AITA for refusing to home my bio-son?
Three years ago, a 32-year-old man’s life in the Netherlands, happily married to his husband of five years, took a sharp turn. A college fling, never more than a few nights, left behind an 11-year-old son he never knew about, revealed only after the mother’s sudden death from apoplexy. A DNA test confirmed the truth, and he stepped up, thrilled yet rattled, starting child support and exploring a bond with the boy raised by his grandparents.
The son, torn between worlds, first rejected a move, then demanded to live with his dad—insisting it be in their home country, unsafe for the man’s gay family. Recent homophobic remarks and Bible verses from the boy, echoed by his religious grandparents, chilled the deal. Now, with a baby due in five months, the man’s refusal to uproot or host sparks family ire let’s dive into this Reddit heart-tugger.
‘AITA for refusing to home my bio-son?’
This family saga aches with tough calls and tangled bonds. Our 32-year-old, blindsided by an 11-year-old son, opened his heart—paying support, offering a home—only to hit walls of homophobia and demands to move to an unsafe country. His refusal, prioritizing his husband and unborn child, draws fire from family, but it’s rooted in survival, not neglect.
Unplanned parenthood stirs complex duties. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association shows 48% of newly discovered parents struggle with balancing existing families and new ties, especially across borders. The son’s homophobic remarks, likely parroted from grandparents, signal a tough adjustment, risking tension in a gay household. Moving to a country banning gay marriage endangers the man’s family, an untenable ask.
Dr. Joshua Coleman, a family estrangement expert, notes, “Newly found kids bring joy and strain—boundaries protect all, especially when values clash or safety’s at stake”. The man’s early yes turned no as risks grew; his duty isn’t to upend his life but to foster a safe bond. Family’s “new kid” jabs sting, but they dodge the core—safety trumps guilt.
Build slow: keep visits, maybe virtual, to chip at bias with exposure. Therapy for the son could unlearn hate; grandparents need a firm line against meddling. Stay in the Netherlands, pay support, and shield the new baby. Patience, not relocation, paves the path to fatherhood here.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Reddit rallied behind the man, seeing his stance as fair. The crowd calls the grandparents’ pressure and homophobic influence the real issue, not his refusal. An 11-year-old dictating moves is a no-go, they say, and his offer to host in the Netherlands was enough. Safety for his family—husband, unborn child—trumps all.
Some urge slow bonding visits, therapy to ease the boy’s views, noting he’s likely echoing elders, not set in hate. Family’s “terrible father” label gets scoffed; they ignore his life’s reality. The vibe? He’s no coward grandparents are the ones stirring the pot. Keep paying, stay safe, and build trust over time.
![[Reddit User] − NTA. The 11 year old doesn’t get to dictate the terms of moving in with you. If as you say, he’s now willing to move countries then it’s worth a shot, but it would be a ROUGH adjustment and you’re just about to have a baby. I think you’re making the right call by doing this slowly and getting to know him before making any concrete decisions here.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/266560c-09.png)
This fatherhood twist pulls heartstrings a man embraced a surprise son, only to face demands and hate that threaten his family’s safety. Refusing to move or host under those terms isn’t abandonment; it’s protecting his life in the Netherlands, with a baby on the way. Slow steps visits, talks might bridge the gap. Share your thoughts, feelings, and fixes below let’s untangle this family knot!
