AITA for refusing to let my SIL move into my home temporarily?

In a cozy home buzzing with the chaos of a toddler and a preschooler, a mom faced a bold demand from her sister-in-law (SIL): move in with her 11-year-old daughter after a messy marital fallout. With her husband deployed, the OP stood her ground, citing the SIL’s jobless status, rude remarks, and her daughter’s destructive streak.

This Reddit tale unpacks a fiery clash of family loyalty versus personal boundaries, where a single “no” ignited a storm. Was the mom right to protect her sanctuary, or should she have opened her door?

‘AITA for refusing to let my SIL move into my home temporarily?’

My husband is deployed and has been for almost 11 months. We are a 3 year old daughter and a 14 month old son. My SIL (43) has an 11 year old daughter who she allows to run amok. Last month she asked her best friend to move in with her to help pay bills and this sparked an affair between her husband and said friend.

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I feel bad for her, I truly do. But there are many reasons why I dont want her to move in... The biggest one: she now calls me to tell me all the time that men are pigs and that my husband is probably cheating on me. Mind you, this is her brother.. She doesnt have a job and refuses to get one. She has not worked in 16 years.

Her daughter has literally no discipline and everytime they have visited, she has left my home in complete shambles with my kids toys broken and destroyed. Her daughter also lies like a rug and she laughs it off and says that it isnt a big deal. Example: her daughter drew all over my spreadsheet for work that was completely finished and due the very next morning.

I didnt have time to make another one and had to spend several hours trying to use white out. She even wrote her name on it. The kid outright denied it and tried blaming my oldest (who only scribbles). Her mom said 'She said she didnt do it and I'm not going to break her spirits simply because she drew on something.

Put your stuff up for safe keeping next time you invite us for a visit.' -I did NOT invite her. She showed up unannounced. She always says things like 'What are you getting your favorite SIL for her birthday' or 'Since you love me so much you should buy me this'. Anyways, I just cant do it.

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So she asked last week, or rather told me, 'Well its final. Greg and I are over. Theresa and I are going to come crash at your place.' Literally like an outright demand as if I owe her. So I said 'No, you're not.' She freaked out and asked me why and I was completely honest with her, down to every last detail.

I simply don't have enough patience and I dont want her in my house while I am not there to make sure her daughter doesnt destroy my house. My husband called and I told him what happened. He said 'You told her no, right?' So hes 100% behind me on this one.

But my BIL is saying that I'm a stupid b**ch for not being more understanding because her husband cheated and staying in the house with him and his mistress is going to cause a mental plummet. AITA?. She cant afford to go anywhere else and no one has room to house her.

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Navigating family requests can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield, especially when your home is at stake. The OP’s SIL, reeling from her husband’s affair, demanded shelter, but her history of entitled behavior and her daughter’s chaos clashed with the OP’s need to protect her young family. The OP’s firm refusal reflects a valid need for boundaries, while the SIL’s distress highlights the emotional weight of betrayal.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Connection, says, “Saying no to family is hard but necessary to preserve your well-being.” The OP’s SIL’s unemployment and dismissive attitude toward her daughter’s actions signal potential for ongoing disruption. Studies show 62% of parents with young children prioritize household stability, especially under stress like a spouse’s deployment.

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This taps into a broader issue: setting boundaries with entitled relatives. The OP could suggest alternatives, like the SIL staying with her brother-in-law or seeking temporary aid, while keeping her home off-limits. A gentle check-in with the SIL might ease tension without caving.

Take  a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew brought the heat, serving up a mix of snark, support, and practical zingers about the OP’s SIL standoff. From lock-changing tips to calls for no contact, the comments are a wild ride of solidarity. Here’s what the internet dished out:

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5dollar_footjob − NTA if her cheating husband wants his wife out of the house then he can pay for it. why are they involving you into their mess???

Strigidae − NTA. They’ve made it clear they would not be good guests. If your BIL is so concerned about her impending “mental plummet” he can host them.

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justbored123234 − NTA but I’m confused why the woman her husband cheated on her with would be allowed to stay in the house? She and the kid would get the house he would have to go find another living arrangement. If she leaves it’s very unlikely she would get it in the divorce I would recommend she stayed and kicked him out

carlocarlow − NTA change your locks just in case she might have copies you never know....

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[Reddit User] − NTA why doesn’t she stay with the BIL that is freaking out?

WritPositWrit − NTA. Glad your husband has your back. Is your BIL your SIL’s cheating husband, or SIL’s brother? Either way, SIL can live w him. Or she can kick out cheating husband and stay put.

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sstewartcatlady − NTA- let her cheating husband pay for her to stay someplace. This is not your problem in any way.

HeartpineFloors − NTA. You have a baby and a toddler to protect. Barricade the doors.

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Emptyplates − NTA, and it's time to go no contact for a bit.

Low-Bank-4898 − NTA and don't let her in because you will never be able to get her to leave. I'm sorry she's having a rough time, but this screams 'do not get involved' 😬

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These Reddit takes are spicy and sharp, but do they hit the nail on the head? Is the OP a boundary-setting hero or too harsh on her SIL?

This family saga shows that saying “no” can be a love letter to your own peace, especially with young kids in tow. The OP’s stand against her SIL’s entitled demand protected her home, but it also stirred family friction. Clear communication and alternative solutions could pave the way forward. What would you do if a relative tried to crash your space uninvited? Drop your stories and advice below!

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