AITA for refusing to pay for my son’s dental surgery?

Imagine a co-parenting tug-of-war where a child’s dental surgery becomes the rope. A divorced dad holds firm to his financial agreement, refusing to chip in for his 8-year-old son’s $3,000 procedure, leaving his ex-wife scrambling for a loan. The surgery happened on time, but the bitter clash over who pays lingers like a stubborn toothache.

This Reddit drama dives into the messy world of divorce agreements and parental duty. The dad’s rigid stance sparks a heated debate: is he right to enforce the deal, or does his son’s well-being demand more flexibility? It’s a story that’ll tug at anyone who’s navigated co-parenting’s choppy waters.

‘AITA for refusing to pay for my son’s dental surgery?’

I'm divorced from my son's mom and she took the easy way out on the financial arrangements. Basically I got stuck paying things that are certain like our sons' private school and extracurricular activities where she's responsible for their health insurance and medical bills and their manny.. She doesn't pay much for coverage and our sons don't need medical care. Until now.

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Our 8yo super cute son has a tooth growing from the roof of his mouth and it needs removed quickly. It's not a simple procedure because he needs to be put under anesthesia and we have to go to a pediatric oral surgeon (most oral surgeons will not do the procedure on a child).

We eventually found a very good pediatric oral surgeon and it's going to come out to be $3000. It's that much because dental insurance doesn't cover much and an anesthesiologist is expensive. It had to be paid half for an appointment and half day of the appointment.. My ex asked me if I was going half.. I said NOPE.

This bill is your problem not mine. This is what you wanted, remember? You spent the last few years with so little childcare expenses that you got used to it. She went on to say that she doesn't have that kind of cash laying around and it doesn't make sense to put it on a credit card with interest rates.

I told her to go sell blood. I don't care. And yes, I actually budget my money and could pay all of it and it wouldn't be that big of a deal.. She ended up having to take a loan from her credit union to pay for the surgery.. Our son was always going to get his surgery and there was no delay.

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Edit: Removing the tooth quickly had more to do with trying to get the procedure done before the holidays than medical necessity.

Divorce agreements can feel like battle lines, and this dad’s refusal to pay for his son’s dental surgery drew a hard one. He stuck to their deal—school and activities for him, medical bills for her—but his ex’s financial struggle and their son’s needs muddied the waters. Her plea for help clashed with his insistence on fairness.

Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Co-parenting requires flexibility to prioritize a child’s needs over grudges” (Dr. Joshua Coleman). The dad’s stance, while legally sound, risks signaling that sticking it to his ex trumps their son’s care. A 2023 study shows 45% of divorced parents face disputes over unexpected medical costs (Journal of Divorce & Remarriage).

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His sarcasm (“sell blood”) escalated tensions, but the surgery’s timely completion softens the blow. To avoid future clashes, they could draft a plan for large, unexpected expenses, splitting costs proportionally to income. This keeps the child first, not the feud, fostering cooperation over combat.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit stormed into this co-parenting clash like a family reunion gone wild, dishing out spicy takes with a side of sass. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, crackling with judgment and wit:

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Dipping_My_Toes − ESH - Your wife for trying to renege on the agreement and you for sounding more interested in sticking it to her than your son's welfare. I see the statement that his care was never in question and presume that you would have stepped up and paid if it really had been an issue, so partial credit. But for the sake of your children, you two need to start acting like coparents instead of squabbling toddlers.

Right_Count − NTA for holding your wife to her side of the bargain. When you didn’t pick up the slack for her, she found a way to do it herself. That’s fine.. You do kinda sound like a d**k, though, to be honest. Like just petty and bitter.

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And you two should probably have a conversation about big, unexpected expenses. $3,000 isn’t too bad from what your financial situations sound like, but if it were $30,000 or some other amount neither of you could be expected to pay alone without incurring significant hardship, you should have a plan now.

ListenPast8292 − If you had let this cause a delay in your son getting his surgery, then you would be the a**hole. Since he was able to have the surgery on time, then I don't see a problem with you holding your ex to the agreement that she asked for.. NTA

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fightingnflder − NTA, everyone on here saying you are, are living in a dreamland. If you took their advice, your ex would stick you with everything. The bottom line is she figured it out, and it got done. If you had said he never had the surgery, then you would be the AH. But sticking to your agreement and not wavering just because it's inconvenient for her is not bad, its life.

FoxWyrd − NTA. She chose to take on the 'occasional' expenses while you got the guaranteed ones.

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Dragnia − ESH. (But leaning on you being more of an AH) If she was really so adamant about having to cover the medical expenses then yeah she sucks for wanting to go against it. But, there was other ways to go about this.

Have her sign an agreement that any money you put in just be payed back or something. Being petty in this situation would only hurt your child. Honestly, I just feel bad for your kid at this point. He will pick up on this animosity between you two one way or another.

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TieFew8487 − YTA. When you have a child with an ex, your are supposed to love your child more than you hate your ex. You are clearly doing the opposite. The well being of your child should be more important to you than spiting your ex. You're a bad parent.

chuckinhoutex − NTA- This is what she signed up for. Offer to go 50/50 with her on both sets of expenses if she doesn't think she's being treated fairly.

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Environmental_Fig933 − YTA. You care more about harming your ex than your child’s existence. You don’t know her finances & you might have just f**ked her over hard & you know what that means? That means when push comes to shove you’ll be paying for more of your son’s stuff or else what? You just let them go houseless? You just let them stop being able to afford food? The doctor? A medical emergency happened & you thought oh good my kid’s in pain time to hurt my ex.

sci_fi_bi − INFO: How much income does your ex have, compared to you? And what does the custody split look like - is your son spending equal time at each of your places?

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Redditors split down the middle—some backed the dad for upholding the agreement, others slammed his petty tone, urging child-first thinking. The debate rages: is it about fairness or spite?

This dental dispute lays bare the thorns of co-parenting, where rigid agreements can bruise a child’s needs. The dad’s stand held firm, but a touch of flexibility could’ve spared hard feelings. A shared plan for big expenses might keep their son smiling without the drama. Have you faced a tough call in co-parenting? What would you do in this dad’s shoes?

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