AITA for refusing to skip my time with my son because of my in-laws?

A father’s love for his newly discovered 6-year-old son faces a test when his in-laws’ visit collides with his custody week. With only four bedrooms—one now his son’s—he assumes his wife understands the boy’s room is off-limits. But her shock at his refusal to skip the week, expecting her parents to take the room, ignites a firestorm.

The in-laws, relegated to a hotel, cut their two-week stay short, and his wife accuses him of humiliation. As tensions simmer in their blended family, he wonders if standing firm for his son was wrong. This tale of loyalty, assumptions, and family ties pulls readers into a heated clash, where a child’s home battles guest expectations.

‘AITA for refusing to skip my time with my son because of my in-laws?’

I don’t really know how to even start this. Well, I (32M) have three kids (6F, 4F, 7M) but only my daughters are shared with my wife, I married my wife six years ago, before her, I had a friend with benefits I met in college but she had to move out the city and I didn’t hear anything about her.

A year ago, she contacted me out of the blue to let me know I was her six years old son’s father which pissed me off, we did all the tests to make sure he was my son and yeah, He is a 100%, she made clear that she contacted me because she was struggling financially and needed my help not because she wanted to destroy my life, my wife wasn’t happy about this but as it happened before I met her, she couldn’t complain.

I’m no one to deny a child the right to spend time with his dad (since I know how much it hurts) so I asked his mom to let me spend the weekends with him, he is great and we learnt to love each other so we changed it to 50/50 custody for her to settle down and because I love spending time with by boy.

Our house has 4 bedrooms, 1 for me and my wife, 2 for our daughters, 1 for guests (it was until my son came into the equation) once my son appeared I renovated the room to give it to him, even though he only spent weekends with us (for the first 3 months after I found out) he had a room of his own in our house so he feels welcomed and now that he spends a week with us he personalised it and really feels like owns it (he does).

My daughters love him and he loves them back, my wife is indifferent but I’m not asking her to be my son’s mom, he already has one. This past week was my time to have my son (my wife knew it) but my in-laws were going to visit us, we only have 4 rooms so we had two options:. · They sleep on the couch. · They go to a hotel

My wife didn’t say anything and I assumed she knew what the situation was since my son was staying with us that week too, and even if he wasn’t this is his room now and no one goes in when he isn’t around.

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So, I think my wife assumed I would skip my week since in-laws were coming and they used to stay in that room, her surprise was when I picked up my son and took him home, she was kind of pissed of and said: You know my parents are coming, right? “I know, what’s the issue” I replied, “where are they supposed to stay?” said my wife, “In a hotel”.

She went mad and started telling me to take my son back and skip this week but I said no, this is also my son’s house and has more rights to be here than in-laws, so in-laws had to stay in a hotel but didn’t last that long they left 3 days later (supposed to stay 2 weeks) now my wife says I humiliated them,

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but and calls me TA for not skipping my week but if I skipped I had to wait two weeks to have him around and my son loves spending time with me and I love spending time with him and my daughters.. So AITA for the way I treated my in-laws and not skipping my week?

Blended families thrive on clear communication, and this conflict exposes its absence. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , “Unaddressed assumptions in marriages can erode trust.” The father’s decision to prioritize his son’s custody week was rooted in his commitment to a child he’s only recently bonded with, but his failure to discuss logistics with his wife fueled her resentment.

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The wife’s expectation that the son’s room would be available suggests unresolved feelings about his integration. Studies show 60% of stepparents struggle with unexpected children from prior relationships (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2024, Blended Families). Her push to skip the custody week, without exploring alternatives like doubling up the daughters’ rooms, prioritized her parents over the son’s sense of belonging.

Gottman advises proactive dialogue to mend such rifts. The couple could benefit from couples counseling to address the wife’s indifference and align on family priorities. The father should initiate a calm discussion, acknowledging her feelings while reinforcing his son’s place in their home.

For readers, preempting family conflicts requires upfront planning. If guest visits clash with custody, brainstorm solutions early—temporary room swaps or air mattresses—to balance everyone’s needs without sidelining children.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit posse came out swinging, dishing support with a hefty dose of critique. From praising the father’s loyalty to slamming the wife’s assumptions, the comments were a lively mix of cheers and jeers. Here’s the raw scoop:

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JudgeJudAITA − NTA - Guests should be made to feel welcome, but kids NEED to feel they have a home.

PieAlternative2567 − NTA. But your wife clearly is the AH. This is why you should never assume. There were so many other options other than having them stay in a hotel that wouldn’t have required you to send your son home.

You guys could have had the daughters double up bedrooms for 2 weeks and the grandparents stay in the 2 daughter’s bedroom. You could have invested in an air mattress and either you and your wife or your in-laws sleep in the living room for a time while the other couple takes the master bedroom.

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Or they could have just gotten a hotel for the week your son was home and then stay in his room once he went back to his mom’s house the next week. The fact that there was no further brainstorming and her default was “take your son back” just goes to show how she really feels about the situation with your son.

I would be really wary after this. This incident may very well be the catalyst that starts your wife building up resentment against your son and treating him with some hostility as you’ve now demonstrated that you prioritize your child over her family.

Kudos to you for building up a relationship with this little boy and holding him close to your heart. Not all men do that when hit with such news that they’re suddenly a father to a child they never knew about. Your son is lucky to have you.

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pandalover001 − NTA- your wife is the a**hole here. She should have at least discussed it with you. You did the right thing, as you’re aware, your son is not something to be dropped when it’s not convenient for her.

facinationstreet − Why couldn't they stay in the girls room? Let the girls move out and sleep in the den (or wherever) if this is so important. NTA at all but your wife obviously has a LOT of resentment around your son. This will be what kills your relationship unless you get ahead of it now. Couples counseling.

Ok_Job_9417 − ESH - no one communicated, that’s the issue. You shouldn’t have to give up your time but neither one of you brought up the sleeping arrangements and both just assumed.. She’s a bigger a**hole for insisting that you skip a week though.

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Classic_Special7045 − NTA. Your wife really thought, with no prior discussion, that your son wasn't going to be welcome for his regular visit so her parents could have his room? I get that this is a unique family situation, but that's f**ked.

VxGB111 − ESH. Y'all need to talk about stuff. I bet your in-laws left because they weren't expecting to drop a couple of grand on a hotel when they thought they'd have a place to stay, for that, yeah you suck. But for expecting you to send your son packing, your wife is definitely an AH.

That being said, it really doesn't sound like you give a damn what your wife thinks about having someone else's kid dropped on her like that. You act like her feelings 100% don't matter, when they should. No, you shouldn't ostracize your kid, but treating your wife with some grace just might be the decent human being thing to do.

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tractorchick − ESH, why wouldn't you guys communicate before hand??? I feel bad for the inlaws who, I'm assuming, were oblivious until they got there and got kicked to hotel that they were expected to pay for for TWO WEEKS. I would have left too. Like wtf dude? Why didn't you and your wife discuss this week's in advance??

dcm510 − ESH mostly because the communication from both of you is *atrocious.* You both 100% knew there would be a conflict. There’s no question about that. You both *chose* to not discuss it with the other, because you both *assumed* the other one would change their plans to accommodate. It doesn’t matter what the solution “should” have been. You both suck for not talking about it in the first place.

AllShallBeWell − ESH. You are clearly living a fantasy world when you say that your wife is 'indifferent'. There are a number of responses to finding out that the guy you married six years ago has a six-year-old son. 'Indifferent' is not on any list that doesn't also include 'already checked out of the marriage and getting prepared for the divorce'.

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OP has chosen not to add any details about the relationship, but c'mon... those numbers (6-year-old with one woman, 6-year-old with another woman who he has a 6-year-old marriage with and she has a 7-year-old child with a different guy) imply a somewhat complicated backstory.

Complicated doesn't necessarily mean people are AHs, but it *does* increase the need for communication, and there's zero of that here. I'd normally be on-board with everyone calling the wife an AH, but... is she? 'I’m not asking her to be my son’s mom, he already has one.'

Well, message clearly heard and received, I guess. If OP is making it clear that he and the ex are the son's co-parents, and his wife isn't anything in the equation, I feel like I'm not going to blame her that much for going along with that framing.

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She's the slightest of AHs here for just not communicating, but OP seems much more of a flaming AH for just assuming that everything will somehow magically work out: The wife's parents are adults, and if they're collateral damage, they can live with it; I'd hold OP to a higher standard in protecting a 6-year-old.

Redditors backed the father’s stand for his son but called out both spouses for poor communication. Some suggested creative sleeping arrangements; others warned of brewing resentment. But do these hot takes solve the mess, or just stir the pot?

This blended family drama shows how unspoken expectations can turn a visit into a battleground. The father’s fierce commitment to his son clashed with his wife’s plans, leaving in-laws in a hotel and trust in tatters. His story challenges us to navigate family priorities with open hearts and clear words. What would you do if a child’s needs collided with family guests? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s unpack this one!

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