn’t feasible, but could they send her to boarding school in your current country? She could spend summers in the new country (or maybe stay for parts of them with you, hosting a teenager for a few weeks is much better than hosting a teenager for TWO YEARS).

My parents made me move countries when I was 13 (admittedly an easier age than 16) and we looked into boarding school options. I toughed it out in the new location and got citizenship there tho so it all worked out in the end.

Kettlewise − NTA. Dude, both her parents are ALIVE? (Really not where I thought this was going based on the title) No, you are not the a**hole for not wanting to take in a 16yo who doesn’t even need it, but who is just mad her family is moving. And what the hell is up with your sister (the mom) being mad at you?

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You have nothing to do with the family deciding to move, and it’s unbelievable she is expecting you to take HER daughter in to “keep the peace”. (And everyone else said no, why are you the one getting so much s**t? And the fact no one asked if you would have been willing first.)

These Redditors didn’t hold back, with some fist-bumping OP’s resolve and others sighing over the niece’s plight. But do their snap judgments capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

This tale of family friction leaves us pondering where duty ends and personal choice begins. OP’s refusal stirred a pot of emotions, from his niece’s devastation to his sister’s frustration. Yet, his stand sparks a bigger question about balancing love with independence. What would you do if you were in OP’s shoes—open your home to a teen or hold your ground? Share your thoughts and experiences below; let’s keep this conversation rolling!

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