AITA for refusing to help my siblings with my estranged mother’s end of life care?

A 27-year-old man has found himself at the heart of a family conflict regarding his estranged mother’s end-of-life care. Estranged from his mother since he was 15—after she treated him harshly and left him homeless due to deep-seated familial issues—he has long distanced himself from her.

While his siblings, who still maintain some form of relationship with her, now request that he help with her terminal care, he has firmly refused. His rationale is simple: he does not feel obligated to provide care or comfort for a mother who, in his view, was the worst parent he ever had.

This decision has ignited a bitter dispute with his siblings, who argue that she is still their mother and that he should help. The man, however, remains resolute in his stance that his past experiences absolve him of any duty toward her.

‘AITA for refusing to help my siblings with my estranged mother’s end of life care?’

Family therapists and legal experts emphasize that decisions regarding end-of-life care in estranged family situations are complex and deeply personal. Dr. Marianne Collins, a family therapist specializing in intergenerational conflicts, explains, “When someone experiences severe parental neglect or abuse, it’s natural for them to feel no obligation to care for that parent later in life. The emotional wounds from being abandoned or mistreated can be long-lasting, and forcing a relationship or care duty can exacerbate these scars.”

Dr. Collins further notes, “In situations where siblings continue to maintain a relationship with a toxic parent, the expectations placed on one individual can be unfair. It’s important to respect personal boundaries. Just because a person is biologically related does not automatically create a moral or legal duty to provide care, especially if past behavior has caused deep emotional harm.”

Legal expert Sarah Thompson adds, “While family law often promotes reconciliation and the idea of shared responsibility, there are circumstances where a person’s past justifies a refusal to engage in caregiving. If documented evidence of abuse or neglect exists, it can support a claim that the individual’s decision to distance themselves is not only emotionally sound but legally defensible.”

Dr. Collins concludes, “Ultimately, caregiving should be a choice made out of genuine willingness to help, not an imposed obligation that reopens old wounds. In this case, the man’s refusal to participate in his mother’s end-of-life care is a protective measure for his own mental health and a response to a lifetime of mistreatment.”

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community has been overwhelmingly supportive of his decision. One user commented, “NTA – you owe nothing to someone who left you in the lurch when you were a child. Your well-being should come first.” Another stated, “Your mother’s actions in your youth were inexcusable.

You have every right to prioritize your mental health over a relationship with someone who never cared for you.” Many users echoed similar sentiments, noting that the siblings’ insistence on his involvement reflects entitlement and a failure to acknowledge the abuse he suffered.

A few voices mentioned that his estrangement is justified and that, in cases of severe familial abuse, each person should decide their level of involvement. Though one or two comments cautioned that familial bonds are complicated and that professional mediation might help, the prevailing sentiment is that he is not the a**hole for refusing to care for a parent who had once abandoned him.