AITA for refusing to include my stepsister in my workouts?

In a quiet suburban gym, the clank of weights echoes as a 16-year-old hockey prodigy, let’s call her Ava, powers through her high-intensity workout, her focus as sharp as the ice she skates on. But at home, tension brews. Her stepsister, struggling with weight and insecurity, wants to join Ava’s grueling routine, egged on by a dad who can’t stop comparing the two. Ava’s refusal has sparked a family firestorm, leaving her torn between guilt and her need to stay in top form.

Ava’s not just dodging pucks—she’s navigating a tricky family dynamic. Her stepsister’s desire to train together feels like a mismatch, given Ava’s elite regimen and her stepsister’s beginner level. Readers might feel Ava’s frustration but also wonder if she’s being too harsh. This story dives into the messy balance of personal goals and family expectations, pulling us into a relatable tug-of-war.

‘AITA for refusing to include my stepsister in my workouts?’

My (16f) stepsister (16f) is visibly overweight. It's definitely been a point of insecurity for her especially because her dad compares her to me a lot fitness wise. I guess for reference I play a high level of hockey and am in great shape from constant diet and exercise since I was like 11.

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Now my stepsister and stepdad got the idea that if she started working out with me it would motivate her more. Now there's a few problems with this, my workouts are high intensity and focus on speed and building muscle, not weight loss. I also run at least 5km 2x a week, which she's nowhere near that level yet. Another thing is, I'm not at their house all the time, so is she even going to follow my routine when I'm not there?

I feel like she's doing it for all the wrong reasons and I don't want to 'help' her if she's just going to slow me down. Well I told them no along with basically those reasons above and they got super pissed saying how I should want to help my 'sister' and how doing this would help her so much, and I'm kinda feeling guilty, AITA?

 

Ava’s refusal to include her stepsister in her workouts highlights a common family tension: mismatched expectations wrapped in good intentions. Ava’s high-intensity regimen, built for speed and muscle, isn’t a one-size-fits-all fix, especially for her stepsister’s weight-loss goals. The stepdad’s comparisons only muddy the waters, pitting the girls against each other. Ava’s focus on her own performance is valid, but her blunt dismissal might overlook her stepsister’s need for support.

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This scenario reflects broader issues in family dynamics. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that parental comparisons can erode self-esteem in teens, especially in blended families. Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, notes in a New York Times article, “Comparing siblings often backfires, creating resentment rather than motivation.” Ava’s stepdad’s approach risks alienating both girls.

For Ava, supporting her stepsister doesn’t mean sacrificing her routine. Dr. Damour suggests setting boundaries while offering encouragement, like recommending beginner-friendly programs. Ava could point her stepsister to resources like the Couch to 5K app, which eases new runners into fitness, or suggest a consultation with a nutritionist. This approach fosters connection without derailing Ava’s goals, building a bridge between their worlds.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad dove into Ava’s story with gusto, dishing out a mix of cheers and jeers like a lively rink-side crowd. Some backed her boundaries, while others called her out for lacking empathy. Here’s the unfiltered scoop

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[Reddit User] − NTA. If she tries to work out at your current intensity she will at best be miserable, and at worst might injure herself. Neither she nor her stepdad should be comparing her to you, because it's not a competition. Her own progress toward her own goals is all that counts.Here's an idea, though... ever heard of Couch To 5K? There are a few different apps of the program, but it's a great way to ease newbies into running.

What if you encouraged her to do the program (at her own pace, she doesn't have to finish it in exactly 9 weeks), and then you and she sign up for a fun 5K to do together in late summer or early fall? Since you run 5Ks regularly that could be something you eventually share once she's conditioned. Also the C25K subReddit is super positive and supportive, she would be welcomed and encouraged every step of the way.

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Beelzebebe − Wow. YTA not for refusing but for your sanctimonious attitude. Have a little empathy and maybe stop looking down on your step sister.

alonelybaggel − YTA there's no reason you can't do a light workout a few times a week with her

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han5gruber − YTA. Help your sister out for god sake.

Roctapus42 − NTA you are not responsible for her health. You could offer to help her with an exercise program of her own on maybe a free day a week .. but that’s entirely up to you and you have no obligation. Encourage her to get going, offer to help her figure out Training and exercise if you want to be nice but you have zero obligations here.

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ThrowAwayPregnant111 − YTA High intensity workouts that focus on building muscles are the best type for losing weight. I say this as someone who lost all her baby weight by doing 40 days of HIIT workouts and lifting.. I feel like, you just don’t like her. Call a spade a spade. You don’t need to set a program for her. You don’t need her to work out every day with you. You could be a nice person and just let her join you on the days she’s around..

If she enjoys it, she’ll make the effort to get to you on the days she’s not around.. Kindness is cool.If your workouts are “you” time and you prefer to do them alone, then be honest about that, don’t lie and make up other excuses. It’s okay to not want to do something, but it’s not okay to blame the other person for why you don’t want to do it.

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ParsimoniousSalad − How about talking to your stepsister (separate from her parents who are pressuring her!) and see if SHE really would like you to help her set up an exercise program. There's a way to help her with a parallel plan rather than you essentially giving up your workout time to be her trainer.

Nothing wrong with supporting and encouraging her that way.Maybe she's got another friend who would want to workout with her regularly, etc. Shift the reliance off of you. Just encourage her and help her decide on a routine.. Compromise to be just a little helpful. It doesn't have to be all or nothing! ESH a little bit. Edit: And her dad sucks for trying to make her feel bad about herself for comparing her to you. Can't imagine that would be helpful.

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Potvinvis − NTA. Working out for high level competition is something completely different than just trying to loose weight. If your stepdad is truly interested in helping her, he should find a dietician, as long as your stepsister is open for it. It's still a big AH move from his side for comparing her to you. Ofcourse, you could help her with her own exercises of her own programme as mental support but that's up to you.

Jazzisa − YTA I get that you still want your own workouts, which is fine, but you could include her in some of them? She's your sister! I've worked out with ppl I care about who are unhealthy too. I just adjust my scedule to do things they can do too, just with less intensity.

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For example, lifting weights is something anyone can do. You can just pick heavier or less heavy weights. A just 'no, she'll slow me down' seems pretty harsh. Why not work out together one or two times a week, and the rest you do your own thing?

Redditors split down the middle, with some praising Ava’s focus and others urging her to show kindness. The idea of a Couch to 5K program popped up as a compromise, but not everyone bought Ava’s reasoning. Do these takes nail the issue, or are they just skating on thin ice?

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Ava’s story is a snapshot of the push-and-pull between personal ambition and family ties. Her choice to protect her workout routine makes sense for an athlete chasing excellence, but it also raises questions about empathy in blended families. By suggesting alternative ways to support her stepsister, Ava could turn tension into teamwork. In a world where comparison often overshadows connection, her next move matters. Have you ever faced a similar clash between your goals and family expectations? What would you do in Ava’s shoes?

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