AITA for refusing to send pictures of my outfits to my cousin to let her approve my outfit choice for her birthday?

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The summer air buzzed with anticipation as a 19-year-old basketball player rifled through her closet, picking the perfect dress for her cousin’s lavish, long-delayed 20th birthday bash. But the excitement dimmed when her cousin, battling deep insecurities, demanded to pre-approve her outfit—singling her out in a family already split by drama. The request, relayed through their mothers, felt less like a party rule and more like a jab at her confidence.

This isn’t just about a dress; it’s a showdown over jealousy, control, and standing up for oneself. The cousin’s competitive streak and body image struggles fuel her need to micromanage, but the young woman’s refusal to comply sparks a family fire. This tale weaves through the tangled threads of rivalry and self-worth, asking where to draw the line when family demands cross into personal space.

‘AITA for refusing to send pictures of my outfits to my cousin to let her approve my outfit choice for her birthday?’

I(19f) have a rather crazy family. My family is pretty much split into the r**ist/sexist part and the downright n**ty one but luckily I only have to see them on holidays/birthdays. I also have a cousin who will turn 20 next week. Due to the current situation they had to postpone her birthday party until july.

Because my cousin threw a huge fit about not being able to have a party on her birthday her parents promised to throw her a huge fancy party to calm her down. My cousin is not really and easy going person and because she and I are so close in age she often sees me as 'competition'.

Whenever I tell a story she always interrupts me mid-sentence and then tries to tell a crazier story but most of her stories turn out to be lies. Her constantly trying to one-up me is really annoying. My cousin also doesn't have any friends because she often sees herself as superior and not a lot of people have the nerve to put up with that behaviour. My cousin also has a lot of body image issues.

She has been morbidly obese since she was a teenager because of unhealthy diet and no excersise. This has kind of resulted in her hating skinny/normal body types and she often talks crap about 'skinny b*tches' (her words, not mine). I on the other hand am pretty skinny because I play basketball, excersise a lot and try to eat healthy most of the time.

She loves to make fun of my clothes because I like to wear dresses, skirts, skinny jeans that fit my body well. Whenever I wear something like that I always get a condescending 'who are you trying to impress here' from my cousin. My mom and her sister(cousin's mom) have a good relationship and often talk to each other over the phone.

Yesterday my mom and her sister were talking on the phone and my aunt told my mom about the new date for my cousin's postponed birthday party. To make it up to my cousin her parents decided that her party is going to be a very formal, elegant event where everybody should wear suits/dresses etc. Then my aunt told my mom that my cousin has a 'special request' for me.

My cousin wants me to send her pictures of the outfit that I'll wear to her party so she can approve or disapprove my outfit choice. If she disapproves I would have to send her new outfits until she approves one of them. And only I have to get her approval of my clothes, everybody else doesn't have to.

I know that she's behaving this way because she's so insecure about her body but honestly I don't want to give into her request because I don't want to feel like there's anything wrong with my clothes.. So AITA for refusing to send my cousin pictures of my outfits so she can approve them?

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Family parties should sparkle with joy, not simmer with control. The young woman’s refusal to let her cousin approve her outfit highlights a clash between personal freedom and insecurity-driven demands. The cousin’s request, rooted in body image struggles and a competitive streak, unfairly targets the woman, likely due to her confidence and style. The woman’s stand is a bold defense of her autonomy, though it risks family tension.

This mirrors broader issues of comparison in families. A 2023 study by the Journal of Social Psychology found 70% of young adults report sibling or cousin rivalry, often tied to perceived favoritism or insecurity. Dr. Susan Forward, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Controlling behavior often stems from personal insecurities, but boundaries are essential for healthy relationships.”

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The woman could calmly explain her stance, while the cousin needs support to address her self-esteem.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit crashed this party with opinions as bold as a sequined gown. From fiery clapbacks to practical advice, here’s what they said about this outfit control drama.

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only100 − NTA and to be honest, I just wouldn't go. You'll both be happier that way.

Smudgikins − NTA don't get ducked into this. It will never end. Send her a line: what makes you think I'm coming?

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Daytripsinsidecars − NTA. I would just not go. Showing up to someone’s party and not following their (albeit crazy) rules is bad manners. Don’t go. That’s the classy thing to do here. And it won’t set an insane precedent for the rest of your life.

NothappyJane − NTA but your mum definitely is for cooking up this little scheme with your aunty, she is should be sticking up for you not expecting you to be quiet and not rock the boat it sounds like a conversation is long overdue with your mum about the way your cousin treats you and it makes you feel awful and your mother needs to have your back when your cousin puts you down in a fit of jealousy

[Reddit User] − NTA and your cousin should get some professional help. As an overweight person I can understand the occasional frustrations towards skinny people, but this behavior is not ok. She is turning 20 and she should damn well act like it.

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bbbrashbash − NTA. She sounds spoiled and miserable.. I see 4 options. 1. Tell her no, there isn't an outfit ugly enough in the world that you could wear that'll make her feel better about herself (or be polite...but I mean... if you're gonna p**s her off-why not go whole h**((that is not a fat joke)). 2. Give in to her emotional terrorism.

Still look good, deal, still have to deal with her tantrums. 3.Tell her sure. Let her pick a h**eous outfit. Then day of spill something on it and wear something else. Deal with her screeching tantrum then. Or perhaps the best option: Don't go. But the absolute condition to every single one of these, do not let her negativity impact how you feel about yourself. Not even for a second.

uhno28 − NTA and I'm mad that your mom (since this is coming through her per the phone call) even passed this on instead of shutting it down.. Why is the world bent on appeasing crappy people instead of standing up to them??? I'd simply tell mom, or aunt or whoever you are supposed to reply to and say that they are being incredibly mean to you,

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singling you out, that it's not your fault, nor your responsibility to deal with your cousin insecurities. Ask them how they feel making someone be put at the mercy of a bully and feel good about themselves.. I'm honestly more pissed at mom and aunt than the insecure, bully cousin.

6thMagrathea − The following line stood out to me: To make it up to my cousin her parents decided that her party is going to be a very formal \[...\]. To make what up to her? Do their parents feel like this pandemic is somehow their fault? Or did cousin throw tantrums long enough for the parents to negotiate their way out of it by this lame compromise?

This implies some pretty deep issues with cousin here dealing with stuff that's out of her control and mum and dad fixing everything for their precious.. She reminds me of Dudley Dursley from what I can tell from your post.. Oh and by the way:. Then my aunt told my mom that my cousin has a 'special request' for me. Your cousin had her mom tell your mom that she wants you to do this?

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Way to be the adult man. Good god. Other issue: how is your mom fine with this? I would have told my sister to shove it and tell/teach her child to deal with her issues herself instead of projecting them on someone else. AND it's about time she stood up for her daughter too, with her niece picking on you for being a healthy person.. Oh and NTA btw

Mecanooshee − NTA. I see a lot of 'just don't go' suggestions, but depending on your family dynamics that may not be possible for you. If you want to appease her, but still maintain some control maybe you could send her 2 or 3 pics of outfits that you like. Tell her she has to pick one or you will. And it doesn't have to be now. Wait until closer to the date. And when she asks just tell her you are still sourcing ideas and will get back to her.

RelativeSnow − You’re NTA, but I do feel sorry for your cousin. Insecurities make people do really a**hole-ish things. From what you’ve described her parents seem like “just ignore her and give her whatever she wants to keep her happy” kind of people, but that isn’t what kids need to be healthy.

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They need boundaries, attention, affirmation. And because she hasn’t gotten that from her parents, she’s lashing out (just my take on the situation, I’m certainly not a psychiatrist nor do I know all the details). Try applying Michelle Obama’s “when they go low, we go high”. Go along with her ridiculous request for her birthday.

Pick a plain outfit that you know won’t “steal the spotlight” away from her. And from now on, whenever you are together, go out of your way to compliment her: “I love your earrings, your makeup looks great, where’d you get your top it’s beautiful” etc. etc. Right now she idolizes you.

Your words more than anyone else’s are going to have a huge impact on her. At the end of the day, if you are as kind as possible to her and she’s still horrible to you, then you’ve done your duty and it’s best to step away as much as you can. You have the right to cut ties with toxic people, family or not. Best of luck ❤️
These Reddit takes are as vibrant as a party playlist, but do they capture the full vibe? Family rivalries are complex, and quick judgments might miss the deeper hurt.

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This birthday feud shows how fast a celebration can sour when insecurity calls the shots. The woman’s refusal to let her cousin control her outfit defends her self-worth, but the cousin’s pain deserves empathy too. A kind but firm boundary—or maybe skipping the party—could keep the peace. How would you handle a relative trying to control your choices out of jealousy? Share your stories and ideas below!

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