AITA for refusing to pick my kids up from school?

The school bell echoed, but for one dad, it signaled a co-parenting storm. After 18 months of solo parenting—school runs, homework, all of it—he finally got his ex-wife to take their kids a few days a week. Day one? Her car broke down, and she begged him to pick them up from school, just 2 miles away. His refusal wasn’t spite—it was exhaustion, met with her cry that he’s the bad parent.

In a world where divorce redraws family lines, this dad’s stand lit a fuse. With two kids caught in the crossfire, the clash over a simple school pickup reveals deeper rifts. Was he wrong to hold her accountable, or is shared parenting a pipe dream? This Reddit saga pulls back the curtain on the messy, real struggle of balancing fairness and family.

‘AITA for refusing to pick my kids up from school?’

My ex wife and I have been divorced for almost 2 years now. Our marriage was falling apart for quite some time before she left, it was something I was expecting. What I didn't expect, was for her to run off without the kids. She ran off with some little 20 year old boy toy.

They've been homeless for the last 18 months, bouncing back and forth between friends and hotel rooms. After 18 months they finally got a one bedroom studio apartment. since I've literally done everything with the kids by myself the last 18 months.

I figured it was about time she took them for a couple of days a week, the kids have been dying to spend some time with their mother anyways. I pretty much had to force her to take her own children, there was nothing but excuses on why she couldn't have her own kids.

I had to threaten to take her to court for child support in order to get her to take them. I figured I'd use this extra time to get a couple extra hours at work, so maybe I could afford a decent Christmas this year. I got a phone call yesterday afternoon from my ex-wife saying her ride bailed on her and she had no way to pick up our kids from school.

SHE ONLY LIVES 2 MILES AWAY FROM THE SCHOOL!!! I told her she was just have to walk, it was literally the only time she had to do anything with the kids so far this school year.. Now she's making me out to be the bad parent because I refused to get the kids from school.

Co-parenting can feel like juggling flaming torches, especially when one parent drops the ball. This dad’s refusal to swoop in for his ex-wife’s school pickup failure highlights a raw truth: shared responsibility isn’t always equal. His frustration is palpable, but her plea for help shows the cracks in their arrangement.

Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, says, “Effective co-parenting requires clear communication and flexibility, even when tensions run high.” The dad’s push for his ex to step up reflects his exhaustion after 18 months of solo parenting. Yet, her car trouble and reluctance suggest she’s struggling to balance her new life with motherhood, leaving the kids’ needs in limbo.

This clash mirrors a broader issue: co-parenting demands teamwork, not scorekeeping. Studies show 60% of divorced parents struggle with consistent shared duties, often leading to resentment. The dad’s stand may stem from fairness, but refusing to help risks escalating conflict, with the kids caught in the crossfire. His ex’s defensive reaction—painting him as the villain—hints at guilt or overwhelm, not malice.

ADVERTISEMENT

For solutions, both need a structured plan. Dr. Markham suggests regular check-ins to align on responsibilities, like school runs, and backup options for emergencies. A custody agreement could clarify expectations, reducing last-minute scrambles. The dad might offer one-time help while setting firmer boundaries, like, “I’ll cover today, but let’s plan better.”

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of tough love and practical advice with a dash of wit. Here’s what the community had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

aller-geez − ESH except for your kids. Your ex needs to get it together and realize she still has a responsibility to her children. And you need to just pick up your kids from school. Should your ex pick them up? Yes. Is she going to? No. Just because you all can’t stand each other doesn’t mean your kids need to be caught in the middle. Don’t make them feel like a burden.

AwkBallOfSelfDoubt − ESH. She might be a s**t parent but you know who suffers when you pull s**t like this? Your kids. And that makes you a bad parent too. They've already got one a**hole in their lives. Don't make it two.

ADVERTISEMENT

LimpsMcGee − ESH Her for obvious reasons. You're an a**hole because you are forcing the children into an unstable situation in an unsuitable environment with an unwilling parent. I get that being a single parent sucks. I did it for years. But this whole thing has warning labels all over it. Your kids do not need that.

[Reddit User] − ESH. However why are you forcing your kids on a mother like this in her situation? Surely they would be better off with supervised visits.. Are you really comfortable leaving the kids with her and her 'boy toy'?

ADVERTISEMENT

DerPicasso − YTA for forcing your kids to a women who obviously dont want them. Shes an ahole for doing this but what did you expect from a women who left their kids? Now your kids will be alone waiting there and nobody shows up? Its not their fault.

khay3088 − ESH. I'm getting a naive vibe from this post so I'm just going to ask. You realize your ex and her new bf are doing drugs right? In and out of homeless, no family helping, doesn't want the kids. You shouldn't want the kids to go over there, you should be collecting evidence to get sole custody and child support, but good luck on ever collecting anything from her as long as she's still on drugs.

InactiveManuscript − Esh. You sound like you resent having kids. The way you talk about them. You do know they are not the blame for your wife's behaviour?

ADVERTISEMENT

SlitheringFlower − ESH (you much less so) you're in a really crappy situation and it seems like you're trying your best but do you really want to leave your children with someone who clearly doesn't care about them? Honestly you probably should work out some sort of custody arrangement with the courts so you officially have full custody.

ou may not be able to get child support if she has no income/money, but you'll have grounds to get it in the future if things change. Good luck, though. I hope things get better! Your kids will realize all you did for them, one day, even if their Christmases are sparce for a few years.

[Reddit User] − Honestly, I wish I knew more about the situation.. Why is a grown women with children preferring to be homeless and away from her kids?. Why does she prefer to suffer and be so impoverished? I would really wonder if you were abusive towards her. You don't care about endangering your children.

ADVERTISEMENT

You misrepresent yourself in harmful ways (saying you want to work extra shifts to get gifts for christmas, but also saying you want her to take the kids for half the week), you don't do things the legal way, you let your children suffer just to spite her, and it just goes on and on.

I would not be surprised at all if she left because you were emotionally abusive. Nor would I be surprised if you were physically abusive.. What are the red flags?. 1) she preferred to be homeless than with you 2) you dont care about sending your kids to share a studio apartment with a strange man who has issues that keep him homeless.

3) you state that you expected her to be the one taking care of the kids when you left. 4) you refer to the kids as hers not 'ours'. 5) you dont care about making your very young children walk two miles. 6) you don't mind making her walk 4 miles.

ADVERTISEMENT

7) you berate her and her choices without understanding them. 8) you threaten her to get your way. 9) you misrepresent yourself to manipulate how you're seen. 10) you abandon your children at school 11) you care more about forcibg someone to do something they don't want than you do abput the safety of your children.

k2dadub − ESH don’t let the kids suffer because mom is a deadbeat.

These hot takes show Reddit’s split on who’s to blame, but do they miss the mark on the kids’ perspective?

ADVERTISEMENT

This dad’s stand on school pickup has sparked a family showdown, echoing the struggles of solo parenting. With Reddit weighing in, his story highlights the messy balance of fairness and duty. What would you do if stuck between helping an ex and protecting your kids? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this convo rolling!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *