AITA for refusing to let my daughter go on a diet?

The dinner table should be a place of warmth, but for one 14-year-old girl, it’s become a battleground over her body. Her mother, a former fashion model, grimaces at her request for a second slice of pie, nudging her toward a diet she doesn’t need. At 5’7” and 143 pounds, this active teen is healthy, yet her mother’s fixation on thinness casts a shadow, straining their bond and sparking a parental showdown.

This story dives into the heart of family dynamics, where a father’s protective instincts clash with a mother’s skewed standards of beauty. It’s a tale that resonates with anyone who’s felt the sting of judgment about their appearance. Readers will feel the girl’s quiet hurt and the father’s resolve, wondering how far parental influence should go in shaping a teen’s self-image.

‘AITA for refusing to let my daughter go on a diet?’

My wife and I have been married for 17 years and we have a 14 year old daughter. We have 4 other children. Our daughter is a beautiful girl, and she was quite skinny when she was young. But since entering her teenage years she has gained a little weight. She is by no means fat, or even overweight, but just not as skinny as she was when she was a kid.

She’s tall at 170cm (5’7) and weighs 64kg (143 pounds) with BMI of about 22 which is not considered overweight, but my wife is concerned because of her weight gain from when she was 12 to now. She does ballet and gymnastics so she stays active. However my wife is taking a more drastic approach and wants to put her on a diet while she’s home for the summer holidays.

My wife so far has started nudging her to eat “healthier”. Last dinner during supper as my daughter asked for another slice of pie at dessert, my wife made a face and told her “you’ve had enough”. My wife has also told our cook not to make her any desserts or unhealthy fried snacks. She is also working with a dietitian to make a “weight loss plan” for her.

My daughter seems to have noticed her mother’s disapproval and their relationship has become strained. If doesn’t help that my wife keeps mentioning how thin our younger daughter (11) is. I think part of this stems from my wife’s background as a fashion model.

She has been underweight for her entire life, when she was in her teens/earlty twenties she was skeletal. She was 180cm (5’11) and 53 kg (116 lbs) at her lowest weight, now she is a healthier weight but still very thin.

I butted heads with my wife today after she got upset at our daughter for getting ice cream with a friend. She said this was her “4th time this week eating ice cream” and that she needs to “be more serious about eating better.”

I told my wife she is being controlling and making our daughter self conscious. My wife said she needs to “toughen up” and make better choices or else she will end up “fat”. Of course this conversation was not in earshot of our daughter but still, I was shocked at my wife for saying that.

I agreed with encouraging her to make healthier choices but flat out vetoed the idea of putting her on a diet plan with the goal of losing weight. She called me an enabler and accused me of spoiling her.

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This family clash over a teen’s body is a stark reminder of how parental pressure can ripple into dangerous waters. The mother’s push for a diet, driven by her own history as an underweight model, risks planting seeds of self-doubt in her healthy daughter. Eating disorder specialist Dr. Cynthia Bulik, quoted in The New York Times (The New York Times), warns, “Parental comments about weight can trigger disordered eating, especially in adolescence when body image is fragile.” Here, the mother’s remarks and diet plan could harm her daughter’s mental and physical health.

The daughter’s BMI of 22 is within a healthy range, and her ballet and gymnastics suggest a strong, active body. A 2022 study from the Journal of Adolescent Health (ScienceDirect) found that 1 in 4 teens exposed to parental weight criticism develop body dysmorphia or eating disorders. The mother’s comparison to her thinner sibling only heightens this risk, creating a toxic dynamic.

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The father’s veto of the diet is a crucial stand. Dr. Bulik advises parents to “focus on health, not appearance, and model positive eating habits.” He could further support his daughter by discussing body positivity openly and seeking a therapist to address her mother’s influence. Couples counseling might help align the parents’ approach.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crowd came out swinging, delivering a fiery mix of support and warnings that could light up a family therapy session. It’s like a rally for the dad’s cause, with a side of shade for the mom’s mindset. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

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SleuthingSloth009 − NTA Your wife needs to shut up before she gives your daughter an eating disorder. I'd honestly give an ultimatum at this point.

[Reddit User] − NTA NTA NTA!!!! PLEASE DONT LET YOUR WIFE DO THIS SHE IS STEERING YOUR DAUGHTER TOWARDS A LIFELONG UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD. She is literally a teenager. She is supposed to weigh more than she did two years ago. She is growing strong and her body is maturing. OF COURSE SHE WEIGHS MORE.

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Your wife, from her background, probably has her own issues with eating, do not let her pass on her own insecurities to your daughter. Edit: this comment totally blew up, thank you so much! I've never gotten awards before and seeing so many people agree with my comments means a lot to me, seeing as I struggled with food myself :)

Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. Your wife is driving your healthy and athletic daughter towards self esteem issues and a possible eating disorder. Your former fashion model wife is obsessed with being model thin, which more often than not is underweight, which isn't necessarily healthy.

Your daughter is a growing, adolescent dancer and a gymnast, which means that she is not only going through hormonal changes, but as an athlete, her body mass has more muscle, which is heavier on a scale.

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Your wife needs to be less focused on the appearance of thinness and numbers on a scale and more about your daughter's overall health. Have your wife talk to your daughter's doctor and go with their medical advice. You may also want to have your daughter talk to a therapist. Good luck!!!!

PugnaciousTrollButt − NTA. Does your wife want your daughter to develop an eating disorder? Because this is how you develop an eating disorder. I’m not usually one to tell someone to go up against their spouse, but for the health and safety of your daughter, you need to do that.

You need to put a stop to this ASAP and you need to be the one to explain to your daughter that what her mother is doing is not healthy and dangerous. No dietician, no diet, no discussion about your daughter’s eating habits. Encouraging healthy eating is what should be happening but it sounds like your wife doesn’t know what that even is.

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**Therefore, you need to get your daughter’s pediatrician involved and also a family therapist to deal with this dynamic.** Unfortunately it’s not something you alone can solve long term (but being honest with your daughter about her mother’s issues and reassuring her that she’s healthy and strong and ok how she is will help in the interim).

I am sorry you’re in this position. Eating disorders and disordered eating are so damaging and they sometimes do get passed down through generations like this. It’s good you’re recognizing what is going on though.

pats13 − NTA. As 24 year old female, I’ve encountered many women in my life who have struggled with disordered eating. Almost every single one was introduced to their body dysmorphia by an (often well meaning) mother.

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Do with that information what you will, but I’m confident that if your wife doesn’t have a serious shift in perspective, your daughter is in serious danger of going down the same path. I would encourage you to pop over to r/eatingdisorders and see for yourself. There are countless stories over there. Best of luck to you.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your daughter is in no way overweight and does not need to be in a diet. Your wife is going to cause some serious long term issues if she keeps this garbage up.

anathema_deviced − NTA. Your wife has an eating disorder. Good for you for protecting your daughter. Also, any dietician who would put a perfectly healthy young teenager on a weight-loss program should be hounded out of business and lose their certification.

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NHFNCFRE − 1. Contrary to what your wife seems to believe, it's not the worst thing in the world to be 'fat.' Not that your daughter is, but your wife is so concerned over her not becoming fat that she's missing out on the wonderful, beautiful, healthy girl that your daughter is

2. Your wife is well on her way to both alienating your daughter completely as well as creating an easting disorder in your daughter in trying to avoid her becoming 'fat'. 3. Your wife is also going to create a separation between your daughters by favoring the younger one.

Any dietician worth their credentials should be telling your wife that your daughter is actually at a very healthy weight (in my opinion) for an active, athletic girl. Is your daughter's doctor concerned? Is your daughter otherwise concerned about her weight, outside of her mother's very unhealthy perspective based on an extremely dismorphic industry's standard?

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It sounds like counseling may be in order for both your wife and your daughter if they want any hope of a real relationship. Your wife is going to alienate your daughter, it sounds like she's well on her way. NTA.

StifferThanABoner − NTA. I'm going to tell you straight, anorexia isn't just the deadliest eating disorder, it's also the deadliest mental illness full stop. The kind of ideas that her mother is pressing on to her could easily lead her that way.

Death by anorexia is slow, and it's painful. Eventually her body will start to eat itself, and when there's no more fat or muscle to munch on, the organs are next. Total organ failure.. Her mother needs to stop what she's doing, and should quite frankly be ashamed.

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Jumpyropes − NTA, your wife is going to give your daughter an eating disorder. I shouldn't have to say this but girls SHOULD gain weight as they grow up! As long as they're healthy, which it sounds like your daughter is healthy regardless

of how many days a week she eats ice cream (which btw is a crazy thing to harp on imo. She could get ice cream every day of the damn week and still be healthy.) But seriously, this kind of thing is dangerous.

Redditors cheered the father’s stand, slamming the mother’s diet push as a fast track to an eating disorder. Many shared personal stories, urging intervention to protect the daughter’s confidence. But do these passionate takes cover the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This father’s fight to shield his daughter from an unnecessary diet is a powerful stand against harmful beauty standards. It’s a wake-up call about how parental words can shape a teen’s self-worth, for better or worse. The mother’s fixation on thinness risks lasting damage, but the father’s resolve offers hope. How would you navigate this clash to protect a teen’s confidence? Share your experiences below—let’s keep this vital conversation alive.

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