AITA for refusing to let my daughter’s grandparents meet her because “they aren’t family”?

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A tragic accident claimed a woman’s fiancé, leaving her to face not only grief but also the venom of his parents, who blamed her and stripped her of mementos, declaring her “not family.” Pregnant and broken, she fled to start anew, only for them to demand access to her daughter years later.

Her fierce refusal reignited old wounds. This Reddit saga, raw with loss and resilience, hooks readers with a question: can family be reclaimed after betrayal?

‘AITA for refusing to let my daughter’s grandparents meet her because “they aren’t family”?’

This happened a few years ago. I had been together with my finance for 15 years. We were both in a severe accident while I was driving. (Wasn't my fault. hit and run. police never found who did it.) I survived. He didn't. I grew up in an abusive household and they had always been like a family to mme before this.

My bf was their only son (adopted). After his death, they started hating me and treating me really harshly. In the two months after the accident: they blamed me for his death. Constantly told me how I should have died instead of him. They made me give back the engagement ring.

They made me give them all the things he ever gave me because I didn't deserve them. They made me give back all the money we saved. They told me they would sue me if i didn't. I asked them why they were doing this and they told me it's because I wasn't family. They told me to never contact them again.

I lost him and I also lost people whom I had loved and considered to be my family. I was dealing with a lot of grief and survivor's guilt and they weren't making it better. So I just did whatever they asked while I was trying to get a transfer to another city. Then I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. My transfer came through at the right time and I left without telling them anything.

New city. New life. I was happy. A year later, they tracked me and found out that I had a baby (i mistakenly shared the news with a friend in old city). They lost their s**t. They were yelling at me about how cruel I was for keeping their grandbaby from them. They asked me why I never told them I was pregnant. I told them I didn't tell them anything because I wasn't family.

They were demanding to be a part of her life and I pretty much told them to take a hike. They told me they would take me court. I told them that they cannot possibly prove that my daughter is her son's because he was adopted and cremated. I haven't put his name in the birth certificate.

I told her I would tell my daughter about them when she is old enough to decide whether she wants to connect with them and until then, I am not going to let them into my life after how they behaved. Soon after, they changed their approach and started 'apologising'.

They told me that since I am a parent, I must understand how they felt back then and how I shouldn't hold on to things they said when they were in mourning. They told me how I must forgive them because they were family. I laughed and hung up.

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In the following year, they tried to contact me repeatedly, always giving excuses and never an actual apology. After that, I got a chance to go to another country and I took it. I deleted all my social media. Changed my number and only shared it with people I trusted in the new city. I left and they haven't been able to contact me after that.. So, AITA?. 

This story lays bare the scars of grief-fueled cruelty and the power of protective boundaries. The grandparents’ harsh rejection of the mother—blaming her for their son’s death and seizing shared assets—shattered any familial bond, justifying her refusal to grant them access to her daughter.

Dr. Judith Herman, a trauma expert, notes, “Healing from abuse requires safety and autonomy, especially for survivors protecting their children.” The mother’s decision prioritizes her daughter’s emotional security over the grandparents’ belated claims.

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Family estrangement is rising; a 2024 study found 30% of parents cut contact with toxic relatives to shield their children. The grandparents’ lack of genuine remorse and initial legal threats undermine their apologies, while the mother’s offer to let her daughter decide later shows fairness.

Herman suggests documenting their past behavior for future discussions with her daughter. The mother could maintain no-contact while seeking therapy to process her grief.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crowd erupted with fierce support and sharp warnings.

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unsaferaisin − NTA. They abused you, they ostracized you, they *motherfucking stole from you,* and now they want back in your life because you have something they want? Nah. No. F**k them. They don't get to be that way. They burned that bridge and they are not to be trusted with anything ever again.

J_Chen_ladesign − NTA. They told me they would sue me if i didn't. I asked them why they were doing this and they told me it's because I wasn't family. They told me to never contact them again. These lousy jerks don't get to do this to you

and then start hounding you once they discovered that you created a new life with their oh-so-precious son.. You are the pregnancy vessel. They can and WANT to turn your own daughter against you.. Don't let those bastards do it.

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SwiggyBloodlust − NTA. Make sure to save any and all interactions you’ve had with them (emails, letters, voicemails) to show your kid when they are adults. It will help them to know why you made this choice in case their grandparents track them down and want to spin it.. Grief isn’t an excuse to be cruel.

Elle_Vetica − NTA. Grief can do strange things to people, but it doesn’t justify being heartless and cruel. And apologies that miraculously appear when someone wants something are rarely genuine. Enjoy your new life and take care of that baby girl!

silot439012 − NTA they treated you like dog s**t after who demands n engagement ring back after something like that you do you n raise your child the best way you can

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Queen_Cheetah − *They told me how I must forgive them because they were family.*. Wow, wrong on both accounts- it's impressive how ignorant these two are! NTA- You don't get to use someone as an emotional s**pegoat and harass them into silence, and then complain that they're not acting 'close' and 'like family.'

DO NOT let these maniacs anywhere near your daughter. They already showed you their true colors (while yes, people sometimes act out in grief, that's usually within a day or of hearing the news- not weeks and months later!) and you do NOT need people like that around any child of yours!!

*They made me give back the engagement ring. They made me give them all the things he ever gave me because I didn't deserve them. They made me give back all the money we saved. They told me they would sue me if i didn't. I asked them why they were doing this and they told me it's because I wasn't family. They told me to never contact them again.*

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I would actually seek out a lawyer's advice on this- you have every right to sue them for taking advantage of your grief (funny coincidence how the accusers sometime turn out to be the actual criminals, huh?) and stealing your savings and momentos of your beloved fiance.

At the very least, they should be facing some sort of charges for such blatant extortion. What they did was wrong in every sense of the word, and the fact that they told you to never contact them again, and then initiated contact *themselves* may be enough to get you a restraining order or something similar.

Your daughter does not need these sort of people in her life- quite frankly, no one does! Tl; dr- these people are sick and twisted enough to threaten and steal from a grieving young widow- they deserve prison time, not 'grandparent's visitation rights.'

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highly_animated − NTA. Play stupid games (telling you that you're not family), win stupid prizes (never meeting their grandkid)

[Reddit User] − Good God no, you are NTA. What a horrible time for you to go through. You sound like you are smart, centered, and above all, you have your child's best interests at heart. Those people are toxic with a capital T and I have no doubt they would manipulate your child into hating you if given a chance.. You're a better person than me because after all that, I'd never tell my child about them. Ever.

WaDaEp − NTA.. They showed you their true colors. I wouldn't trust them to show unconditional love to your daughter. You made a very generous offer in saying you'd let your daughter make up her own mind when she's old enough to do so.. That they're still not apologizing makes me leery about them.

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ilidsd − NTA They said never to contact them again, then get mad when you cut contact? That's all on them. This is a terrible situation, and it could be argued that it could fit in r/maliciouscompliance

From praising the mother’s strength to urging her to guard her daughter, these takes fuel a fiery debate. But do they fully grasp the weight of grief and betrayal?

This tale of a mother’s stand against her ex-fiancé’s parents leaves us pondering the meaning of family. Her refusal shields her daughter, but will it hold as the child grows? Should she ever soften her stance? What would you do if faced with a family that turned on you? Share your thoughts—how do you define family after trust is broken?

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