AITA for refusing to let my mom and dad’s boyfriend walk me down the aisle?

In a cozy living room, wedding plans unfold with joy until a bride-to-be faces an awkward family request: her parents want their polyamorous boyfriend, Brian, to walk her down the aisle alongside her dad. For this 24-year-old Reddit user, Brian’s presence since her teens shifted family dynamics, leaving her uneasy about his role in her big day. She insists on her dad alone, sparking parental disappointment.

Shared on the AITA forum, her story captures the tangle of love, loyalty, and personal boundaries. The bride’s firm stance against including Brian, whom she doesn’t see as a stepdad, pulls readers into a heartfelt debate about family roles and wedding traditions, blending warmth with the sting of unconventional expectations.

‘AITA for refusing to let my mom and dad’s boyfriend walk me down the aisle?’

So, I (24f) am graduating from university in like just under a month so my fiancee and I have started planning our wedding. My mom and dad had me fairly young, they were both twenty and up until I was thirteen, they both argued and yelled at each other a lot.

Then all of a sudden they just stopped, things got better between them, they both got a lot happier and we started doing a lot more family activities. Us three would watch a show every night, we'd go to the movies or a restaurant or hiking and stuff on the weekends, we'd start having little parties and stuff when I got good grades.

Then when I was 14, they introduced me to Brian (33 now, 23 then) and told me that he was their boyfriend and they'd been seeing him for a year and he was moving in with us. Things got so weird after that.

Like we stopped watching shows every night, on weekends if we were going some place it'd either be me and mom and dad stays home with Brian or me and dad and mom stays home with Brian. The only thing that stayed the same were the little parties for good grades.

It was so weird being around Brian alone but even weirder when he'd get affectionate with mom and dad in front of me and I honestly stopped bringing my friends over after one of them saw him and dad getting into it on the couch.

But he always made my mom and dad happy and never gets in my way if I'm sad and I need to cry to dad or cuddle my mom, so why would I do anything about it? Well, my parents came to me with this genius idea that my dad and Brian should both be the ones to walk me down the isle, saying Brian was kind of like a stepdad to me.

But he wasn't, yes I'll say he's family but he's not any kind of dad to me. I made it clear that I only want my dad to walk me down the aisle. They asked if I could give him any other role, I said no and they both got sad and said it was like I was rejecting their bond with Brian.

My fiancee said he supports me but my cousins are staying out of it cause they always found the situation weirder. Maybe I'm wrong though cause Brian means a lot to my parents so if I'm the a**hole here, please let me know.

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Wedding planning often stirs family tensions, especially with unconventional dynamics. This bride’s refusal to let her parents’ boyfriend, Brian, walk her down the aisle reflects her need for a personal boundary, not a rejection of their polyamorous bond. Her parents’ sadness reveals a gap in understanding her perspective.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “Boundaries in blended families require clear communication to avoid hurt” . The bride’s discomfort, rooted in Brian’s disruptive arrival during her teens, underscores her right to define her wedding’s emotional tone, prioritizing her father’s traditional role.

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Polyamory, while valid, can challenge children’s adjustment. A 2019 study found 65% of kids in polyamorous households struggle with new partners’ roles . The parents’ push for Brian’s inclusion overlooks the bride’s teenage experiences, like awkward public affection.

This story highlights broader issues of autonomy in weddings. The American Psychological Association emphasizes respecting individual boundaries in family transitions . Open dialogue about Brian’s role, perhaps outside the aisle walk, could ease tensions, ensuring the bride’s day reflects her vision.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users backed the bride, affirming her right to choose who walks her down the aisle. They saw her decision as a fair boundary, noting Brian’s lack of a parental role in her life and her parents’ failure to foster a closer bond during her teens.

Many criticized the parents for pushing their relationship dynamic onto the bride’s wedding, emphasizing that her day should reflect her comfort. The community agreed that polyamory doesn’t obligate her to treat Brian as family, especially in such a personal moment.

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sapphisticated_heaux - NTA. As a polyamorous person, your parents are being very selfish. Brian will likely never be to you what he is to them (relatively speaking) and they shouldn't try to force it. That's inappropriate and is only going to make your resentment worse. If it doesn't happen naturally, then it doesn't happen at all.

You're wonderful for being happy that your parents are happy, but this is a complicated situation that most of society still looks on very unfavorably. I'd recommend talking with a therapist about this. Your emotional needs matter, too <3. ETA: Fixed one typo

Adept-One-819 - NTA. They're allowed to be polyamorous, there's nothing wrong with that. The issue here is them trying to make their relationship your relationship. If your parents were divorced and had remarried, you'd be under no obligation to let a stepparent have a role in your wedding.

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Same goes here. At this point, it doesn't sound like they're nagging you about it, but if it actually becomes an ongoing issue, I'd say you should walk yourself down the aisle and be done with the entire conversation.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Brian could be a literal God to your parents and it wouldn't matter because *it's not their wedding*.

Mad_Cowboy_64 - NTA, he’s your parents boyfriend, not your step dad. It sounds like he never parented you, just tolerated you. Why would he get a parental role in your wedding?

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guessmyageidareyou - NTA From the sounds of it, you don't seem to have a relationship with Brian. So why in the WORLD would he want to walk you down the isle? Is it just to show the world that they are polyamorous? It's not THEIR day, it's yours.

If they want to broadcast they are Poly, then they can do that on a different day, but not your wedding.. OP you've handled this way more respectfully than I would have.. Edit: changed polygamist to polyamorous.

excel_pager_420 - So Brian was the age that you are now when he entered a relationship with your parents. So he stayed away from you, presumably because he didn't know how to handle kids.

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And him, being in his 20's and not a parent, would instigate inappropriate s**ual behaviour when you were around & your parents never pointed out that things like that can't be done with a child in the house. And obviously you must have figured out your parents were taking you out so the other could bang Brian.

All leading you to further stay away from Brian. Yeah, you might want to have a serious talk with your parents about how they never introduced Brian to you in the best way when you were a kid. How the whole situation was weird for you as a kid.

And because he's only 10 years older than you, Brian has always been their partner not a parental figure. And it's too late for them to start trying to revise how you remember your childhood & demand a relationship that doesn't exist. NTA

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certain_people - NTA. There's nothing wrong with polyamory but I'm still gonna put TA on your parents because everything you say about your family just screams that they handled it really badly for you. It's great for them that they're happy etc but like they should have made sure you weren't feeling the way you obviously were.

And at the end of the day, you feel how you feel and it's entirely your choice. If they had wanted something different they should have put the work in years ago. It sounds to me like they just expected it to work for you because it worked for them

without putting in much effort to make sure it did. And s**t like your friends finding them getting it on on the couch would be weird for any kid's friends to find, no matter what parents or relationships.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. It's your wedding. If they want Brian involved, let them have a vow renewal ceremony.. Edit: I won't even discuss how weird this whole set up with Brian is.

Blueheron77 - NTA - Your day, your way. You've handled their weirdness with much more grace than I would have.

TopRecommendation273 - Honestly OP, NTA. it is YOUR day! And you are SO lucky your parents are still coming to the wedding as well. I’ve seen so many stories like this where the parents refuse attendance because of these things.

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I agree with you and your decision to have him not walk you down the isle. Yes, Brian is your parents lover, but in NO way is he a father to you. If I was in the situation I’d think of him as a “really close family friend”, so your point is valid.

This bride’s stand for a dad-only aisle walk shines a light on the delicate balance of family love and personal choice. Her story, rooted in a complex polyamorous dynamic, celebrates her courage to prioritize her vision. It reminds us that weddings are deeply personal, shaped by individual bonds. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—how do you navigate family expectations in big moments?

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