AITA for refusing to help my siblings with our mother’s funeral plans and for telling them I do not want to be named in her obituary?
The eldest son cut ties with his mom at 15 after nonstop cruelty, from “you ruined my life” rants to wishing him dead. She showered siblings with love but treated him like poison, leaving him to crash with friends and build his own world away from her venom.
She passed two days back, siblings bedside while he felt pure relief at the nightmare’s end. They pushed him to join funeral prep, split costs, even list him in the obit praising her as saintly. He shot back no, suggesting they pretend he’s from another mom entirely. Fights dragged planning to a halt, with them calling him cruel for not faking grief.
‘AITA for refusing to help my siblings with our mother’s funeral plans and for telling them I do not want to be named in her obituary?’
Mom died two days ago; siblings held vigil, but he skipped it amid lifelong hate:
Daily venom drove him out young; last saw her at 20 when she gagged at his sight:
News of her dying brought joy, not sorrow; siblings demanded his input anyway:
They raged over costs and optics, but he dug in on staying out:
His story screams mismatched family realities—one man’s hell is another’s heaven. She didn’t just neglect; she weaponized words to crush him, from abortion regrets to death wishes, while spoiling siblings. Cutting contact at 15 saved him, letting him thrive with husband and kids out of her shadow. Siblings’ grief blinds them to his truth, turning funeral talks into battles.
Society pushes “honor thy parent” even in toxicity, but pros say skip rituals that reopen wounds. Refusing funds or obit spots honors his lived hell over their rosy version. Pressure to “do it for them” ignores his zero obligation to perform mourning.
Next Avenue points out: “Many children of abusive or toxic parents don’t get closure before their deaths. Some feel guilty for not mourning enough or at all.” That’s him—no guilt, just release. Validates ditching the charade.
Send one firm text: no involvement, no cash, no contact on this. Block if needed to let them grieve solo. Post-funeral, if they chase money, chat a lawyer—estates don’t force unwilling heirs. Therapy could unpack any lingering crap, but focus on his crew now.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
The internet rallied hard behind him—NTA across the board. Most saw siblings as tone-deaf or money-hungry, urging full disconnection.
Many pushed for a hard cutoff to protect his peace:
Others called out sibling blindness or suggested savage pushback:
A few zeroed in on motives or empathy gaps:
He survived a mother who hated him. Now she’s gone, and he won’t fake tears, pay a dime, or let her final act rewrite his truth. Siblings grieve a parent he never had. Their pain is real. So is his freedom.
Should family force closure on the unhealed? Or is walking away the ultimate act of love—for himself? Drop your take below.
