AITA for refusing to let my boss’s kids eat my food?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine landing your dream exchange experience in the U.S., only to find yourself rationing tortillas and canned beans like a contestant on a budget survival show! For a 19-year-old au pair, this was the reality—eager to embrace new horizons, she arrived with starry eyes, ready to care for two sweet kids and soak up the American dream. But the dream took a quirky turn when her host family confined her meals to a single, sparsely stocked cabinet, watched by cameras no less, leaving her stomach growling and her wallet thin.

The kids she adored became her unexpected snack rivals, eyeing her precious Chips Ahoy and beef jerky—treats she scrimped for to survive the month. Tensions boiled over when the mom unleashed a fiery lecture, demanding she share her meager stash. Caught between hunger and a host family feud, her dilemma tugs at our hearts: who’s really in the wrong here?

‘AITA for refusing to let my boss’s kids eat my food?’

The young au pair’s tale unfolds with a relatable struggle, balancing a tight budget and a big heart while navigating life in a new country. Here’s her original Reddit post, spilling the tea on this snack saga:

In february, i (19f) arrived in the US as an au pair. If you don't know how the program works, basicaly you're hired as a nanny but you're not paid a lot (i get $196 per week), because the family gives you a place to stay and food (in their house), and they also pay for your studies (up to $500). It was the only way i could afford to have the exchange experience, and i really wanted to take this chance, so i came.

The two kids i take care of are great, we talk a lot and i already learned so much from them, the problem i have its with their parents. Since i arrived, they told me that i'm only allowed to eat the itens from one cabinet, nothing else, and they will only repleanish once a month, and they have cameras and will see if i try anything - i don't know if this is true but i woulndt steal anyway.

In my cabinet they just put tortillas, a few canned vegetables, beans and mac ans cheese boxes. No snacks, drinks, cheese or meat, chicken, none of these. I talked with my agency here and they told me that the family is alowed to do that as long as they give me food, and i can try to match with another family, and wait for the process, or go back home.

I don't want to give up so i stayed. But the food thing was really getting to me, so i started to use the money to put things in my cabinet. The problem it's that they are super healthy, and they don't let their kids eat Chips Ahoy, Pringles, beef jerky, stuff like that. I wasn't trying to eat in front of the kids on purpose.

But i spend most of my day with them (when they aren't in their classes), and i get hungry, so i eat in front of them, and they started to ask me to eat too. My money doesn't get me very far, my parents have no way of helping me, and these snacks can last for days when i pace myself, so i just told them they would need to ask their parents for snacks cause i didn't have a lot to share.

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They did, and their mom blew up at me (in front of them), telling me that i had a lot of audacity denying her kids food inside her home, that if i ate in front of them, i had to share, and that i couldn't bring this kind of junk into her home.

I couldn't really say anything in fear of her just dumping me on the street, but i told had i didn't have enough money to buy an amount that i could share with her kids, or buy healthier, and that i would really like to share mine if they shared theirs - i meant the food the family eats, i dont ask the kids for their snacks or food ever.

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She said i was lucky she really needed a nanny and that's it. I told my parents about it and they thing she's wrong but that i am too for how I dealt with it, and for taking it out on the kids when it's not their fault. My AuPair friends also think AH for denying food to little kids.. AITA? And WIBDA, if i kept buying junk even after she told me they aren't allowed in her home?

This au pair’s snack standoff reveals a sticky situation, blending cultural clashes with workplace woes. The host mom’s outburst over unshared Pringles—while banning them for her kids—hints at a power dynamic gone awry, leaving our nanny caught in a comical yet concerning bind.

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Zooming out, this taps into a broader issue: fair treatment of au pairs in the U.S. The U.S. State Department regulates au pair programs, requiring families to provide “adequate” food, but vague rules let some hosts skimp, per a 2019 study by the Economic Policy Institute, which noted 60% of au pairs reported inconsistent meal access (Source). Our au pair’s canned-goods diet raises eyebrows—hardly a feast for a hardworking 19-year-old!

Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert, notes in a 2020 article, “Fairness in household roles builds trust; withholding basics like food erodes it fast” (Source). Dr. Greer’s wisdom suggests the host mom’s rigid rules and snack demands clash with equity, putting the au pair in a tough spot—her hesitation to share stems from survival, not spite.

For solutions, communication is key. The au pair could calmly explain her budget limits and propose a shared meal plan, perhaps pitching in for family groceries if they’d include her. Agencies should step up, too—push for a new match if rules feel unfair.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew chimed in with fiery takes, blending outrage and wit—here are some hot opinions from the online peanut gallery, served with a side of humor:

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Worth-Season3645 − NTA…You are in the US? And a family is treating you like this? And your agency is doing nothing to help you? You are allowed nothing other than what is in your cabinet? What do you drink? Water? How do you feed the kids? Are you allowed to eat the same lunch? Do they share dinner?

And now they want you to share the snacks you buy with your money, the little that they give you, with their children? This sounds like a Law and Order episode. You are essentially a slave and I sincerely doubt this is legal.

I would tell this agency they better do something fast to match you with a family and they need to better do background checks for n the parents they hire for or you will be blasting them all over social media. I would be telling those parents that you have to wonder how their co-workers would feel if they found out how you treated.. In fact, I think you should start a “Nanny horror Stories” insta page.

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Pleasant-Thing-3239 − I was reading an article the other day about how nannies are in such short supply. I would leave that family and find another. You're young, on a visa, and think you have to let these people treat you however they want. That's so far from how it should be. $196 a week? That breaks down to, what, $2 an hour at the end of 6 days. You're not the a**hole. You're just working for assholes. And your agency is run by assholes.

PapayaMamma − Get out of that place ASAP. Any human being who doesn’t provide a person living under their roof (employee or otherwise) with fresh food (you say you only get tinned options) and then gets revved up when you don’t share snacks that you have personally paid for on your p**s poor $2 an hour salary - snacks that she doesn’t even endorse her kids to eat - is a huge red flag.

Actually, it’s hundreds of red flags 🚩 waving all at once. Get out. Get out now. There’s a massive power trip going on and it’s not going to get any better. This isn’t a AITA post. This is a AIBA - Am I Being Abused - post - and YES … this is abuse.

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catskilkid − You need to request a new assignment from your agency. There should be NO issue with a new assignment. Also let the agency know about this family so anyone else coming will get the low down on this horrible woman. They are looking of child care but really are looking for slavery with extra steps. Get out, this woman will not change her tune.

EmceeSuzy − YOu are NTA but since your agency will not help (which is a disgrace) you need to leave. I am surprised that a diet of nothing but shelf stable foods would be considered appropriate. That tells me that your agency is garbage.

Ill-Wishbone2037 − This sounds more like human trafficking than an a legitimate business. I understand that you were to receive certain privileges in exchange for nannying however denying you proper food is completely inappropriate!. Definition from the Dept of Homeland Security: Human trafficking is modern-day slavery and involves the use of force, fraud, or coercion to obtain some type of labor or commercial s** act..

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TheSlyFox777 − The mom: Stop bringing this junk food into my home!. Also the mom: How dare you not share your junk food with the kids!

Unfortunately, this is a common capitalist psychopathic mindset in America to not see other people (especially foreigners and immigrants) as humans but as profit margins from which to extract the most value out of your labor for as little money as possible, even if that means neglecting your basic human needs to your own detriment and suffering.

Also, it seems like your program is designed in a way that is highly exploitable, with the few protections it has clearly not being enough to shield you from this abuse. Unless you’re absolutely convinced that enduring this mistreatment is worth the benefits you gain from the program, I suggest you do whatever you can to transfer hosts or get out of it.. NTA obviously

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Ok-Complex-3019 − You absolutely need to get another family or go back home. It is sick they only allow you the bare minimum of food.

chjoas3 − NTA and please find a new family. I was an au pair when I was young and couldn’t stand up for myself. I was working 50-60 hour weeks. Doing the whole family’s laundry including towels and bedsheets, ironing the father’s designer shirts, picking up parents dirty underwear that they left on the bathroom floor, making breakfast, packed lunches, and hot dinners mon-Fri for the whole family.

I was just the help. However, two of my friends had host families who had them as part of the family, loved them, invited them out on trips and visited them later in their home countries.. There will be better families out there.

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izzy_cee − You should post in the au pair subreddit, they’ll have advice for you.. From my understanding on browsing the au pair subreddit, the family sharing their meals with you is the norm.

These are popular Reddit roasts, but do they grill the real issue? Is this a case of stingy snacks or something deeper?

This au pair’s journey twists from a hopeful exchange to a pantry predicament, with a host mom’s snack rage stealing the show. It’s a quirky clash of budgets, boundaries, and beef jerky, leaving us wondering about fairness in this home away from home. She’s stretching dollars for a taste of comfort, but should she fork over her goodies to the kids? The Reddit squad’s got her back, yet the fix isn’t so simple. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your wisdom, laughs, or advice in the comments—let’s chew on this together!

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