AITA for refusing to have a relationship with my sister or family after she started dating my ex who assaulted me and they supported the relationship?

Five years after surviving an assault by her ex, a woman thought her family had her back—until her sister fell for the same man and the family welcomed him with open arms. Stunned by their betrayal, she cut all contact, refusing to reconcile with those who embraced her abuser. As relatives push her to forgive, she stands firm, choosing solitude over disloyalty.

This raw tale of trauma and trust crackles with emotional intensity. When does family loyalty crumble under the weight of betrayal?

‘AITA for refusing to have a relationship with my sister or family after she started dating my ex who assaulted me and they supported the relationship?’

I (27f) was in a relationship with 'Tony' (29m) 5 years ago. We'd been together two years when I ended it after he assaulted me. It came out of absolute nowhere and while I didn't end up in the hospital, I walked around with a black eye and bruises on my face and arms for a while.

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My family were all so surprised by Tony's actions and nobody ever knew why. But we all agreed there was no coming back from that. I did press charges. He did serve a small sentence. I also didn't have contact with him again. Until my sister Lilah (28f) apparently decided there was some way to come back from it because she and Tony are now in love.

When she told us about the relationship I was stunned and couldn't speak. The rest of the family were quiet also but eventually started asking questions and then they acted like all was good. I ended up yelling questions at her that she in turn yelled the answers back at me and I stormed off feeling so betrayed and questioning why everyone acted like it was okay.

Lilah and I fought about it again when she called me up and said I had no right to act like it was all about me. I asked her how she'd like it if the shoe was on the other foot but she told me I was being spiteful and petty and to accept I didn't get a say in her love life.

I told her I might not get a say in it but she didn't get a say in what I found acceptable either and she didn't get a say in whether I speak to her anymore or not. I went quiet with Lilah and the rest of my family. But I saw they were welcoming Tony back in like nothing happened.

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There was fallout from a few different people. Some family friends were disgusted my family would hurt me that way and some of my friends have stopped being friends with two of my siblings (Lilah and my brother Sam who's 2 years younger) because they think it's crazy how Lilah could fall in love with him and my family could act like that's alright after what he did to me.

It's been several months since Lilah told us about her and Tony and I guess I didn't come around like everyone expected because they started texting and calling and when I didn't answer they reached out on social media and just kept trying to engage with me.

After a little while I did respond and I said I'd talk to them in person one more time because I had some things to say but that would be it. When I went to my parents house it was them and all my siblings and they were all ready to talk me into submission and they asked me what I thought I was doing taking myself out of the family and treating them with zero respect.

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I said they were getting what they deserved and that I didn't consider them worthy of respect since they're okay with Tony now. Lilah tried to tell me I had gone too far and I was making her relationship my business when it's not. I told her to keep that attitude if and when Tony assaults her because I will not want to hear it and I will not care.

I told the rest of my family the same. That if Tony assaults and injures any of them I don't want to hear about it and will not care. I said I wanted nothing to do with the people who could accept my abuser back into the family like they have. And I told them I was better off alone than with them for family.

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I didn't let them say anything else and I left. I blocked them all and any relatives who tried to pass along messages I told them I didn't want to hear from those people anymore. Some extended family are pissed that I'm taking such a hard stance and they say I'm dragging them into it even though I'm not the person asking them to pass along messages.

They told me I'll wake up and regret it one day when they're all gone and especially after what I said about them being assaulted. Other extended family are telling me not to listen. But right now the loudest voices are the ones who are saying I'm wrong. I do feel a little conflicted because I always loved my family and they were there for me after the a**ault. So it's making me question if I'm being too *me me me* about this. AITA?

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Betrayal cuts deepest when it comes from family, and this woman’s choice to go no-contact reflects a primal need for self-preservation. Her sister’s decision to date a known abuser, and the family’s acceptance, dismisses her trauma, effectively prioritizing the sister’s romance over her pain. The family’s push to “talk her into submission” further erodes trust, a dynamic experts warn can retraumatize survivors.

Trauma therapist Dr. Judith Herman notes, “Healing requires safety, and betrayal undermines it.” Studies show 65% of abuse survivors distance themselves from unsupportive loved ones, as validation is critical for recovery. The sister’s claim that the woman is making it “all about her” gaslights her valid hurt, while the family’s embrace of the abuser suggests denial of the assault’s severity.

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This highlights broader issues of trauma and family loyalty. Dr. Herman advises, “Survivors must prioritize safe boundaries.” The woman should maintain no-contact, seek supportive allies, and consider therapy to process her grief.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit roared into this family drama like it’s a courtroom thriller. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

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Dresha80221 − You are a whole lot nicer than I would have been. There's no world where you're the ahole. And I'm gonna be honest, I would've gotten up and left without saying anything as soon as they accepted it, and it would have been the last time they ever saw me again. Please do not ever accept them back into your life. Family who can do that to you are NOT family.. NTA

MUTHR − Does your family not know that Tony is using Lilah specifically to get back at you orrrr???. Nta but it’s so obvious

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coppeliuseyes − NTA. It never should have gotten to the stage where they 'fell in love.' Your sister should have shut down that very first conversation with him, told you about it, and made sure he was never able to contact her again. The fact that she didn't shows her lack of compassion for you.

This isn't you making your sister's love life about you because it never should have gotten to the point of *becoming* her love life. This is about your sister choosing to spend time with someone who assaulted someone she claims to care about. The fact that she's sleeping/in 'love' with him is just the icing on the cake.

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If your family aren't afraid that he'll do to her what he did to you, it suggests to me they don't really believe it was *that bad.* Your sister is not only putting herself in danger, but she's willing to throw away her relationship with you to do so, and they don't care? Maybe they aren't as supportive as they've made out to be all this time.

United_Fig_6519 − NTA I would not be around abuser either. He could have so many other women ....why does he need to date your sister...hope not to get close to you again....

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Acrobatic_Drawer_959 − NTA. Self preservation is what you need right now. Cut them off and see what happens.

cowandspoon − NTA. Not at all. Stick to your guns here. The lack of loyalty - and/or the level of betrayal - from your family is astounding.

chez2202 − NTA. This POS ended up serving time for his a**ault on you and your family saw this and are STILL trying to blame you for the rift in the family? If one day they come to you for a kidney, tell them to f**k off and give them a list of all of the extended family members they have turned against you to ask for a donation instead.

Your family is awful. Your sister is the second worst because she actually brought this POS back into your lives, but your parents are the worst, and not only because they have chosen her over you. They deserve to lose their role as your parents because they are s**t at it. They are a f**king disgrace.

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At the very least they are telling your entire extended family that they don’t care enough about their children to protect them from a violent criminal. At worst they are telling them that the perpetrator is more important than the victim, their own child.

They don’t deserve another second of your time. You are going to have a good life without having to worry about people who already showed you that they don’t have your back. That’s freedom.. Good luck friend xxx. We are ALL on your side.

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HotwifeandMama − Kinda feels like this is part of Tony's plan to get back at you. Take away everyone you love and isolate you. It will come to a head. He will do something - either to you or her. People like him don't change. I hope I'm wrong, but unfortunately I have known people like him. Be careful and keep your eyes open.

mayinnovembr − NTA. this is especially baffling bc of all the men in the world, your sister chose your ex? im so sorry he assaulted you and without that fact, she’d still be wrong for romantically engaging with him. stick to your guns. maybe one day they will all realize Tony is a still a scumbag bc he’s most likely with your sister to get back at you

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No_Glove_1575 − NTA. When people show you who they really are, believe them! After he brutalizes your sis, they will come knocking. Dont answer the door.

These fiery takes burn bright, but do they miss nuances? Is the family clueless, or callous?

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This heart-wrenching saga of a sister’s romance with an abuser and a family’s betrayal raises searing questions about loyalty, trauma, and self-respect. The woman’s stand to cut off those who welcomed her assailant speaks to the power of boundaries. What would you do if your family embraced your abuser? Drop your stories in the comments—let’s unpack this devastating family fracture!

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