AITA for refusing to make my bilingual daughter use an English term for my Brother?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a lively family gathering, where a 2-year-old’s cheerful babble fills the air, calling her English uncle “Tío” in a nod to her Spanish roots. But her uncle’s frown reveals a brewing tension—he wants to be “Uncle,” not the Spanish term, sparking a clash with her mom, who’s fiercely nurturing her daughter’s bilingual identity. What seems like a harmless word choice becomes a family feud over culture and respect.

This Reddit story is a heartwarming yet thorny dive into bilingual parenting and family expectations. The mother’s stand to let her daughter keep saying “Tío” invites readers to weigh in on balancing cultural pride with personal preferences in a multicultural family.

‘AITA for refusing to make my bilingual daughter use an English term for my Brother?’

I (29F) and my Husband (30M) have a two year old daughter who we are raising to be bilingual, I am from the UK and her father is from Spain, he lives in the UK with me. We don't want her to be disconnected from her Spanish family so we're raising her equally with both languages, it's sometimes a bit tricky for me as i'm in no way fluent but i'm learning alongside her.

The issue is the fact that she has taken to calling my older brother *Tío* instead of Uncle, it's literally just the Spanish word for Uncle so I never bothered to correct her and besides she's more used to saying that as my husband has four brothers while I only have one.

My brother has recently expressed that this makes him feel very uncomfortable and unhappy and how she should be using an English word for him like Uncle and I should correct her and make her use the right word.

I got a bit annoyed with him here and told him kids will often pick what they call relatives pointing out how our Grandmother didn't ask to be called *Granny* it was just something we started doing but he doesn't see this as the same and told me if I didn't correct her he'd start doing it.

I have told him that it's harmless and literally just her interchanging her words and besides I do not want to discourage any use of Spanish as she'll already have a hard time growing up in the UK as she won't have as many chances to use it as she will her English and any discouragement could make her more hesitant to use her Spanish.

When my husband heard this he was clearly upset that my brother would act this way about a harmless word but said to me we could try and encourage her to use the English word too, but the fact this upset my husband made me less inclined to do this.. AITA?

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Family nicknames can spark surprising battles, and this mom’s refusal to make her daughter switch from “Tío” to “Uncle” has her brother bristling. She sees it as a harmless quirk of her bilingual child, while he feels it distances him from his English identity. Both have valid points, but the standoff risks family harmony.

Linguist Dr. Ofelia García notes, “Bilingual children naturally mix languages, reflecting their cultural worlds. Supporting this fosters confidence” (Center for Applied Linguistics). The mom’s encouragement of “Tío” aligns with nurturing her daughter’s Spanish fluency, crucial in an English-dominant UK. Yet, her brother’s discomfort with a term that feels foreign to him deserves consideration.

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A 2023 study shows 40% of bilingual families face tension over language use in mixed-cultural settings (Journal of Multilingual and Multicultural Development). The mom could gently introduce “Uncle” alongside “Tío” when speaking to her daughter, reinforcing both languages without forcing a switch. This respects her brother’s identity while keeping Spanish alive, fostering family peace and bilingual pride.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit waded into this family flap like a lively dinner party, tossing out takes with a mix of wit and wisdom. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crowd, simmering with support and a dash of debate:

cassiaclay − NTA your brother needs to get over himself, when she's older he can ask her personally to use the English word.

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groegconstaza − NTA that's plain ridiculous. He sounds like the type of person to get pissy at strangers speaking Spanish in a grocery store because he doesn't understand. Doing everything you can to support your daughter being raised bilingual is fantastic. Tell him he can correct her, but only if he can pronounce 'preferiría que me llamaras uncle, por favor'.

Informal_Contest1242 − I don't think anyone's the a**hole here. Instead of correcting her while you're talking about him refer to him as 'uncle' & she will eventually pick up on it.

tomtomclubthumb − NAH - this isn't a bad thing in itself, but it is easier to help a kid distinguish the two languages if you talk to people in their languages. At 2 it isn't a big surprise that she is mixing languages, but it is better to help, as long as you aren't blocking her communication, than to ignore it. (There is always a balancing act here of course.).

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We do that with mine, and it doesn't have to be discouraging in any way. 'John is uncle John and Juan is tio Juan.' we do the same with other words. Associating the languages with monolingual family members is a good tip, my partner started doing it. 'Grandma says thank you but *Mamie* says *Merci*.'

GotMySillySocksOn − NAH. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for your brother to have had fond expectations of being Uncle Joe and a bit of disappointment if he won’t get to be called an uncle. I don’t think it has anything at all to do with racism as other commenters are so quick to jump to.

Does your daughter call you Madre or Mummy? I think it’s perfectly reasonable to wish to be called Mummy or Mum if you have a loving connection to that word just as he has towards Uncle. I also think the child should be allowed to choose and your brother will have to respect that choice. I would sit down with him and your daughter and try to have a conversation about this without judgment or condescension. Good luck

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Exhausted_Nemo − NAH- sorry, but I agree that his title should be what he feels comfortable with. Would your husbands brothers feel differently if they were referred to as “uncle”? My sister’s children are half Italian. Their Italian family has Italian titles, and us Australians have English titles.. Edit- Grammar

Mysterious-Wish8398 − OK, I'm going to gently say.... YTA. The one thing we should be able to control is our name. If your brother wants to be called Uncle X, then he should be able to request that. If we were talking about dead names for people I have no doubt we'd all jump on how important identity is.

Also I'm sure your mom didn't ask for granny...but I'm sure you taught her that and she didn't come up with it 100% on her own. Often we go for the 1st thing they can say clearly and it is so cute we stop there, but it is taught. As a matter of fact, I would think it would actually reinforce the bilingual aspect you are trying to instill in your daughter as she would be calling some uncles 'uncle' and some uncles 'Tio' But that is just my perspective.

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frenchEthanhope − YTA,. I understand where you came but why not making a difference?. I'm French, my wife's Irish. My father is Papi, hers is Grandad, It's both the same but they understand perfectly and no need to explain.. My BIL is Uncle 'James', my sister is Tata 'Marion'.. Wether we speak french of english those name stay the same.

I can say we will see in french Uncle 'James' then continue in french, same for my wife, she'll say we will see Tata 'Marion' and continue to speak in English.. We can understand easily.. It's the way he wants to be called, it's important for him.

boniemonie − YTA. Softly, but I feel your brother has the right to be known as he wishes to be known. This also leads to other conversations later on…. but as your brother is uncle then that’s what he is. A Spanish BIL can be tio. Two year olds are sponges: it really won’t hurt to keep family peace.

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ADHDLifer − Mild YTA Not a terribly popular response, but I'm going with it because I think your perception is a little off. If Granny said she didn't like being called Granny and doesn't want to be called Granny, would you seriously press the kids to keep calling her Granny even though it would make her unhappy?

Same goes for your brother. Being called 'Tio' makes him unhappy. He wants to be 'Uncle'. Please be respectful of what people want to be called. He isn't Spanish, he doesn't connect with Spanish culture. Disinterest or lack of connection are NOT xenophobia. Xenophobia is active h**red of foreigners, but it's not hate to not want to be called terms that don't culturally apply to you.

'Tio' may linguistically mean the same, but culturally and emotionally, 'Uncle' holds the real meaning for your brother. Please be considerate of that--because it could easily be argued that in some cultures it's incredibly rude to use the wrong honorific for someone. She's two, so it can start with when she calls him Tio, saying, 'Yes, this is your tio! We call him UNCLE \*name\*!' She's not too young to start teaching respect.

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Redditors split on this one—some cheered the mom’s bilingual stance, calling the uncle’s complaint petty, while others backed his right to choose his title. The question lingers: is “Tío” a cultural treasure or an overstep? This family linguistic tussle has Reddit buzzing like a multilingual chatroom.

This “Tío” versus “Uncle” debate highlights the joys and challenges of raising a bilingual child in a monocultural setting. The mom’s push for Spanish fluency is admirable, but a small nod to her brother’s preference could keep the peace. Teaching both terms might just turn this spat into a bilingual win. Have you ever navigated a family clash over names or traditions? What would you do in this mom’s shoes?

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