AITA for refusing to let my ex-BF meet my child?

Five years after a painful breakup marked by betrayal and loss, a 37-year-old mother faced a startling demand from her ex-boyfriend: to meet the son he didn’t know existed. Having endured his cruel words and three miscarriages, she built a new life with her healthy son, adopted by her husband. But when her ex’s mother spotted the boy’s striking resemblance, he resurfaced, claiming a father’s role while publicly accusing her of secrecy. Her firm refusal unleashed a storm of online shaming.

This isn’t just a co-parenting clash; it’s a gripping tale of resilience, family boundaries, and past wounds. With Reddit rallying behind her, the mother’s left questioning her stand. Step into this emotional saga and decide: was her refusal justified, or should she open the door?

‘AITA for refusing to let my ex-BF meet my child?’

I (37F) have a wonderful son (5M), It was hard for me to get pregnant because of some issues I had (Retroverted uterus and other pathologies) before my son I had 3 miscarriages.. For context: I met my ex-BF when I was 22, we wanted to have a family

and as we were in love we started trying (We never married) so we spent almost 10 years trying because of my conditions I had 3 miscarriages. We tried hard over and over again, I felt bad and frustrated we went to counselling because we wanted to be together

but there was an important missing piece, after my third miscarriage he started seeing a co-worker, I looked the other way because I felt somehow guilty, my self-esteem was low because I could get pregnant but not give birth.

One day I was sick of it because he didn’t even try to hide it so I confronted him because I felt disrespected, he confessed that he fell in love with this woman and was leaving me because I “wasn’t a real woman who can properly bear a child” that was hard to hear, I got deeply depressed

but had to move on, he moved to another city with his mistress (they married and have 2 daughters). Two months after he left, I found out I was pregnant again (4 months) I didn’t tell anyone because my pregnancies didn’t usually last longer than 5 months (I was sure I was going to miss it).

His family used to be so rude and made mean comments about me losing my babies. Everything went perfect and my boy was born safe and sound, I told his family about the baby because I thought it was the right thing to do but his mom said that.

ADVERTISEMENT

“Not even I am sure who the father is” so I decide I had enough from that family and as money wasn’t a problem I moved on. I met my husband we moved out and he acknowledged my son, we welcomed our daughter last year (Yeah I could give birth for the second and last time).

Last December I returned to my hometown to see my mother and as she and my ex’s mom are neighbours she got to see my son, her face went white since my son looks just like hers at the same age, Ex called to ask me about my child stating that. He didn’t know (I don’t buy it, his parents and siblings knew) about him

ADVERTISEMENT

and he wants to be his father now but I told him that he is 5 years late and my son has a real dad and doesn’t need him to f\*ck\*d his life up (Once he is older he can decide) he  and his mom have called me TA and been posting on how I “kept him from his child and how I refuse to let him in”, so AITA here?

Edit: Guys sorry english isn't my mother language and I didn't know that 'to acknowledge' wasn't used to describe this legal process. The father on my son's birth certificate is listed as UNKNOWN because I needed his personal documentation (ID, father's birth certificate) but for obvious reasons, I didn't have them so I had to do it by myself..

ADVERTISEMENT

My husband legally adopted my child at the age of two. He never contacted me before, this was the first time. I sent e-mails to his family letting them know since that was the only way I had to reach out to him..

Protecting a child’s stability is paramount, and this Reddit user’s refusal to let her ex-boyfriend meet their 5-year-old son is a stand rooted in his toxic past behavior. His abandonment, cruel remarks about her fertility, and lack of contact for five years—despite her attempts to inform his family—nullify his claim to sudden fatherhood. The child, legally adopted by her husband, has a secure family, and introducing a potentially disruptive figure risks emotional harm. The ex’s public shaming via social media further reveals his manipulative intent.

Co-parenting disputes often hinge on trust. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 65% of children in blended families thrive best with consistent caregivers, not sporadic biological ties. The ex’s absence during the pregnancy and early years, coupled with his family’s hostility, supports her decision to prioritize her son’s well-being.

Family law expert Susan Myres advises, “Biological ties don’t guarantee parental rights, especially post-adoption”. Consulting a family lawyer, as some Redditors suggested, can safeguard her son’s legal status. For readers, documenting attempts to notify absent parents protects against future claims.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit dove into this family feud with fierce support, serving up shade for the ex’s audacity and praise for the mother’s strength. Here’s what the community had to say about this paternity clash:

superfatman1991 - NTA. He took off and got with someone else, while his family treated you like trash and denied that he could be the father. S**ew that guy and his family. He made his bed, now he has to lay in it.

pezze345 - NTA. He left you with no way to contact him directly. You told his family and they dismissed you. Now when the child is five and looks like the father, they all care now. Please protect your child from him and his family. I agree with letting your son decide when he is older.

ADVERTISEMENT

Unusual_Strength_83 - NTA all the people saying y.t.a are completely unaware of the fact that he left you for another women and after 5 years now wants to be in your life after treating you like dirt. Absolutely not and to be honest I highly doubt your son will get the same treatment from his bio dads family as his half siblings.

I'm so sorry you had to live through that and I hope things with your family go well without baby daddy. I don't believe he didn't know and to be honest he cut you out 1000% he doesn't get to come back now.

MHGresearchacct228 - NTA. This comment section seems to be glossing over the fact that he left OP because she “wasn’t a real woman who could bear children” after ten years. There is zero chance his family didn’t tell him OP was pregnant/had a kid,  and that they suspected it was someone else’s. Now that there is “proof” he wants to come skulking back. F**k that. This kid has a dad who’s been there.. Good for you OP.

ADVERTISEMENT

Puzzleheaded-One-198 - NTA. But make sure you have a good lawyer

CelticArche - NTA. He left and cut contact. You tried to tell him. Either his family didn't believe you or they told him and he didn't care or believe you at the time. He could have done something back then, like ask for a paternity test. It didn't happen.

He probably only wants the kid now because it's a boy. Let him go through the courts, so that uninvolved individuals can make the choice. Make sure a child psychologist won't see it as interfering in your son's mental and emotional development first.

ADVERTISEMENT

iadggm - OP, I think I would invest in a consult with the best family attorney I could afford. Make a list of questions that you want answers to. Honestly I would not argue that you had no way to contact bio dad because if you wanted him for child support,

I am betting you could have found him through his mom, siblings, or friends. I think you were betrayed and hurt because who wouldn’t be? However, can bio dad argue he has any rights? Has your husband adopted your son? Can bio dad contest it?

At some point you will need to find a way to explain to your child in a way he can understand. You can follow up with more details as he gets older, but you must tell him because some friend or family member will say something.

ADVERTISEMENT

Escape_Overlander - His family dismissed the child saying he's too illegitimate for them to acknowledge, the bio dad is toxic and emotionally abusive. Really would avoid them and block them all an say the child was fathered by a different man so they hopefully leave you alone unless they take legal action. Bio dad is toxic and needs to stay away if possible. They don't get to force their way into your life now it's convenient for them. NTA

PeteyPorkchops - NTA. You can only try so much before it’s beating a dead horse. You the then a chance and they made it seem like it was no way it was the guys. So that’s their loss. Don’t let them in after this long when they threw away the first chance you gave them.

[Reddit User] - NTA. My wife and I struggled for YEARS to keep a baby. She could get pregnant, but couldn't *stay* pregnant, for whatever reason. We went through a painful bunch of 5 miscarriages. Not a single one of those times did I even think to consider seeing someone else, nor did I ever think it was her fault.

ADVERTISEMENT

You tried to inform him after he cut contact via his family that he has a kid now but they refused to believe you. That's their fault and problem, not yours. In my personal opinion, letting someone as despicable as your ex into your sons life simply because he donated sperm just doesn't seem like a good idea.

At this point, your doing the right thing by putting your boy first and I applaud you. I'd also like to mention, we have a baby boy of our own now! He's a beautiful, healthy and *very* happy 5 month old and is loved so, so very much and it makes my heart happy you were able to have not just one but two children.

These fiery takes champion the mother’s boundary-setting, but do they miss the complexity of her ex’s perspective? Reddit’s clear: protect the child first!

ADVERTISEMENT

This saga of a mother shielding her son from a resurfaced ex lays bare the raw stakes of family loyalty and past betrayals. The Reddit user’s refusal to let her toxic ex-boyfriend disrupt her son’s stable life was a bold stand, but his public accusations stir doubts about her choice. As she guards her family’s peace, the question lingers: was her hard line the right call, or could she have handled it differently? What would you do when a ghost from the past demands a role in your child’s future? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *