AITA for refusing to hug my cheating mum?

A quiet morning in a family home turned heavy when a 25-year-old daughter sidestepped her mother’s outstretched arms, her heart weighed by years of broken trust. Her mother’s secret emotional affair, laced with intimate messages and hidden from her father, had unraveled their bond, leaving only civility for the sake of a fragile family peace.

The mother’s plea for a hug, met with a polite but firm refusal, sparked a storm of hurt and accusations, exposing the raw pain of betrayal. This poignant saga of lies, manipulation, and a daughter’s resolve to protect her boundaries pulls us into the heart of a family divided by infidelity. Let’s dive deeper into the story below.

‘AITA for refusing to hug my cheating mum?’

The daughter’s refusal to hug her mother is a clear boundary, rooted in the pain of repeated betrayal and manipulation. Her mother’s ongoing emotional affair, despite sworn promises to stop, undermines trust, while her attempt to blame the daughter for potential marital fallout reflects classic gaslighting. The mother’s history of emotional abuse further justifies the daughter’s emotional distance, especially as she prioritizes her and her father’s mental health.

Infidelity, even non-physical, deeply impacts families. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that emotional affairs can erode trust as severely as physical ones, often leading to long-term relational strain. The mother’s lies and manipulation, coupled with pressuring her daughter to forgive, exacerbate the harm, while her claim of “hating” her daughter reveals deflecting guilt rather than accountability.

Dr. Shirley Glass, an infidelity expert, notes, “Rebuilding trust after betrayal requires transparency and genuine remorse, not defensiveness”. The mother’s failure to respect her daughter’s boundaries or cease contact with her affair partner signals a lack of commitment to repair. The daughter’s civility, despite her hurt, shows maturity, though her father’s pleas to forgive add unfair pressure.

To move forward, the daughter’s upcoming move to her own apartment is a healthy step toward independence. She could benefit from therapy to process the emotional abuse and betrayal, while maintaining open communication with her father to support his mental health. This story underscores the power of boundaries in healing from family betrayal, urging individuals to prioritize self-respect over forced reconciliation.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s community overwhelmingly supported the daughter, viewing her refusal to hug as a justified response to her mother’s deceit and manipulation. Many criticized the mother’s gaslighting and emotional abuse, noting her choice to continue the affair despite promises showed a clear disregard for family. Commenters praised the daughter’s civility and encouraged her move out, seeing it as a path to freedom from toxicity.

Some urged her to protect her father by sharing the full truth, while others emphasized that her mother’s consequences—losing her daughter’s trust—were self-inflicted. The consensus highlighted the importance of standing firm against manipulation, affirming the daughter’s right to distance herself. These perspectives reflect a call for accountability and self-preservation in fractured family dynamics.

This breakfast standoff reveals the lasting scars of betrayal within a family. The daughter’s quiet refusal to embrace her mother’s hypocrisy speaks to her strength, though it comes at the cost of familial harmony. Her story invites us to reflect on when forgiveness must yield to self-protection, especially with her new chapter on the horizon.

Have you faced a family member’s betrayal that tested your boundaries? Share your insights below and let’s explore how trust and resilience navigate these raw, human moments.