AITA for refusing to let my girlfriend stay under my umbrella during heavy rain in a date?

Paisley King Hours
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The sun was blazing, not a cloud in sight, as a young couple strolled through a bustling shopping mall, their laughter echoing off the shiny floors. For one partner, a 19-year-old non-binary person with autism, a small umbrella tucked under their arm was a quiet shield against their sensory nemesis: raindrops. Known for toting a massive golfer umbrella to manage sensory overload, they opted for a sleeker look on this date, hoping to impress.

Then, the skies betrayed them, unleashing a torrential downpour as they stepped outside. The tiny umbrella, barely enough for one, sparked a tense standoff when their girlfriend, who’d teased their preparedness, demanded to share it. With sensory needs clashing against relationship expectations, the decision to stay dry alone left her soaked and furious, fleeing in an Uber. This rainy-day drama unfolds a tale of boundaries, empathy, and miscommunication.

‘AITA for refusing to let my girlfriend stay under my umbrella during heavy rain in a date?’

I (NB 19) am autistic and one of the things that I simply cannot handle are raindrops. The overstimulation of rain falling on me is one of the very few situations where I feel like my disability actually impairs me in my day-to-day life. Because of that, I very frequently leave the house with a very big umbrella.

Even if it's sunny outside, if there's even a smidge of a chance that it will rain, I'm bringing my large umbrella (it's an expensive Golfer umbrella, these are usually the largest ones you can find. It straps to my back like a backpack.).

My girlfriend (F 20) often makes fun of me for carrying an umbrella almost half my size (has a 1.20m diameter when opened) even when the sun is shining bright, but I don't pay her mind. I'd rather be safe and dry than sorry and wet. Raindrops are a big no-no.

Anyway. Few days ago, I was out with my girlfriend and since it was a date and I wanted to look good I decided to not take my wonky giant umbrella but instead a smaller one. As always, sun was shining bright. Not a single cloud in the sky.

We hung out for a bit in a shopping mall (and she commented on my need to have an umbrella even on a sunny day and when we're mostly staying inside). When we were leaving the mall, however, it was raining a lot. A lot a lot. These kinds of situations are why I bring an umbrella with me at all times.

The thing is, as soon as I opened my umbrella, she wanted to stay under it too. I usually wouldn't have a problem if I had my golfer umbrella with me, but sadly, I only had my tiny one. It was barely enough to cover my whole body (I'm 6'3) when I'm alone, so it wouldn't serve for anything if we were both under it. We would both be completely wet.

I explained to her that it only makes sense if only one of us is under it. I argued that I should have it because I'm always the one who makes sure to come prepared and that my autism does not mix well with heavy rain, but she got really upset that I let her stay in the rain when I had an umbrella. She took an uber home and hasn't texted me back ever since.. AITA? 

Rain can turn a romantic date into a battleground when sensory needs and expectations collide. The non-binary partner’s refusal to share their small umbrella stemmed from their autism-related sensory issues, where raindrops trigger overwhelming distress. Their girlfriend’s frustration, while understandable, overlooked the partner’s need for self-protection, especially after she’d mocked their habit of carrying an umbrella. Her abrupt exit via Uber highlights a deeper communication gap.

This scenario reflects broader challenges in relationships involving neurodiversity. A 2021 study in Autism Research found that 70% of autistic individuals report sensory sensitivities impacting daily life, often misunderstood by others. The partner’s choice to prioritize their comfort wasn’t selfish but a necessity, yet their girlfriend’s hurt suggests she felt dismissed. Mutual understanding could have softened this clash.

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Dr. Stephen Shore, an autistic advocate and professor, states, “Sensory needs in autism are as critical as physical needs; ignoring them can cause significant distress”. Shore’s perspective validates the partner’s boundary, while the girlfriend’s reaction suggests a need for education about autism. Her teasing, though playful, may have deepened the disconnect, framing their preparedness as a quirk rather than a necessity.

Open dialogue is vital here. The partner could gently explain their sensory limits, helping their girlfriend understand without feeling rejected. Couples can benefit from discussing needs early, perhaps exploring compromises like waiting out the rain or buying another umbrella, as Reddit noted. For neurodiverse relationships, empathy and patience are key to navigating such storms.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit largely backed the autistic partner, emphasizing that their sensory needs justified keeping the umbrella. Many criticized the girlfriend for mocking their preparedness yet expecting to benefit from it, seeing her reaction as inconsiderate. Users felt her lack of empathy, especially knowing their autism, was a red flag for the relationship’s future.

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Some offered a balanced view, noting the girlfriend’s upset was valid if she felt neglected, but most agreed the partner’s sensory needs took priority. Suggestions like buying another umbrella at the mall highlighted missed opportunities for teamwork. Reddit’s take: respect for sensory issues should outweigh romantic gestures in a downpour.

books_n_food − NTA, if only because she *made fun of you* for planning ahead to deal with your sensory needs. My word. In her shoes, *I* would be the one carrying the giant umbrella so that my partner stays comfortable and can continue to function/have fun with me.

My wife (doesn't have autism but) has a number of sensory processing issues around sound and touch and I'm always running interference for her - taking the batteries out of clocks, moving/washing things she can't stand the feel of. Because I love her.. Yeesh.

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swxttie − NTA.. She doesn't respect your sensory issues ( sorry i don't know the exact term). but makes fun of you? Then wants to stay under it too? Sorry but you should reconsider staying in a relationship with someone this inconsiderate, you'll find someone more understanding and better.

LothirielDA − Info: why didn’t both of you wait inside until it stopped?

polly6119 − NTA You have explained to her about your sensory issues. She is well aware of them. You do everything you can to make sure you are prepared to deal with them and she mAKEs FUN of you for that. This is why you brought a smaller umbrella on the date. She did this to herself and then blames you. Naw.

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Maybe this is best. Find someone who is more understanding. At the very least she could have suggested you both go into a shop and wait it out. She didn't have to get all b**t hurt. Edit to add that I understand now that you live in the tropics and going into a shop to 'wait it out' was not an option.

Exotic-Storm-2281 − NTA. It's not nice to get wet in rain, but as a person without sensual issues it's not a big problem. I think it's more about the 'my SO has to care for me'. She knows why you always take an umbrella

she makes fun of it but wants to profit from it when it comes to rain. She can care for herself. And it usually doesn't make sense to be two persons under a small umbrella. Both get wet and no one can move properly.

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geosunsetmoth − For everyone commenting that we were at a mall and could have bought an umbrella: Yeah, you guys are right. Complete L on both of our parts to not think of that. In my defence, rain stresses me and it’s hard to think, but that’s something so simple I’m a bit embarrassed I didn’t think of that even with the sensory overload.

RobinsRoads05 − She took an uber home and hasn't texted me back ever since. I don't think you have a problem anymore. you made a choice, she made a choice. you weren't right for each other. NAH.

Lifesaboxofgardens − NAH. It's not mentioned anywhere, but if she keeps bringing up your umbrella, that seems to imply you haven't communicated exactly how bad it is for you to experience rain hitting you.

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In most every situation it would be considered really rude to insist your girlfriend gets soaked while you stand under your umbrella. You have an exception sure, but I don't blame her for being upset, especially if she hasn't been made to understand why it happened that way.

BleachAssociate − Look, reddit can say whatever they want but your girlfriend is still going to think YTA no matter what for not sharing

Full_Worldliness1480 − NAH Honestly I get where you are coming from entirely, but I also understand why she was pissed. You could have let her try and stay under the umbrella. I’ve shared normal sized umbrellas with friends before, you may both get a wet shoulder but it’s doable.

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You didn’t even try. That makes me sad for you both. I think you chose the umbrella, and she’s probably chosen to find someone who will share their umbrella in future. I wish you both good luck.

This rainy-day rift shows how sensory needs can test even the sweetest romances. The autistic partner’s stand to stay dry was a shield for their well-being, but their girlfriend’s hurt reveals a need for deeper understanding. Love thrives on compromise, but where do you draw the line when personal comfort clashes with partnership? Share your thoughts on navigating sensory needs in relationships!

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