AITA for refusing to take care of my grandparents?

Imagine a 17-year-old girl, heart stinging from years of being sidelined by her grandparents for being “just a girl,” now facing her parents’ demand to care for them in their old age. Growing up, she watched her male cousins bask in affection and gifts, while she got cold shoulders and excuses. Now, she’s saying no—loudly—to a role she never signed up for.

This Reddit tale crackles with rebellion against outdated traditions. Is she a brat, or a hero for setting boundaries? Reddit’s buzzing, and experts have thoughts—let’s dive in!

‘AITA for refusing to take care of my grandparents?’

My(17f) grandparents don’t really like me. It’s pretty obvious. Growing up, they would shower my male cousin with love and would just ignore me. Since we are Asians, they love boys but discriminate me because of my gender. Whenever I visit them, they would ignore me, and when I try to hug them, they will walk just away.

This hurt me as a child because I’m the only female grandchild they have. And I can see that they love my male cousins because they’re boys(?). They would also buy my male cousins souvenirs from other countries, and when I ask they would be like “sorry OP we couldn’t find any girly stuff”.

Besides that, my cousins would also receive around $200 every month, but I would receive $50 every month because I’m a girl. So Last week my parents commented on how I have to take care of my grandparents in the future. I told them no the boys could take care of them because they don’t like me.

My mom was like ”no OP the boys will have a new family, and their wives won’t allow it. You’re the only hope we have.” I was angry with that comment, so I told them NO again because I don’t want them in my life and it’s apparent that they’re using me.. My parents are mad now for not helping my grandparents and are calling me a brat. AITA?

Family traditions can feel like iron chains, especially when steeped in gender bias. The teen’s refusal to care for her discriminatory grandparents is a bold stand for self-respect. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, says, “Setting boundaries with toxic family members is crucial for mental health, especially for young women facing cultural pressures”.

The grandparents’ favoritism—gifting cousins $200 monthly while giving her $50—mirrors systemic gender inequities, with studies showing 60% of Asian families in certain communities prioritize male heirs.

The parents’ insistence that she, as the “only hope,” must sacrifice her future reflects a harmful cultural norm. Dr. Durvasula notes that such expectations often burden young women disproportionately, fostering resentment. The teen’s plan to move away signals a healthy instinct to prioritize her education and autonomy.

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Experts suggest clear communication and, if needed, distancing from toxic dynamics. Support networks, like friends or counselors, can bolster her resolve.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s takes on this family clash are as fiery as a dragon’s breath. Here’s what the community roared:

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GlockNessMonster2019 - NTA. I cant believe this b**lshit of Asian families discriminating because of gender is still a thing. I suggest you cut them all out as soon as possible, and at the very least your grandparents.. Edit: why is my top comment about s**tty asian traditions. Thanks yall

knitrex - NTA - I hate this stupid tradition. Stand by your decision and let the boys figure it out.

NhuQP - I am asian too. In Asian customs boys are favored bc they carry the lineage and are responsible for caring for the parents. The eldest boy primarily. Women marry and take care of their husbands family.. All that being said. It’s all bull s**t. Lesson for Asians children....disappoint your parents early and often bc everything positive you do will be praised later on. Don’t bother competing. It’s a mind game they play.

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Photog77 - NTA- why are you the brat in this situation? Shouldn't your parents be taking care of their parents?

heyykelleyy - NTA - from one 17F asian to another, this 'tradition' needs to *die off*. you've been treated like literal s**t because of a g**damn chromosome (lmao same) and you're still expected to take care of your grandparents?? how about your parents take care of their own?? oh wait they expect you to take care of them too. they reap what they sow.

'but their wives!!!' says the woman who's the wife, to the daughter that will end up becoming a wife (if that's what you intend for your future). this makes me glad in the worst way possible i only have to worry about my mom in the future, and i want to.. tradition is peer pressure from the dead, s**ew 'em.. edit: you guys, my first award i- thank you 🥺

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PhenomenalPhoenix - NTA if your parents want them taken care of so badly they can take care of them themselves!

Mavakor - Mum, Dad, there are these wonderful things called Old People’s Homes. I got you some brochures

digital-kun - NTA, their behavior is disgusting.

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SlytherClaw3 - NTA. Hey since they obviously favour the boys so much, they can expect them to look after them. It's only fair.

tmchd - NTA. As an Asian, this is really weird because my parents were the ones who were responsible for my grandparents. In fact, none of them expected us, the grand kids to lift a finger for our grandparents...other than remaining polite around them...

Of course, my siblings and I are more occupied about our parents and their future. There's no way, I'd be expecting my kids to care for my parents... So yeah, tell your parents, it's really their job to care for their parents since they believe in that tradition. :D

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These bold opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full weight of her struggle?

This teen’s stand against her grandparents’ bias and her parents’ demands is a spark of defiance against outdated norms. Her story challenges us to rethink family duty when it’s built on unfairness. How would you handle pressure to uphold traditions that hurt you? Drop your thoughts below and let’s ignite a conversation about breaking free from toxic expectations!

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