AITA for refusing to let my partner be blackmailed by his parents for not inviting a hated uncle to our wedding?

Wedding planning is supposed to be all about love and fairy-tale vibes, but for one UK couple, it’s turned into a transatlantic tug-of-war. When the groom-to-be, K, drew a hard line against inviting his sleazy, manipulative Uncle P to their July nuptials, his parents unleashed a storm of emotional blackmail—tears, threats, and even a withdrawn wedding gift. Our Redditor, no stranger to family drama herself, refused to let K cave, turning their guest list into a battleground of boundaries.

This story is like a rom-com with a villainous uncle and a meddling mom, where love fights to keep the day drama-free. Reddit’s cheering from the sidelines, but the question lingers: is standing firm against family pressure a bold move, or a recipe for a fractured clan? Let’s dive into this wedding-day showdown and see who gets the final RSVP.

‘AITA for refusing to let my partner be blackmailed by his parents for not inviting a hated uncle to our wedding?’

 After being together ~10yrs, my partner, K (M25) and I (F25) have finally decided to plan our wedding. I've never dreamt of my wedding, I'm generally unbothered about the details, just a nice day. I'm slowly getting excited after confirming our venue and date last week.. On Saturday, we discussed it with K's family and his mum asked 'are you inviting Uncle P?'

Uncle P is just the worst. I've met him 3 times, he's in US and we're UK. But he makes my skin crawl with how sleezy he is. K truly hates him for the all the devastation and manipulative behaviour to his family. Most notably, stealing £££££ from his parents for his lifestyle and failing business, cheating and being a general unpleasant a**oholic. He had also never been an Uncle to K, they haven't spoken in years.

K refuses to invite him, his very presence would just make him angry and upset. I suggested a pity invite to keep his mum happy, but he didn't accept just in case he did turn up.. Back to Saturday, I replied truthily with no we're not sorry. I wasn't going to give her false hope. Today we found out she's been crying. Threatening they won't talk to us if we don't invite him.

Saying itll break up her family. They won't come to the wedding. Threatened to not gift us wedding money (we're not fussed). They have said they'd pay for Uncle P to attend etc etc.. Obviously this has caused a huge amount of heartbreak I personally went through a lot trauma, emotional abuse from my family, so I'm sort of used to this blackmail.

I've had periods of not seeing my family because of my stepmum. But it all tends to sort itself out. It's now become more than just a silly invite for me. The easy route would just to cave, but I've had so much of my life ruined and dictated by other people that I'm not willing to let K be blackmailed like this.. So am I the a**hole?

Wedding guest lists shouldn’t feel like a hostage negotiation, but for this couple, K’s parents turned Uncle P’s invite into a power play. K’s refusal to include a toxic uncle—known for stealing and manipulation—stems from a deep desire to protect their special day. The parents’ tears and threats to skip the wedding scream emotional blackmail, a tactic that’s all about control, not love.

Research shows 40% of couples face family pressure over wedding decisions, often tied to guest lists (The Knot, 2023). Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Emotional manipulation in families often escalates when boundaries are challenged, as it threatens established dynamics” (Psychology Today, 2024). Here, K’s mom’s insistence on Uncle P’s presence prioritizes her family image over K’s comfort, ignoring his valid grievances.

The Redditor’s stance—backing K’s boundary—is a masterclass in loyalty. Their plan to block Uncle P, even if he “happens” to visit during the wedding, is wise. A firm, united front with K, perhaps with a scripted response like, “This is our day, and our guest list is final,” can shut down further manipulation.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s dishing out takes spicier than a wedding cake with extra zest, and they’re all in on this guest-list drama! Here’s what the community had to say:

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[Reddit User] - NTA, good on you for standing up for your SO and yourself and your big day. Mumsy will get over it or is showing her true colours.

FuckUGalen - NTA - and sit down children old Mrs FuckUGalen has a short story time. About 9 years 8 months and 11 days ago +1 year, I also was planning a wedding with my parents pushing me to invite relatives I didn't want at my wedding. 'They won't come' my parents said. 'They will send cash or good gifts' my parents said.

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Well children, the did come, they did not bring gifts. They did however bring children (to my ~~adult~~ child free wedding), they also managed to cause $1000 worth of damage when one of the uninvited children knocked over a glass cabinet. I am not saying you shouldn't pick your battles, but remember that this is your wedding, and you should be comfortable with all your guests.. *edit* I word real good.

Bubblegrime - NTA - it's your wedding, not a restorative family therapy session.

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Tickle_The_Grundle - NTA at all. If all the stuff Uncle P did didn't 'break up the family' then the family will survive this too. It's really just manipulation to get what they want. Tell them to care about their son or f**k off.

I_exist_damn_you - What the hell is it with people thinking they get a say in who a couple invites to their wedding? If you are not one of the people getting married you do not get to decide who gets an invitation. If it's so bad that you'll threaten to not go then good riddance.

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Have your fiance blackmail and manipulate her right back. 'If you truly loved me and wanted my wedding to be a joyous occasion then you wouldn't ask me to invite someone I can't stand.' And obviously you're NTA

Kitsumekat - NTA. It sounds like mother in law wants drama at the wedding.

Featherymorons - NTA and please stand firm on this. Emotional blackmail is never ok. K’s parents need to get over themselves and realise this isn’t about them. It’s you and your partner who are getting married and it’s you and your partner who get to invite, or not invite, whoever you want.

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If they are so petty and childish that they try to emotionally blackmail K with not talking to him etc, well, that seems to me to be their loss and your gain. Do you really want these people at your wedding anyway? DO NOT CAVE! Good luck OP and I hope you have a lovely wedding.

Crafty_hooker - I fought this battle and won.. What worked for me was making MIL say it herself. I'd met my now husband's cousin once via Skype. She and her partner (whom I'd never met) were invited to the wedding. Her four little Hellions (whom I'd also never met but heard numerous stories about) were not invited.

We were not fully child free but we had a very select list of children we had an actual relationship with to attend. MIL approached us. Cousin couldn't come unless she can bring her children. We said that was a shame, she'd be missed. MIL offered to pay. I explained it wasn't about the money.

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I said I knew that one set of grandparents would be at the wedding, but what about the others (these 4 children has 3 different dads, there were grandparents aplenty)? She said none could have them. I asked why not, we're they all busy? No, they just refuse to babysit the children.oh gosh! Are they really that bad? Yes, they can be. So, do you think they'd make good wedding guests? No, probably not.. Make her say it. It goes on better that way.

HoleToad - It's your wedding, everyone else can get bent.. You and your partner, two witnesses, and the representative of the state. That's all that is required.. Everyone else is there at your discretion.. NTA. Your Mother in Law, however, is.

Aska9794 - NTA Stand your ground on this one. On your wedding day, you don't want people there that make your skin crawl. You have said No multiple times now. If Mum really wants to choose P over K and miss out on the wedding, that is on her. 'Oh, what a shame you're not coming then.' 'No, it's not up for discussion.'

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Don't engage with her. You already know her crying/threats are manipulative and it is not her place to lay down any demands here. Your wedding will be all the better without the negativity. And congratulations :)

These Redditors are Team No-Uncle-P, but is K’s mom just misguided, or is this manipulation a dealbreaker? Can this couple keep their day drama-free?

This wedding saga proves that love sometimes means saying “no” to family pressure, even when it comes with tears and threats. Our Redditor and K are fighting to keep their big day a celebration, not a therapy session for Uncle P’s sins. Should they hold the line against blackmail, or find a compromise to keep the peace? How would you handle a family trying to crash your wedding with a toxic guest? Drop your thoughts below and let’s plan the perfect boundary-setting strategy.

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