AITA for refusing to spend Mother’s Day with my ex and his wife celebrating her so our kids will?

Mother’s Day brunch should be all flowers and warm hugs, but for one mom, it’s a battleground. When her ex-husband suggests she spend the day celebrating his new wife alongside their teens, she draws a hard line. Her kids, fed up with their stepmom’s overreach, stand by her, but the pushback stirs family drama.

This co-parenting clash crackles with raw emotion, pitting maternal bonds against stepfamily expectations. Who gets to claim Mother’s Day in a divided household?

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‘AITA for refusing to spend Mother’s Day with my ex and his wife celebrating her so our kids will?’

My ex-husband and I share custody of our 17 year old daughter and 15 year old son. We divorced 12 years ago and co-parented with difficulty ever since. My ex is remarried and there were tensions between the three of us for the majority of that time. My ex's wife came in with huge expectations of what she would be to the kids and how involved I would be and none of it was realistic.

* She thought I would agree to giving my ex primary custody and I would be a one weekend a month mom. When that wasn't what happened she expected everything mom related to be split equally between us. So alternating Mother's Day,

taking turns doing the Mother's Day events at school or activities and even changing who was listed as their mom on certain forms. And she really believed that was something I would do and something that would cause zero problems with schools and doctors.

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* She expected the kids to call her mom as soon as her wedding ring was on her finger and she believed I would 'encourage', meaning force, them to call her mom. This was a long standing expectation that never got met. Not one time.

* She expected to have the same legal authority as my ex and I had. And that she would get to make certain decisions for the kids without my ex's or my input. Those being where they went to school, what doctors they saw and what summer camp's they'd go to and for how long. She also expected to decide a religion for them.

* She wanted to change their last name to a hyphenated name with hers and mine and ex's. She fully expected this to happen too. There was more than a year of her throwing a tantrum because I shut the idea down.

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My ex's wife comes from money and is used to having things her own way. So not getting her expectations met made her increasingly bitter toward me. She alienated my kids by being too pushy, controlling and trying to change their lives to fit what she believes they should be.

Case in point she tried to fight to get them into private school and pressured them to ask me. She wanted my daughter to be in cheer and music classes up to 6 times a week and she wanted my son in football and boxing six times a week. My kids weren't interested in those activities and she brought them along multiple times and tried to make them take part. She told them that's what boys and girls did.

She insulted the parents of my son's best friend and then attempted to stop all contact between the two kids. She hated me for refusing to back her up. The kids hated her for all of this. While she was thinking of them as her kids, they were wishing their dad would divorce her and I know they asked at least twice for him to do just that. When his wife learned she blamed me.

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The kids make a point of spending as little time as possible with her. They do not appreciate her and that bothers my ex and his wife. He and I have discussed it but he told me they should and that I was bitter for not making them appreciate her. He said she made their lives better no matter what the kids think or say.

My ex and his wife did not have a child together until last year and this coming Mother's Day is her first one as a mom. The day has always been a sore topic for her because the kids are with me and she have anyone but my ex treating her like a mom.

Now she officially is one and she believed that would mean my kids would be there for Mother's Day going forward but they set the record straight, as did I when asked about it. Now my ex has come up with this insane idea that I should spend the day celebrating his wife and join in their Mother's Day celebrations.

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He said she's worth celebrating, it's her first time having her own child on Mother's Day and our kids should be there but won't if I'm not. I shut his idea down hard and told him I would not spend the day with his wife. He tried to turn it into a fight but I walked away from him and have not answered his calls since.

He has sent a few texts telling me I need to reconsider. But I ignored those as well and then he sent his sister after me. She told me it was so petty of me to not even consider meeting in the middle somewhere and then she stated I was rude about everything.

She said I was the reason the kids didn't like their stepmother and with a half sibling now I needed to figure it out. I walked away from her as well but more texts from my ex followed. The only thing giving me pause is the fact my ex's family doesn't like the new wife. So the fact ex's sister said what she did is making me question a tiny bit if I'm TA.

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Mother’s Day is sacred for many, but blending families can turn it into a battleground. The mom’s refusal to celebrate her ex’s wife, who’s pushed for “mom” status with unrealistic demands, is a stand for her role and her kids’ feelings. The wife’s attempts to control schooling, activities, and even names alienated the teens, who now avoid her.

Family therapist Dr. Patricia Papernow notes, “Stepparents must earn trust, not demand it.” The wife’s overreach—ignoring the kids’ wishes—backfired, as 70% of stepchildren resist forced parental roles, per family studies. The ex’s push for a shared celebration dismisses the mom’s rightful place.

This reflects broader stepfamily tensions. Dr. Papernow advises, “Respect existing bonds.” The mom should maintain her boundaries, support her kids’ choices, and ignore external pressure

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit pounced on this family feud like kids on a piñata. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

Global-Fact7752 − Hey hi...F**K HER..AND WHO GIVES A S**T ABOUT HER EXPECTATIONS! Also, how is this in anyway your job?

Coffee4Redhead − No advice, just wanted to say NTA. And thank goodness the kids are almost grown. Could you go to court next year once the youngest is 16, so they don’t have to go visit them anymore?

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Creepy-Stable-6192 − NTA. She is insane and I suggest you take all of this evidence to a lawyer and change the custody agreement. She needs to be a one weekend a month step mother.

ImAlsoNotOlivia − So, your ex won't be at all surprised when his kids go completely NC with him once they turn 18, right? Good lord, what are those two smoking anyway? They sound like total nutcases.

kindaright-ish − Tell her step parents' day is 16th September, and she *might* be celebrated by your kids then if she stays in her lane. Why should you give up your Mother's Day with your kids because she feels she needs extra attention?

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It's not your job or your kids' job to shower her with affection. It's her husbands on behalf of their child. I'm going on a limb here, but maybe exs family are pressuring you cos they are sick of hearing them complain. Your not bitter, your just not willing to take a back seat in your kids lives and that doesn't make you an AH.. NTA

DataZealous7633 − NTA. You’re not obligated to celebrate your ex’s wife on Mother’s Day. She’s not your kids’ mom, and forcing them to act like she is won’t change that. Your boundaries are valid, and your ex’s pressure is manipulative.

lun4d0r4 − 'no probs ex hubby, you'll now be sharing father's day with whomever is in my life at the time'.... I guarantee you he won't appreciate that sentiment when it also applies to him.

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Mapilean − NTA.. That woman is unhinged and delulu, and so is your ex, who's going along with her. *She* made your kids dislike her, precisely by being too pushy. Even if you had encouraged the kids and been basically the doormat she expected, they would have rejected her *because she did not respect their feelings*.

Now she is blaming you for the outcome of her behavior, your ex is following through and, not being able to get his point through, has sent you his flying monkey. Your kids are old enough to make their own decisions. She has a kid now, and can be celebrated as a mom.

Did she ever celebrate you as a mom in the past? I bet no. So, expecting you to do so for her is really wild. She's essentially a spoiled, entitled brat who doesn't take accountability of her own actions, and is reaping the crop she sowed.. Stand your ground and back your kids in their free decisions.. Big hugs and happy, hassle-free Mother Day!

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HisMisus − Are they on drugs in cause what the actual heck? NTA OP

tragidy2208 − NTA. Wife sounds clinically insane. Not long till the kids are old enough and you’ll never have to be in contact again 🤣 keep doing what you’re doing, ignore the outside noise. You’re not here to make another person happy on mother’s day that’s not your job (apart from your own mother) I’d have blocked all their numbers by now

These spicy opinions hit hard, but do they miss the mark? Is the wife “delulu” or just misguided?

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This Mother’s Day drama lays bare the messy lines of blended families. The mom’s refusal to yield her day to her ex’s wife sparks a debate about loyalty, boundaries, and parenting roles. What would you do if an ex pushed you to share your special day? Share your stories in the comments—let’s unravel this family knot!

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