AITA for refusing to pay for my SILs fertility treatment?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a family dinner where the clink of glasses fades into an awkward silence, broken only by a bold request for cash. Our Redditor, a woman savoring her child-free life, feels the room shrink as her sister-in-law pleads for money to fund fertility treatments. The air grows thick with expectation, and her polite but firm refusal sets off a family firestorm, with accusations of selfishness sizzling like hot oil.

In a cozy suburban home, this clash of values unfolds, pitting financial stability against emotional demands. Our protagonist, resolute in her choice to remain childless, navigates a minefield of guilt and defiance. Her brother and his wife, desperate for a child, see her as a wallet rather than family. This tale brims with tension, inviting us to peek into a world where personal boundaries and family ties tangle messily.

‘AITA for refusing to pay for my SILs fertility treatment?’

I (32M) am very wealthy. I sold my startup to a big company 10 years ago and invested my money well since. My wife (33F) and I have been together since high school. We have 5 kids (13F, 8F, twins 4M and 1F). We had our first baby young and were flat broke, unplanned, not ready etc.

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We made it work and luckily, I really succeeded financially afterwards. We made a deal back then that we would not have more kids unless we have the money to give them a nice life. We wanted a big family and since we have the money now, we were able to make our dream come true.

My wife's sister (46F) is single, childless and does okay financially, but is not rich. She wants a baby and the treatments to cause her fertility issues would be almost 100.000 dollars total. It's more than she can afford. She asked us for the money a few weeks ago and my wife and I have been discussing it.

She texts her or me every couple of days to 'check on our deal'. Yesterday the family way at our place for my 13yro's birthday and my SIL just blurts out 'you two were poor when you had her, why won't you help me have one now that you're rich?' I told her to please let it go right now and we will talk about it in private.

She called me a selfish and entitled AH in front of both our families. I got angry and told her that now she is for sure not getting our money.. Her family has been blowing up my phone, calling me an AH.. Aita for not paying for her treatments, even though I could do it?

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A $100,000 fertility treatment request is no small ask, especially when it’s lobbed across a birthday cake. The Redditor’s refusal reflects a core tension: his hard-earned wealth versus his sister-in-law’s longing for a child. Her public outburst, calling him selfish, escalated a private matter, while his sharp retort drew a firm line. Both sides feel justified—she’s chasing a dream, he’s guarding his resources.

Family financial disputes often mirror deeper values. A 2023 Pew Research study found 41% of Americans have faced family conflicts over money, with expectations of support causing rifts. At 46, the SIL faces steep odds—IVF success rates drop to under 5% for women over 44, per the CDC. Her financial strain and age add complexity, but don’t entitle her to the Redditor’s wealth.

Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “Requests for large sums can feel like demands on one’s life choices, not just their wallet”. The SIL’s persistence and public shaming suggest desperation, but undermine her case by disrespecting boundaries. The Redditor’s wealth doesn’t obligate him to fund her goals, especially after such a display.

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To move forward, a private, calm discussion could clarify intentions. The Redditor might express empathy for her struggle while firmly declining, suggesting alternatives like adoption or financial planning resources. This respects her dream without compromising his autonomy, cooling family tensions.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s verdict is clear: the Redditor’s not the bad guy. The community slams the SIL’s entitlement, arguing no one’s owed a six-figure handout, especially after a public tantrum. Her age and the low odds of IVF success further sway opinions against her request.

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Many highlight the breach of etiquette—airing financial pleas at a kid’s birthday is a bold misstep. While some empathize with her childless struggle, Reddit agrees the Redditor’s wealth doesn’t make him her personal bank.

NUT-me-SHELL − NTA. The irony of someone looking for a handout calling you entitled is… rich. No pun intended.

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exotics − NTA. I feel bad for her because it probably pains her to see you with all your kids and she can’t even have one but it’s still not your responsibility to pay for it.

ShootFrameHang − NTA where does it stop. If she feels entitled to the treatment, will she also expect you to pay for daycare, private school, a house in a better county, college? It sucks for her, but once you open the wallet you’ll be on the hook every time she has trouble.

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tattooedhepburn − I think it’s weird that no one is bringing up the fact that this woman is 46. I feel like the success rate at that age is next to none. Your money would very likely be wasted. Regardless of her behavior, this would likely be futile.. NTA

GothPenguin − NTA-Being unable to have a child when you want children is heartbreaking but it gives no one the right to be an entitled a**hole.

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useragreement13 − Forgetting the money request, which is absolutely obsurd.. She's 46. By the time she has a baby she could be 47,. 48 Or older That baby will be so high risk of many many health problems and so will mom be.

And with increased likelihood of MAJOR lifelong health problems or birth defects... Comes increased cost. How is she going to cope with that?. She's going to be trying to retirement before her kid graduates.. All as a single.mother..

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These things are challenging , not impossible, in isolation. But together, these things you'd be supporting by paying for her IVF. as a child of older parents, Please do not support this.. There's absolutely a reason why women rarely naturally have kids at that type of age. Nta

toofat2serve − NTA. You are not responsible for personally paying for someone else's fertility treatments.

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Official_loli − NTA - What's going to happen if it doesn't work out? Is SIL going to come to you every time it fails? What happens when the baby arrives and there's still no money? She is not entitled to your money.

[Reddit User] − People amaze me with their boldness asking for other people's money. And then playing victim when the answer is 'no.'. NTA.

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ColonelJebediah − NTA. Your money. And you are in the middle of discussing it. You didn't say no to her. She wouldn't stop pestering you about it. You told her youd talk privately but then she blows up on you during your child's birthday?.

Perhaps your reaction made you an a**hole. But she was an a**hole tenfold. Honestly... she can adopt. Many kids need it anyways and if she's set on having a child then there's many a child that needs parents.

This birthday blowup lays bare the friction between personal dreams and family expectations. The Redditor’s refusal to fund his SIL’s fertility treatments held firm his financial boundaries, but her public outburst left a lingering rift.

Money and family can be a volatile mix—what happens when someone expects a handout you’re not willing to give? Have you faced a bold ask that tested your limits? Drop your thoughts below and let’s dig into these tangled ties!

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