AITA for refusing to look after my little brother for a week?

Jonathan Hours
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A 19-year-old woman stands on the cusp of uni life, her heart buzzing with dreams of new friends and late-night study sessions. Bags packed, she’s ready for orientation week in her hometown—until her parents lob a curveball: “Watch your 5-year-old brother, James, all week!” With work whisking them away, they lean on her, ignoring her packed schedule.

The sting of unfairness hits hard. She’s played “nanny” since her teens, yet her 17-year-old brother gets a free pass. Tensions flare, but a savvy grandma steps in to shift the tide. Buckle up for a tale of family friction and bold boundaries!

‘AITA for refusing to look after my little brother for a week?’

So I (19F) have two brothers, 17 and 5 years old. Ever since the youngest was born, I have been expected to look after him quite a lot. I usually don’t mind but I do feel like a free nanny sometimes. My parents make it seem like he is my responsibility. My mom often yells that ”no one helps her with James (my 5yo brother) and I should take care of him more”.

My father is away a lot because of his work, sometimes even weeks. This september I am starting uni. I have my own apartment that I will move into this weekend. (You should note that my parents have said to me multiple times these past few years that they can’t wait until I move out because I am so lazy in their opinion and never help out).

So next week is orientation week for my uni. The uni is in my hometown so I am not moving far, just getting my own place. The orientation week is super important for getting to know the people you will spend the next few years with. It is also important to attend because all the important info will be given during this week.

My schedule is quite packed for the whole week, days start at 10am and continue till late night. The problem is that both my parents have important work stuff next week as well. My mom is flying abroad for work and dad is away the whole week as well. My parents said to me that they expect me to take James to and from daycare and spend the evenings with him, feed and bathe him and put him to bed.

I told them that this won’t be possible because of my uni schedule but I can take him to daycare and depending on schedule help out. I reminded them that my 17yo brother is also capable of helping out, since he is still living with them and doesn’t have such a packed schedule that week and has more time to help out.

My parents said that this won’t be possible since my brother has to focus on his high school studies and is too young. (Note that I would take care of James for whole weekends since 14yo). I don’t want to be difficult but what my parents are asking from me is too much. They got really angry at me when I explained the situation and told me that I shouldn’t ask them for help ever again because they will not give me any.

They are not offering me any money either for taking care of a 5yo for an entire week whilst pushing all my important things aside. I know for a fact that they sometimes give my other brother money for helping out but never offer it to me. I feel like they are in the wrong here but I might not see things that clearly. So, AITA?

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Parenting expectations can turn family dynamics into a tightrope walk—especially when a young adult’s budding independence collides with old habits. Our 19-year-old protagonist faces a classic case of uneven responsibility, her parents leaning on her like a crutch while her brother sidesteps the load. Is this fairness, or a subtle bias at play? Perhaps it’s a mix of convenience and outdated expectations, with parents stretched thin by work and habituated to her reliability since age 14.

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This scenario whispers a broader issue: parentification, where kids take on adult roles too soon. According to a 2019 study from the American Psychological Association (source), prolonged parentification can strain mental health, curbing personal growth and sparking resentment. Here, the pressure to prioritize James over university orientation risks derailing her social and academic start.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, notes in a 2023 Psychology Today article, “When parents overburden one child with sibling care, it can blur boundaries and breed inequity, especially if gender or birth order sways the load” (source). Dr. Damour’s words spotlight the potential unfairness here—our protagonist’s gender and history as the “helpful” daughter may tilt the scales, unlike her 17-year-old brother’s lighter burden.

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So, what’s the fix? Experts suggest clear boundaries: she could offer limited help—say, daycare drop-offs—while parents explore alternatives like a hired sitter or family support. Grandma’s step-in is a win, and getting paid sweetens the deal.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew chimed in with fiery takes, and we’ve got the juiciest ones lined up—candid, cheeky, and ready to spark a chuckle! From cries of favoritism to rallying for uni dreams, the community’s got our heroine’s back. Check out the highlights below.

Low_Engineering8921 − NTA. This is favouritism at best and misogyny at worst. Tell them with certainty that you aren't doing this and then move out.

[Reddit User] − DO NOT MISS ORIENTATION! It is the most important week apart from finals. It's when you make friends. Miss it and even if you arrive one week later, you'll always be seen as an 'outsider'. Seriously. Plus it's when you learn how everything works. (I suspect they may think it's just a week of parties, thus optional. I won't deny there are parties, but they are *important networking events*)

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They have had 18 years to prepare for you moving out. If they failed to make alternative arrangements, that's not your fault.. And it'll always be 'just another week'. Not your kids, not your responsibility. Your ONLY responsibility now is to yourself.. NTA

But your parents are out of line. Google 'Parentification' and print out choice extracts for them. TLDR It's what they're doing to you, and it's a form of abuse.. And your 17 year old brother should take a stand too.. Your parents can dump little bro on a granny or pay a babysitter.

Sirenaide − NTA, either they make your brother babysit or hire a babysitter. They know the word 'No' is an answer. They know university is not high school and tougher. They get upset? Let them. They chose to have a 5 year old, it's their responsibility to raise their child. Honestly it seems you're the s**pegoat for being female from what I've noticed.

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Kris82868 − NTA. They have stuff planned that week, you have stuff planned that week. Their stuff doesn't take priority over yours. They made the child, not you. They have to find a way to make it work.

aceinthewest − Nta, but your parents are. As others have stated before me, your parents are only doing this because you're a girl. They act like you being a girl some how makes you your brothers second mom or something.. Go to orientation. Get your schedule and focus on your studies.

aethercandace − NTA - Start working on other sources to support yourself. They seem like they don't respect you. Your 17 year old brother is old enough to care for the 5 year old. I don't understand why your mother would make such plans during an important week for you.

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Angry_poutine − NTA. Even if it was ok to rely on a daughter to raise your kid (it’s not), they outright said they couldn’t wait for you to move out. Well now you’ve moved out and they’re finding out.

I hate to say it because healthy family relationships are important but your parents just don’t sound capable of having them. No contact probably isn’t an option if they’re helping you with school right now but maybe you can at least avoid going to their house for a while?

[Reddit User] − NTA. What it boils down to: You're a woman and your first brother is a boy, so in their minds, his studies take priority over yours. They are being sexist and misogynistic. They can hire a nanny, or your mother can take your second brother with her. But this isn't your problem.

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[Reddit User] − INFO once you leave for uni, will you be dependent on them for money? for college? to live off? car? anything?

[Reddit User] − NTA. The free babysitting stops here. University is every bit as much your job and the thing you need to focus on right now as work is theirs (or as your brother’s schoolwork is his, for that matter), except *you’re* not the one who has kids. If you say no, they need to keep moving down the list instead of trying to make this your responsibility.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Is it all about saying “no” with gusto, or does family loyalty deserve a cameo?

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In this whirlwind of family demands, our 19-year-old stood her ground, roping in grandma to ease the load and carving out space for her uni journey. It’s a messy but hopeful dance—low contact for now, a paycheck for help, and a shot at balance. The Reddit hive buzzed with support, but the real question lingers: where’s the line between duty and self-care? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, experiences, and witty takes below—let’s keep this chat rolling!

The author has updated the information for the article below:

UPDATE:. First off I want to thank for the encouraging messages, it means a lot to me. I want to clear some confusions. I live in Europe, in a country where uni is free. I pay for my own apartment myself and am in no way dependent on my parents financially. So no, they don’t have that hanging over my head. I called my grandma and explained the situation to her.

She was on my side and encouraged me to talk to my parents. I called my mom and poured out to her that the situation doesn’t feel fair to me. She was quite upset at first so I hung up and called grandma again. My grandma then called my mom and basically told her off, which eventually led to my mom apologizing to me. My grandma is coming to take care of James and I agreed to help whenever I have time. I am getting paid as well.

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As for my parents I think it’s best that I go low contact for a while until things settle. I don’t want to completely cut off ties because I think family is still important. However I don’t think it’s good for me to be around for a little while as my parents seem to be upset still. I do feel bad about not seeing my brothers that much but for now I think it’s for the best..

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