AITA For refusing to pay my MIL for babysitting our toddler?

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A multi‑day getaway should be a chance for reconnecting as a couple—free from diaper changes, bedtime routines, and the relentless pace of early parenthood. But when your chosen babysitter springs a surprise fee just days before departure, that dream of relaxation can quickly sour.

For this husband and wife, the sitter in question wasn’t a hired stranger but Mom herself. Having initially agreed to look after their almost‑four‑year‑old grandson, she shockingly tacks on a $100‑per‑day charge—leaving her son‑in‑law feeling blindsided, betrayed, and forced into an awkward family standoff.

‘AITA For refusing to pay my MIL for babysitting our toddler?’

My wife (39F) is turning 40 in 10 days. To celebrate, we are taking a 5 day vacation, just the 2 of us. It's the first time that she and I (38M) have been away like this as a couple since the birth of our son almost 4 years ago. We planned this trip months ago and my wife asked her mom if she would be willing to come to our house and watch our son while we are away. MIL agreed right away.

MIL is in her early 60s but doesn't have a

During the conversation, MIL said that she will need $100 per day from us. This is the first time she ever brought up wanting to get paid to watch our son. My wife was caught off guard and just kind of agreed to it. But when she got off the phone and told me about it, I got upset. I told her that MIL is taking advantage of the situation because she thinks we have no other options.

I told her that is BS that she sprung this on us so close to our trip and I don't think we should pay her anything. I said that I would call my parents and see if they can watch our son instead. My wife told me that MIL wouldn't ask that sort of thing unless she needs the money and that adding $500 to our vacation trip isn't that much of a big deal.

I told her that it's not about the money to me, it's about MIL being sneaky and manipulative. I called my mom and asked her if they would be able to watch our son instead and she jumped at the idea. Both my parents are recently retired, so they have plenty of free time and would love an extended grandson visit. I didn't explain the reason for the change, I just told them that things didn't work out with MIL.

I told my wife that my parents can watch our son instead and that she should call her mom and tell her that we no longer need her to babysit. She said that she didn't want to do that because MIL was really looking forward to seeing our son, it has been over 6-months. I told her that if she was looking forward to it that much, she wouldn't be trying to swindle us out of $500.

I told her if she didn't want to make the call, I would gladly do it. She reluctantly made the call herself, but it didn't go well. MIL got upset because we are now

After the call, she asked me if there was some way we could figure this out and I told her we aren't changing anything again this close to our trip. She said maybe we could offer MIL a lesser amount but I reiterated that it isn't about the money, it's about MIL being sneaky and trying to take advantage of us.

When family members step in to provide childcare, the arrangement often hinges on goodwill and mutual trust. Experts in family dynamics emphasize that introducing money into these relationships—even modest sums—can shift the emotional balance from generosity to expectation. A last‑minute demand for payment, in particular, risks making parents feel cornered and caregivers feel exploited or unappreciated.

Relationship specialists advise couples to discuss childcare plans with relatives well in advance, clarifying whether the help is truly offered as a gift or as a paid service. This transparency not only prevents hurt feelings but also upholds the dignity of everyone involved. If a caregiver legitimately relies on that income, proposing a small stipend during initial planning shows respect for their time without springing surprises.

Ultimately, healthy family support blends clear boundaries with empathy: setting expectations early, confirming any compensation openly, and finding a middle ground—be it covering groceries, travel costs, or a token of appreciation—that honors both the parents’ budget and the grandparent’s contribution.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—unfiltered and candid.

Lindseyh911 − NTA. If she needed/wanted to be paid, it should have been discussed up front. It's not something you bring up last minute.

Pianoplayerpiano − NTA. Your parents have made a much more attractive offer. You have other options, so no. You are NOT in a position to have to give in.. She wants to be paid to see her grandkid. No deal.. Is MIL is broke and too proud to ask for money?

[Reddit User] − NTA if MIL wanted money she should have told you her fee upfront.

[Reddit User] − Nta its pretty sucked up to expect payment to soend time with your own grand kids to begin with. But even if you fall in that weird camp that you dont owe family anything she still is wrong for agreeing to it and waiting till plans were set then springing a price on you at the last second.

rahbahboston − Well... your parents seem cool, so I can't say ESH, but between you and your MIL you both kind of suck.. YTA for this statement. MIL is in her early 60s but doesn't have a

You can't say she doesn't have a

AshlynM2 − NTA. If she wanted to be paid she should have said that UP FRONT. It’s totally her right to ask, and also you choice to refuse. The fact that she sprung wanting $100/day right before the trips reads to me as her thinking you wouldn’t be able to say no since it’s so close to the trip.. You were able to find other childcare at a more reasonable price, free!!

Professional-Band323 − The people saying Y T A because no one should expect free childcare are missing the point. Many family members are excited for an opportunity to spend time with family and wouldn’t ask for money for that. Many family members WOULDNT want to do free childcare and would require monetary compensation.

Both are 100% fine. It’s also 100% fine for OP to know that he has access to grandparents who would love to spend time with his child for free and utilize that while he goes out of town, instead of paying an unexpected $500 to someone who didn’t immediately say “yes, and here’s my fee” when first asked to babysit.

MIL isn’t in the wrong for not wanting to babysit for free, but she should’ve made that clear from the outset… at which point the offer probably never would have been extended to her and instead made to the other grandparents.

disney_nerd_mom − NTA. You’re right, she was trying to be sneaky and thought she had you in a tough spot. If she needs money then she should have spoken up. Even this late in the game if she had said that she’d lose some of her income by watching grandson and would there be some way to come to an arrangement where you paid her something that would be another thing.

No-Carry4971 − YTA for the way you dictate to your wife. You clearly expect veto power over money and over big decisions. That kind of sucks. I’m a guy, but if my wife wanted to give her mom $500 for doing absolutely nothing, I wouldn’t dream of saying no. And she would say they same about me and my parents.

In this case it was actually compensation for her time providing care for your kids. Is the MIL being a little manipulative with the late request? Maybe or maybe not. Maybe she just needs the money and rather than ask for a handout, she asked for compensation.. Should you stomp all over your wife because her mom made a minor request you disagreed with? Absolutely not.

Dogmother123 − NTA. She thought she could spring a charge on you at the last minute. You have a free option. Why not use it? Tell your MIL she can schedule a visit when you are all at home.

Many voices sided with the OP, praising his quick pivot to his own parents and condemning the late‑breaking fee as manipulative. A few urged empathy, suggesting that if MIL truly needed income, the family could find a more balanced arrangement.

Childcare in the family can be a gift—or it can feel like a commodity sold at the last minute. When have you faced a surprise demand for payment from a loved one, and how did you handle it? What strategies helped maintain both your budget and your family harmony? Share your stories and solutions below!

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