AITA For refusing to let my stepson and his newly pregnant GF move in with us?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The living room was usually a haven, with its soft couch and warm lamplight, but tonight it buzzed with unease. Mark, 42, sat across from his stepson Joe, whose nervous grin barely masked the bombshell he’d just dropped. At 19, Joe and his girlfriend were expecting—a surprise that came with a plea to move into Mark’s home. What should’ve been a joyful moment twisted into a standoff, as Mark’s gut screamed “no” louder than his wife’s hopeful gaze.

For Mark, it wasn’t just about space; it was about choices, consequences, and a life he hadn’t signed up for. Readers might feel the weight of his dilemma, caught between family loyalty and personal boundaries. Joe’s casual shrug about “condoms sucking” only fanned the flames, leaving Mark to wonder if he’s the villain for holding firm. This tale of clashing priorities pulls us into a messy family puzzle—where do you draw the line?

‘AITA For refusing to let my stepson and his newly pregnant GF move in with us?’

My wife (40F) and I (42M) have been married for 3 years. We don't have any kids together, but she has 2 kids from a previous relationship (21F & 19M). I have decent relationships with her kids but due to their ages when I met their mom, I never assumed a father-type role and they never expected me to fill that for them.

Their bio dad is involved in their lives and we all get along pretty well. My stepdaughter is at college so we don't see her very often. My stepson (Joe) lives a few hours away from us with his GF and works full-time. A couple weeks ago, Joe called my wife and asked if he and his GF could come visit.

My wife was very excited because she hadn't seen Joe in a while. But Joe never just visits for fun. It's almost always when he needs something and knows my wife has a harder time saying

After the initial excitement and tears from my wife, Joe dropped the question I knew was coming. They want to move in with my wife and I while they get their feet under them because their current 1-room apartment isn't big enough for a baby. My wife looked at me and must have sensed my hesitation because she said this is something we all need to discuss first to make sure it will work.

Joe and his GF agreed and told us to ask them anything. My wife asked a few questions about whether or not this was planned and what their plans are besides moving in with us. Joe and his GF started talking about how their apartment could work if absolutely needed, but it's tiny and there's no separate room for the baby.

They could also save a lot of money by living with us and get a better place sooner that way. Then Joe's GF said that it wasn't planned but they are both so excited to be parents. She said that she had to switch birth control due to a hormonal imbalance and that Joe hates condoms and it just kind of happened.

Joe then laughed and joked about how much condoms suck. I had been mostly quiet up to this point. But after Joe made that joke, I spoke up. I told them that it sounds like both of them knew that GF was in a transition period with birth control and they knew this sort of thing could happen and yet still choose to be stupid about it.

I told them they are both idiots if they think I am going to be OK with them moving in with us with a baby when this situation was completely preventable by them not being dumb. Joe's GF started crying and my wife and Joe immediately started consoling her. My wife scolded me for being too harsh and that we all still have a lot to talk about.

My wife and I have been fighting about this ever since. She thinks we need to help in any way we can and I think that since Joe and his GF were dumb enough to get themselves into this, I don't want to end up being responsible for a baby when they inevitably do something dumb again.

Family ties can tangle fast when babies enter the picture. Mark’s clash with Joe and his girlfriend exposes a raw truth: blending families means navigating unspoken expectations. Joe’s request to move in feels like a shortcut to stability, but Mark sees it as a trap—two young adults dodging the fallout of their choices. His sharp words may sting, but they stem from a fear of losing control over his home.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in a 2024 Greater Good Magazine article, “Boundaries in stepfamilies are vital for harmony—without them, resentment festers.” Mark’s hesitation reflects this, balancing his role as a stepdad against the chaos a baby could bring. Joe’s casual attitude doesn’t help, signaling a gap in maturity that fuels Mark’s doubts.

Stepfamily dynamics are tricky. A 2022 Journal of Family Issues study found 40% of stepparents face pressure to overextend support, especially with adult stepchildren. Mark’s not wrong to prioritize his peace, but his delivery could’ve been softer to avoid burning bridges.

What’s next? Dr. Gottman suggests “calm, clear talks” to set limits—like offering help with budgeting or childcare resources instead of cohabitation. Mark could say, “We want to support you, but living here isn’t the answer.” It’s a middle ground that keeps ties intact. Readers, ever faced a family favor that felt like too much? Share your stories!

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s crew jumped into the fray, serving up a spicy mix of cheers and reality checks for Mark’s stand. It’s like a virtual pub debate—everyone’s got an opinion, and they’re not shy about it. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, brimming with wit and a few facepalms:

disney_nerd_mom − NTA. If they move in from their current residence - a few hours away - that means they both will have to quit their jobs and find new ones. At 19 y.o. I’m going to assume he’s a minimum wage or a bit higher? And what does gf do? Even though it’s illegal as soon as she starts showing she’s going to not get job offers.

All that means OP and his wife will be paying for EVERYTHING. WHO is going to provide daycare, formula, food for 4 instead of two? You have increase in utilities, not to mention baby stuff takes so much room. What’s the division of labor going to look like? How long do they think it’ll take to get ”on their feet”? I’m with OP on this. Bet Joe wouldn’t dare ask his dad if he and gf could move in with him.

alien_overlord_1001 − NTA. he doesn't like condoms? I hope he likes babies then.......... You are right - these two are idiots, and if they move in, they won't be going anywhere in a hurry - she won't be working at all after the baby, and what jobs is he getting if he didn't go to college? Then they will expect your wife to look after the baby - I'm guessing she will end up doing everything. And you will have to live with the chaos a baby brings.

They can make their 1 room apartment work - if they are going ahead with this stupidity, they can figure out how they will manage it. Or your wife can move somewhere with them. But if you let them bully you into accepting this, you will only get more resentful as time goes on.. Also, I don't think you were too harsh - they are stupid - monumentally stupid.

NUredditNU − Is this a shared home? You own? She owns? Who pays for it? She’s welcome to have her son and his gf and baby move into HER home if it’s hers and she pays for it. But you don’t have to be there for it. If it’s yours or you both share the costs/mortgage, stand your ground. They’ll never leave. And living with a baby will dramatically alter your day to day. NTA

IrregularArugula − NTA. Hold your ground, too, or your cozy home will explode with a new stressed-out family who will never move out. Your stepson and his GF are young, but not too young to FAFO. A lot of young families start out this way, and they figure things out as they go.

Their current place may be small, but it will accommodate them and their newborn for a while. And it will motivate them to strive a little harder for a larger place. This is how it works. There are plenty of ways you and your wife can help them that don't include having them move in with you (or draining your bank account).

thumpmyponcho − Joe hates condoms and it just kind of happened. Joe then laughed and joked about how much condoms suck. You are completely right in what you said to them. They are adults, there's plenty of different birth control available (also temporary abstinence and a**rtion for that matter),

they made all the decisions and took all the risks to get into this situation, why should it be to you to give up your own living space to save them from their own choices? And then to joke about how much condoms suck. Ugg. NTA. Stay strong and don't let them do this to you.

Senator_Bink − Condoms suck. Know what else sucks? Having kids before you can support them sucks. If they move in you won't be able to pry them out with a crowbar. NTA.

DinoSnuggler − NTA. Babies don't need separate space for awhile, they've got plenty of time to get their feet under them without moving into your house.

fallingintopolkadots − Nineteen year olds sometimes do super dumb things..... shocking. I'm guess the big deal for your wife is the first grandchild and that Joe lives a few hours away, so grandbaby would be a few hours away. I'm sure they're also banking on the help. But! Why are they leaving their full-time jobs in order to move back home where they don't have full-time jobs?

Does his gf thing she'll have an easy time applying for a new job while pregnant? And why does a literal brand new infant HAVE to have a room to themselves? Sure, at some point, kiddo should have their own room, but at the start, baby doesn't care and will need so much attention anyway. In general, NTA for your not having signed up for this possibility, and also having some questions about Joe's reasoning.

Tudorprincess1 − Why aren’t they moving in with her parents?

emoaa − You’re better than me because 9 weeks? That fetus is the size of a bean. She can still get a pill a**rtion. Deffo don’t sacrifice your sanctity for such irresponsible behavior. NTA, I would have said the same.

These Redditors are all in, from clapping for Mark’s backbone to questioning Joe’s game plan. Some see a slippery slope to chaos, others a chance for compromise. But do their hot takes cover all the angles, or are they just riding the drama wave? One thing’s for sure—this family face-off has everyone buzzing. Where do you stand on Mark’s big “no”?

Mark’s story is a rollercoaster of loyalty, limits, and a baby on the way, leaving us all wondering where family obligations end. He’s digging in, but is there room for a softer landing that doesn’t slam the door shut? Joe and his girlfriend face a tough road, and maybe that’s the point—growing up means owning your choices. What would you do if a family curveball landed at your door? Hit us with your thoughts below!

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