AITA for refusing to take “my child” back?

Ten years ago, a young woman’s gut whispered something was wrong, but the weight of a newborn and an uncertain future drowned it out. Now, that whisper haunts her as adoptive parents demand she reclaim a son she gave up at birth, now a 10-year-old with severe autism. Her refusal sparks a firestorm of guilt, accusation, and family tension. It’s a raw, emotional tug-of-war between duty and self-preservation, set against the backdrop of a cozy family life she’s fought to build.

The scene unfolds in a quiet suburban home, where stability is a hard-won treasure. Readers will feel the mother’s dread and resolve, wondering: can you ever truly walk away from a child you birthed? This story pulls at heartstrings, raising questions about adoption, responsibility, and the limits of love.

‘AITA for refusing to take “my child” back?’

I technically have two children. I have a weird but vague family history of mental disorders, which means that some people were clearly off, but no diagnoses were made because of the time or culture. When I first got pregnant at 20, I was not ready for a baby financially, and neither was my now husband.

My first pregnancy, I had...let's call it a premonition, that something was very, very wrong with him. But everything was fine physically. We decided to place him up for adoption. Some relatives of mine who had wanted a baby ended up adopting him at birth, and it was like having a weight lifted off me.

Two years later, our son was diagnosed with autism, and that boyfriend and I got married. They were doing therapies, and it was supposedly mild. We didn't maintain contact with them well and still don't. They were furious when we got married and did not attend.

A year after that, I got pregnant with our daughter. I felt fine to great the whole way through, no anxiety. My daughter was born and is healthy and neurotypical. We don't want more children, and we have a perfectly fine life for a family of three now. We were even able to take her to Disney last year.

My son is now 10 and my daughter is 7. Apparently, his autism is actually very severe, not mild at all. He's the worst case scenario with the disorder. Can't be toilet trained, non verbal, everything. His adoptive parents think that somehow I knew, and did an adoption to 'escape my responsibility'.

All I have is that premonition that I kept quiet about because it sounded too crazy. They now think that I should take him back, as I'm married to his father and we're perfectly stable. It took us a while to get to where we are, and having a child like him would ruin the progress we've made and destroy our daughter's childhood and place an unfair burden on her entire life.

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Quite honestly, they wanted a child and they got one. They legally adopted him, and he's their responsibility. There's no legal consequences for refusing and I can't be forced. AITA for refusing wholesale?. EDIT: I know that we're not his parents. I just call him my son for the sake of simplicity.

This situation is a emotional landmine, with everyone clutching their version of right and wrong. The mother’s refusal to take back her son, legally adopted a decade ago, pits personal stability against moral expectations. The adoptive parents’ demand—essentially trying to “return” a child with severe autism—highlights a failure to cope, but their accusation that she “knew” smacks of deflection. As Psychology Today notes, parenting children with severe autism can strain even the most prepared families, with 80% of such parents reporting significant stress (National Autism Association).

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Dr. Temple Grandin, an autism advocate, emphasizes, “Every autistic child needs stability and understanding, not rejection” (Temple Grandin’s website). Here, the adoptive parents’ push to offload their son disregards his need for consistency, while the mother’s refusal protects her daughter’s well-being but risks seeming cold. The broader issue is society’s lack of support for families raising children with disabilities—only 30% of such families receive adequate resources, per a 2024 CDC report.

The mother’s premonition, likely a mix of anxiety and intuition, isn’t proof of foresight but a common pregnancy fear. She should stand firm legally, as adoption is final, but could offer non-financial support, like connecting the adoptive parents to autism resources via Autism Speaks. Open dialogue, though tough, might ease tensions.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit squad showed up with pitchforks and empathy, dishing out a mix of support and heartbreak. From slamming the adoptive parents’ audacity to mourning the boy’s plight, the comments are a rollercoaster of raw takes. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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Captain_Tiny − NTA; they adopted him, he’s their child. Children are not returnable just because they need more effort than people were expecting. You had no way of knowing how severe the kid’s autism was going to be, you gave him up for adoption because you weren’t ready for a baby at that time: they don’t get to make you take him back because they don’t want him anymore.

locomama83 − NTA - good god! They adopted a child and now they want to give him back!? You may have given birth to him, but they signed adoption papers saying they wanted to be his parents. It doesn’t matter that you’re married now.

TooHardToThinkOfName − NTA Hes not your child if you gave him up, he’s their child. But this seems like a situation for social services and not reddit

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Twirdman − NTA. An adoption isn't like picking up a refrigerator at Sears. You don't get returns because you don't like what you got. They are talking about just giving up a child they've raised for 10 years because they don't want to do it anymore?

Yes raising an autistic child is hard, but that doesn't mean you can just abandon your responsibility as parents and they are the child's parents. They adopted him and raised him until it got too inconvenient for them.

Bicycle_girl22 − NTA but the whole situation is sad.

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RolandDeschain1982 − NTA. You are not his parents. You can’t just take a severely autistic child at ten years old and put him with a new family, that’s outrageous. His parents adopted him and it’s awful that now they want to get rid of him. They are huge AH, you not at all.

megadeadly − Honestly. This isn’t an a**hole situation. This is f**king sad. The poor boy is unwanted in every aspect and it’s going to be a shitshow for him moving forward.. Hopefully someone will come into his life to love him and treat him right.

chefboyardeejr − NTA and pay no mind to your 'premonition'. All pregnant women have irrational beliefs and fears... Then, if something goes wrong, they'll say 'I KNEW it!' If not, they forget all about it or admit they were being silly. You can't test for autism, it's absurd.

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That being said, I have serious concerns about how everyone is talking about this child. Why would y'all not work collaboratively to find a productive solution? I realize it's not your responsibility, legally or otherwise, but isn't it just the right thing to do? I also don't mean financially, everyone just sounds really callous here

melonmagellan − EHS. They suck for obvious reasons. You suck for the first way you talk about this child... Like he's just a object, not a person, with your sole concern being him 'ruining your life progress.'. With the way his adopted parents are acting, who knows if abuse is involved or how they treat him.

_yellowlights − NTA absolutely. Why are they accusing you of somehow 'knowing' that the child was not neurotypical, but now that they have to care for him and actually act as parents for a child they wanted, suddenly they remembered that he is *your* son?

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Sounds cruel and irresponsible. You don't have to care for a child that is literally not yours. This boy does not know you or your husband as parents (if at all). Imagine the emotional turmoil he would go through if he experienced that kind of change, amplified by his autism. Those people are really selfish and heartless.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, calling out the adoptive parents’ irresponsibility while grappling with the story’s sadness. Some see the mother’s stance as pragmatic; others find her tone too detached. But do these fiery opinions capture the whole truth, or are they just kindling for more drama?

This story is a stark reminder that family ties can twist into knots of guilt and obligation. The mother’s choice to protect her current life clashes with the adoptive parents’ desperate plea, leaving a vulnerable boy caught in the middle. It’s a messy, human dilemma with no easy answers. What would you do if faced with such a heartrending decision? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s dive into this emotional storm together.

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