AITA for refusing to let my in-laws use my car?

Picture a young woman, keys jingling in hand, finally reclaiming the driver’s seat after a nerve-racking car accident. Her modest sedan, a symbol of hard-won independence, hums softly in the driveway. But there’s a catch: her in-laws, with their shiny new car and a knack for favoritism, keep eyeing her vehicle like it’s a communal taxi. What starts as a personal triumph turns into a tug-of-war over boundaries, fairness, and family drama.

This Reddit saga pulls us into the frustration of a 26-year-old woman caught in a cycle of in-law expectations. Her rules—no kid pickups, no backup car duty—are clear, yet her resolve wavers under pressure. Readers can feel her exasperation: why should she share when they left her stranded? Let’s peel back the layers of this automotive standoff with a smirk and a nod to her struggle.

AITA for refusing to let my in-laws use my car?’

I (26F) have an okay car at the moment, not the car I wanted but it gets me where I need to go. For context, I totaled my last car(long story) and was too scared to drive for a while. In-laws got a new car around this time. After a few months had passed, I had finally grown confident enough to try again, so I would ask my mother in-law if I could start driving myself places.

Every time I asked she would always tell me that I can’t because I wasn’t on the insurance. Fast forward a few months, my sis in-law messed up her car somehow & my mother in-law was letting her drive their car. Eventually I find out from my father in-law that my sis in-law isn’t on the insurance either so he doesn’t know why she won’t let me drive.

It became a constant argument on why she’s allowed to drive but not me. As soon as I got my car, I decided to lay down some rules based off the situation surrounding their car: 1) I’m not taking sis in-laws’ kids anywhere or picking them up bc they leave trash in mother in-laws car & 2) my car is not a backup vehicle. If something happens to y’all’s car, you’ll have to figure something out. Nothing too crazy right??

Fast forward a few months & sister in-law messed up her car again so now they’re sharing one car. Except every time sis in-law takes their car they turn around and ask me to use mine. When I’d say no because rule #2 they’d get mad and say “well we need you to help us out”.

So my reaction would be “well I needed help too & had to fight yall for months to get it” & then I’d end up letting happen anyways because my backbone don’t exist. At one point, my husband had to have a convo with his dad because he thought it would be cool to go pick up one of the kids from school when he only asked me to take my car to the store.

Mind you, his dad knew I wasn’t okay with that. After getting my car out of the shop from an accident & spending way to much money taking lyft to work everyday, my mother in-law was stressing about how she would get to work because my father in-law also needed to use their car to get to work. I tell her, “you know uber & lyft are a thing right?? yall didn’t offer to take me to work so…..”

Family dynamics can turn a simple car loan into a battleground of resentment. The OP’s frustration stems from a clear double standard: her sister-in-law gets help, but she’s left to fend for herself. Her in-laws’ pressure to share her car, despite her explicit rules, signals a lack of respect for her boundaries.

Dr. Susan Forward, author of Toxic In-Laws, writes, “When you set boundaries, you’re not being selfish—you’re protecting your well-being.” The OP’s rules were a direct response to feeling sidelined, yet her in-laws’ persistence shows they view her as an extension of their resources. This mirrors a 2020 study in the Journal of Family Psychology, which found that unequal treatment in families often fuels conflict and erodes trust.

The broader issue here is boundary-setting in blended families. The OP’s struggle reflects a common challenge: asserting autonomy when family expects compliance. Her caving under pressure suggests a need for stronger communication skills. Dr. Forward advises calmly restating boundaries and involving her husband to present a united front.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t mince words, dishing out a mix of sympathy and tough love. From questioning the family’s driving skills to urging the OP to grow a spine, the comments are a lively debate. Here’s the community’s take:

StrictShelter971 − Let me get this straight. So you have car problems and your family won't help you. Yet your family has car problems they expect you to help them , and you do! Where's your spine?

dauphineep − NTA. But do you live with these people? If not, why are you even answering their calls. And if you do live with them, work more and get out of the house so that 1. You have more money saved up to move out and 2. You’re not home for them to use your car.

geekylace − **They’re not on the insurance. End of discussion.**. NTA

No_Skirt4289 − I’m not sure who the AH is here. But holy moly, the number of car accidents that all the cars have been in, I don’t think I’d be lending my car to anyone in this story.

RemoteTax6978 − Can any of you even drive without

HorseygirlWH − Do you live with them? If so, do you pay rent? If not, you should lend them your car. If you don't live with them, they can either 1. buy another car 2. rent a car 3. use uber/lyft 4. use public transportation. You do need to grow a backbone and tell them they can't use your car and hubby needs to say the same. You'd be NTA if you don't want to lend them a car.

pixie-ann − Why do you all keep “messing up” your cars? Do none of you know how to drive properly?. Why are you so enmeshed in each other’s lives? Do you all live together?. Is there no public transport or school buses where you live? Where is your husband in all of this? Why couldn’t you use his car when necessary instead of MIL’s car?

GeneConscious5484 − Bro there's a new car crash every paragraph, ESH

Apart-Scene-9059 − Info: Is sister in law their daughter?

inplightmovie − You certainly don’t have to let them use your car, but do you not understand why they were hesitant to let you use theirs at the time? You had totaled a car and were admittedly scared to start driving again. They didn’t want you practicing driving again on their car, the insurance thing was probably an excuse. All that being said, you have no obligation whatsoever to let them use your car. But I think you’re having hurt feelings over the wrong things.

These Reddit gems spark a question: are they right to call out the OP’s wavering resolve, or are her in-laws the real boundary-busters?

This car conundrum shows how quickly family favors can spark resentment. The OP’s fight to protect her hard-earned car is a stand for fairness, but caving to pressure keeps her stuck. Was she wrong to draw a line, or are her in-laws overstepping? One thing’s certain: clear boundaries could steer this drama off the road. Have you ever had to say no to family demands? Drop your story below and let’s hash it out!

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