AITA for refusing to pay for my daughter’s wedding & Master’s degree?

In a heart-wrenching Reddit post, a father grapples with being sidelined from his daughter’s life, only to face a stinging betrayal: she expects him to fund most of her wedding but didn’t invite him. Years of estrangement, fueled by his ex-wife’s actions, have left him as little more than a “glorified piggybank” in his daughter’s eyes. This raw tale pulls us into a painful clash of love, duty, and self-respect.

His decision to pull funding for the wedding and a potential Master’s degree until their relationship heals sparked an explosive reaction. Is he wrong to set boundaries, or is this a desperate stand for mutual respect? The Reddit post lays bare a father’s struggle to balance unconditional love with personal dignity.

‘AITA for refusing to pay for my daughter’s wedding & Master’s degree?’

Her mother had issues with infidelity but it didn't matter because she was so much wealthier than me, she hired some amazing lawyers and took to me to the cleaners. She even managed to secure primary custody and I can't so much as take her to the doctor without approval from ex wife, who successfully managed to poison our relationship and feed my daughter lies.

I petitioned alienation to the court which all but ignored my pleas, so me and my daughter began to grow apart to the point where I only saw her for Thanksgiving, a weekend here and there, and maybe for her birthday. Her mother has villainized me to the point where the only thing in my life connected to her is some pictures and her college fund that I have access to.

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Or what's left of it of course; I promised that I'd fund her education (Up to her doctorate) and she's been unsure of if she was going to do it. She got engaged recently and I gladly offered to fund about 65% of the wedding, of which her STBH's parents and maybe the couple can cover the rest.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that I wasn't invited, after her aunt excitedly showed me her invitation and I realized that I hadn't got one, whereas pretty much everyone else has. So I reached out to her tentatively to make sure that I was invited to the wedding and I got a pretty curt response, a thinly veiled suggestion for me to steer clear of it.

At this point I've had enough. Despite what I've been made out to be, I have always loved her and tried to do right by her, even though I am pretty much a glorified piggybank. I don't think it's unreasonable to be invited to my own daughter's wedding that I am funding most of, voluntarily. I thought over it some more then decided to hell with it.

I've done my duty as a father to the utmost best of my ability and I refuse to be taken advantage of even more than I already have. So I want to pull my support for the wedding and a potential graduate degree until we have a proper relationship, because I have needs too. I informed her yesterday and she lost her s**t on me and blocked my number.. AITA?

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Family estrangement can cut deeper than any knife, especially when financial support becomes a one-way street. The father’s offer to fund 65% of his daughter’s wedding, despite their strained bond, shows love, but her exclusion of him from the event feels like a slap. His withdrawal of funding reflects a need for mutual respect, while her reaction suggests she views his role as purely financial. Both are trapped in a cycle of hurt and misunderstanding.

Parental alienation often leaves lasting scars. A 2022 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 40% of estranged parents report feeling used for resources by their children (source). Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert on family estrangement, notes, “Rebuilding requires mutual effort—parents shouldn’t be reduced to wallets without emotional connection” (source). The father’s boundary-setting is a step toward reclaiming his dignity.

Therapy or mediated talks could bridge their gap, starting with small gestures like a heartfelt letter. He might consider partial funding tied to reconciliation efforts.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit users swung hard, dishing out empathy and fiery takes like a family reunion gone wild. From calls to cut funding to questions about missing context, the comments are raw and varied. Here they are:

overpregnant − NTA. Good lord! That anyone would have the gall to accept money and cut you out like this is beyond. I’m usually a “do everything for your kids” kind of person, but this treatment is just cruel and purposefully hurtful. No one needs to prostrate themselves for that

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FisherManAz − NTA. Cut all funding immediately. She is just using you at this point.

k2dadub − NTA- you don’t need to pay for a wedding you aren’t even invited to, and you don’t have to pay for your alienated daughters tuition.

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RedBullMetal − NTA of the year! If you are funding any part of the wedding, them trying to pull a fast one and not have you invited is a punch right to the face. If you pay for ANY event of any kind, you should expect to be welcome there. The curt response sounds like they made it clear that they don't want you there..... Painful, but that means that you shouldn't spend a penny if you are not invited. Even if they backtrack, give them the 'F.U.'

krysbrewer − I'd start cancelling checks, but I \*\*am\*\* an a**hole.

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lending_ear − In solidarity with A | P | O | L | L | O and other 3 | R | D party devs who are impacted by R | E | D | D | I | T | S decisions regarding its A | P | I. BYE!!

[Reddit User] − NTA. Being expected to pay for a wedding you’re not even invited to is supremely insulting.

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UnexpectedBrisket − I feel like there’s important INFO missing. OP describes over-the-top cruel and vindictive behavior by his ex, with no explanation whatsoever as to why she did those things. This is way beyond your typical divorce.

23velf − INFO Your ex wife has more money than you, but you're paying for the majority of both her education and wedding?

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UrbanDecay00 − NTA. Don’t pay for a wedding you aren’t invited to. Seems like she doesn’t care about you unless it’s you giving her money. Cut the ties before it’s too late. Maybe that’ll put some sense into her.

These hot takes back the father’s stand but probe deeper issues—do they capture the full weight of this fractured bond?

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This Reddit saga exposes the raw pain of a father alienated yet expected to bankroll his daughter’s wedding, sparking a debate about love and limits. His refusal to fund without a relationship challenges us to weigh duty against dignity. What would you do in his shoes? Share your thoughts—how do you balance support and self-respect in a strained family tie?

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