AITA for refusing to see my dad even though he is really sick?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The sting of betrayal lingered like a shadow as a college student scrolled through their brother’s boastful social media post, revealing a painful truth: their parents had funded his pricey private school while leaving them to scrape by for college. The wound of favoritism cut deep, driving them to sever ties with their family. Now, with their father battling cancer, the family’s pleas for a visit clash with the student’s raw hurt, turning a personal stand into a heart-wrenching family rift.

This story of broken trust and emotional boundaries captures the ache of feeling undervalued in your own family. Caught between their father’s illness and the scars of parental neglect, the student’s refusal to return home raises a question: can you prioritize your mental health when family begs for reconciliation?

‘AITA for refusing to see my dad even though he is really sick?’

I am two years older than my brother. When I was about to go to college, They said they didn't have the money and it massively f**ked up my plans because they have a high income so I can't get aid and scholarships. I moved out, I started working because I want to save up before going to college.

I started college the same year as my brother did. I always assumed my brother was loading up on debt by going to a really expensive private school. I saw a story he posted bragging about having his schooling paid by our parents.

I texted him and he said he was just bragging online but I asked mom and she is not a good liar and she fessed up that they were paying for it. It still makes me really f**king angry. I have better grades, I have a better application but all of that doesn't matter. nothing I ever do f**king matters.

I have not visited home since that day. I worked so f**king hard for my grades. I just don't understand why they don't care? I did all the right things and they still care more about my brother. My dad is sick. He has cancer. It is pretty bad

My mom is begging me to come back and see him. He is upset too. My brother called me and yelled at me for being a horrible daughter who is a greedy B. I am a worried sick for him but I can't put myself through visiting him. I am just barely holding on emotionally but I know they need my support but I am being a huge a**hole by not doing it.

This family fallout is a gut-punch of favoritism and unresolved pain. The student’s discovery that their parents funded their brother’s education while leaving them to fend for themselves is a profound betrayal, fueling their no-contact stance. Their father’s cancer diagnosis adds emotional weight, but their refusal to visit reflects a need to protect their mental health amid deep hurt.

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Parental favoritism can leave lasting scars. A 2019 study from the American Psychological Association shows that 74% of children perceiving parental favoritism report lower self-esteem and trust issues into adulthood. The parents’ failure to support the student’s education, despite their high income, likely felt like rejection. Dr. Ellen Weber Libby, a family therapist, writes in a Psychology Today article, “Favoritism creates a hierarchy that breeds resentment and distance.”

The student’s boundary is valid, but visiting could offer closure if they feel ready. They should communicate their hurt to their parents, seeking an apology and equal treatment. Therapy could help process their emotions and navigate family expectations.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew brought their A-game, serving up fiery support with a side of righteous anger. From slamming the parents’ favoritism to warning of potential manipulation, the comments were a raw mix of empathy and outrage. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

theonikami − NTA. Your parents treated you as if you were lesser than your brother. You have no obligation to see your dad.

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soulpeace2 − NTA don’t wanna say it but maybe sexism.

doublestitch − NTA - What your father is experiencing is the consequence of his own lies and favoritism.. That family is toxic and your brother is downright abusive. *Greedy?* That's first rate psychological projection there.. Do what's best for your mental health.

You might want to check out the sub r/estrangedadultchild. And regarding the Redditors who think you'll be racked with regret later, the red flags are all over this. OP will likely be subjected to more verbal and emotional abuse if she goes..

*edit* Another thought: these relatives may be trying to hit up OP for free labor. Nothing in the description says he's on his deathbed. If the doctors decided he had six months to live then he would qualify for hospice assistance. Right now he's just *pretty sick*.

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Which can mean they want help with bedpans, bathing, rides to medical appointments. And they don't want to pay a professional. Maybe because daughters don't 'deserve' an education but it's a daughter's 'duty' to pitch in when the parents' health fails: those two ourdated beliefs often go together.

TipTopC − NTA but I worry from how you framed the end of this post that you will come to regret this later if you lose your father and do not see him beforehand. Please consider carefully what you need, here. They have let you down terribly with their favoritism. That is extremely cruel and, I have to assume, rank misogyny.

But we still sometimes love those who wrong us - and so I would suggest you think carefully about whether you want to let their bad behavior rob you of any chance at time with your father. Don't listen to their raging. Ignore any attempts at pressure. But think about what YOU need, here - and then act accordingly. My sympathies, OP, this is a hard hand to be dealt.

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emilianajuana − I’m so sorry for how it sounds like this has all played out. It’s totally unfair for your parents to pay for your younger brother’s education with no support for yours. If you are ok with low/no contact with your family, you should stick to it.

Realistically, it doesn’t matter what your brother, mother, or father say about you not visiting your sick father, it’s really up to you whether you want to see him or not. If you are ok not seeing him before he passes, then don’t. You should focus on what will make you feel good about yourself at the end of the day.. NTA

Trying-to-do_Better − NTA. It's hard letting go of that feeling like you owe them. You do what's right for yourself.. I would be very upset too!

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Lumoseyne − NTA. What did they think would happen when you found out they were funding your brother but not you. Your dad is only asking for you back because he’s facing mortality and wants absolution before he goes. If he weren’t in danger, do you think they would still be reaching out?

You know they wouldn’t be, they would be perfectly fine with having you at arms length. You lost a year of your life having to work to save money and starting school the same year as your brother. And he’s attending an expensive private school and bragging online.

That’s extra callous on your parents and brother’s part. You’re working yourself to the bone for survival and an education, and they are ok with just throwing money at your brother? They’ve made their stance clear on how important you are to them, and where your place in the family is.

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They think you deserve to see your brother supported while you aren’t, they think you deserve to be told last minute you need to come up with 100% of college money out of pocket. They fully knew their high income would preclude you from a lot of aid based on financial need, and they were fine with it, arguably they deliberately tried to sabotage you.

They basically said they don’t think you are equal to your brother, which is incredibly hurtful and feels like they abandoned you. So of course you haven’t been back since then, and of course you still don’t want to see them. While your dad’s condition may make you feel regret, the other stuff hasn’t changed, so of course you don’t want to go.

I’d say that if you and they really want you to see your dad, tell them you all need to resolve your differences. Which means they need to apologize for what they did with the college money, apologize for any hurtful thing they did related to it (like bragging online),

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and give you some money as reparations and an equalizing action. If you go see them without their amends made to you, they get what they want, and you’ll leave still unhappy about the past.

If they really think of you as family and if your dad really wants your forgiveness and to see you before he dies, he should be willing to treat you like a son, an equal to his other son. You did nothing wrong except be designated the s**pegoat and not the favorite child.

Fallenangel1025 − You're not the AH. They didn't care about you 2 yrs ago, they aren't entitled to your support now. Have any of them ever acknowledged that what they did was really f*ucked up and tried apologizing. You can't forgive someone who hasn't actually asked for it.

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And, paying for private school! That just makes things so much worse! Whenever you start feeling guilty, just remember they could have sent your brother to a state school and paid for both of you.

They also had to be saving for awhile, knowing the whole time they were going to s**ew you over and not even giving you a heads up so you'd have a chance to prepare, to start working earlier and apply for scholarships before having to miss an entire yr.

These Redditors rallied behind the student, roasting the family’s double standards while urging self-care. But do their fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This tale of a student’s stand against parental favoritism reveals the deep wounds of unequal love. The parents’ choice to fund one child while neglecting another drove a wedge that even a father’s illness struggles to bridge. It’s a reminder that family ties don’t erase betrayal—they complicate it. How would you navigate a family that prioritizes one sibling over another? Share your stories and insights below!

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