AITA for refusing to let my husband take our 6 weeks old daughter to see his mom who lives 4hrs away?

A new mom stands at a crossroads, clutching her 6-week-old daughter’s tiny hand, as family drama simmers in the background. In a cozy nursery, bathed in soft morning light, she faces a demand that feels like a tug-of-war over her newborn. Her mother-in-law, living 4 hours away, insists on meeting the baby—without her. The young mother’s heart races with unease, her protective instincts flaring. Is she right to hold her ground, or is this a family bridge worth crossing?

This Reddit tale, plucked from the AITA subreddit, captures the raw tension of new parenthood colliding with in-law expectations. It’s a story of boundaries, love, and the fierce instinct to protect a tiny life. Readers can’t help but wonder: how far would you go to keep your family close, and what happens when “close” feels too far?

‘AITA for refusing to let my husband take our 6 weeks old daughter to see his mom who lives 4hrs away?’

I'm going to start this by saying that I (f23) never been on good terms with my husband's (m27) mom. She first and foremost never approved of me as a wife and daughter in law. We didn't fight we just kept our distance and things got a lot more peaceful when my husband and I moved away.

Once she heard I was pregnant, she still kept her distance but sent stuff and gifts saying she was intending on having a relationship with her granddaughter. I had no issues with it, in fact I supported this decision and thought maybe my daughter will help soothe things between me and her grandma.

My daughter is 6 weeks old. Her grandma already saw her via video calls but lately, she has been pressuring my husband to bring our daughter to her. She lives 4hrs away and she told him she didn't want me to come along. My initial response was no because at this age my daughter can not go anywhere without me.

My husband tried to argue saying if it's about feeding then he'll get formula but I told him it's not about that. He got mad at me and said that I'm being unreasonable to keep our daughter away from her grandma. I told him our daughter is still too young to travel, He asked me to explain how many 'years' his mom has to wait and then said it was no huge deal but I'm making it that way.

I said that his mom is the one making this a huge deal by telling me to not come and let my daughter go alone. He laughed sarcastically and said that he's the other parent and so I shouldn't feel like she's going alone. I don't know I just felt uneasy being hours away from my daughter for an entire weekend. He told me I was being overly possesive and paranoid.

We had an argument and I refused to let him take her. He got more angry and called his family who tried to get me to agree to this but I kept refusing. AITA for refusing and rejecting the whole idea? My inlaws kept saying that my mother inlaw is just being respectful of the boundaries I've established and is keeing the distance we agreed to keep.

Navigating family dynamics with a newborn can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. This new mom’s refusal to let her 6-week-old travel 4 hours without her sparks a clash of priorities. Her husband sees it as a simple visit to grandma; she sees it as a breach of her maternal instincts. The mother-in-law’s exclusion of the OP adds a layer of disrespect, signaling a power play rather than a warm family reunion.

The core issue here is boundaries—or the lack thereof. The mother-in-law’s request to exclude the OP suggests a deliberate attempt to sideline her, which can erode trust. Meanwhile, the husband’s dismissal of his wife’s concerns shows a lack of partnership. According to a 2023 Psychology Today article, “Healthy boundaries in families foster respect and mutual support, especially during vulnerable times like early parenthood.”

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Partners who validate each other’s emotions build stronger trust” . Here, the husband’s sarcasm and anger dismiss the OP’s valid fears, weakening their bond. The OP’s protectiveness is rooted in biology—new mothers often experience heightened anxiety due to hormonal shifts, a natural response to ensure infant safety.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating in-law relationships while establishing a new family unit. A 2021 study from Family Psychology found that 60% of new parents report in-law conflicts impacting their marriage. The solution? Open communication and firm boundaries. The OP should calmly explain her need to stay close to her daughter, perhaps suggesting the mother-in-law visit instead. Couples counseling can also help the husband prioritize his wife’s role. Respecting the OP’s instincts while fostering family ties is key.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for this family saga. Their takes are raw, relatable, and occasionally hilarious:

PlentyCarob8812 − NTA. I have a six week old and I would never agree to this.. Why can’t she come visit you? And her telling your husband you can’t come is ridiculous. Because of that alone, she wouldn’t be seeing my baby.

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thefiercestcalm − Babies that small should never be in the car seat that long. Two hours max, and I would only do that in a severe emergency, like an approaching hurricane.. ETA: [source], also NTA.. Holy wow, thanks for the awards! OP we are all pulling for you.

Kettrickenisabadass − NTA. In which universe is a man ok with his mother excluding his wife and the mother of his child? Your partner is a massive a**hole, sorry.

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BriefHorror − NTA you have a husband problem the fact that he doesn't see his mother's request as a giant red flag should be your indication that he is putting her first. Definitely ask him why her feelings about you should come before his wife's feelings about being separated from your newborn. Also why can't his mom come visit. Will you be forced out of every visit? Why would your husband stand for this treatment of his wife?

MoniHaavi − NTA - She is a 6 weeks old baby, not a toy. So your husband expects to drive 4 hrs while she sleeps in the car or how? Not gonna happen. Also, you are the mom, you have your instincts.

Solala22 − I have no words. What an a**hole grandma! NTA for sure!. But INFO: for how long would your husband want to stay away from you? Do you breastfeed? Because 'buying formula' might be easy. But making a breastfed baby drink it in a sufficient amount is a totally different thing. In my case: impossible (two times!).

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Plus: was your baby away from you for a certain amount of time already? Did your husband care for her alone for more than an hour? Did she travel by car for more than an hour already? How the f**k does he think is a 4hrs drive gonna be, alone with a newborn who misses her mom?

No matter what the answers are: for me that would be a no-no. Either you go with them or grandma travels and visits you. If she wants any kind of relationship with her granddaughter, she should suck it up and get along with you.. Edit: spelling and formatting

Colorless82 − Nta! Husbands don't get it! I can't let my babies (under 2 at least) to go out alone with my husband or anyone even locally never mind 4 hours away! It must be mothers instinct or bonding or something where we can't be apart. She'll have to make a choice, visits with you or no visits.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, but your husband sure is TA. Who tries to separate an infant from her mom? This is the bonding period, getting into a schedule, etc. No way.

[Reddit User] − NTA.. You don't have a MIL problem. You have a marriage problem (and a bad father problem).

enonymousCanadian − If you go an entire weekend without breastfeeding your milk may dry up. Pumping is an absolute nightmare and baby might not take a bottle!

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These Redditors rallied behind the OP, slamming the mother-in-law’s exclusion and the husband’s lack of backbone. Some questioned the logistics of a newborn’s 4-hour car ride, while others cheered the OP’s mama-bear instincts. But do these fiery opinions capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This tale of a new mom’s stand against her in-laws’ demands highlights the delicate dance of family, trust, and new parenthood. The OP’s refusal to let her newborn travel far without her isn’t just about distance—it’s about asserting her role in a family that seems to sideline her. Balancing respect for in-laws with a mother’s instincts is no easy feat, but it’s a universal struggle many face. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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