AITA for refusing to go to therapy with my stepsister?

In every family, bonds are built on shared memories and mutual support, yet sometimes those bonds become tangled by betrayal. The story at hand unfolds with a sharp twist—a treasured keepsake that was meant to serve as a lasting farewell from a lost loved one is deliberately destroyed. The resulting fracture has forced a young mind to draw a hard boundary, rejecting any notion of repairing the damage through therapy.

The narrative paints an emotional tableau of a 15-year-old who once cherished her stepsister as a sister, only to face a heart-wrenching betrayal. The act of breaking the DVD—a symbolic goodbye from her deceased father—has left irreparable scars. Now, with tensions escalating at home and a persistent refusal to attempt family therapy, she stands firm on her decision. This volatile crossroads between grief, anger, and the impulse to protect oneself sets the stage for a deeper exploration of familial obligations versus personal healing.

‘AITA for refusing to go to therapy with my stepsister?’

My stepsister and I (both 15f) used to be close. We became stepsisters at 6 and even though I never called her just my sister, I always thought of her as one of my best friends and a part of my family. The only source of conflict we ever had was my dad's family. They never took my stepsister on as their family and when I'd go to visit them she'd get upset about it.

She always felt that wasn't fair. My dad died and his family stayed in my life and loved me and made sure I had more people to love me. But her mom left her and so did her mom's family. I know it made her jealous and I know we fought about it before. She'd beg me to let her come along but I always felt a little uncomfortable with that so I never asked.

Two months ago my stepsister wanted us to go to this convention an hour from where we live. She never said anything and bought the tickets online without asking her dad or me. That same weekend I had plans to visit my great grandma for her birthday and was spending the night with her and my grandparents.

When she did mention the convention it was like 3 days before and I refused to cancel seeing my family to go with her. She told me she really wanted us to go and I could see my family any time. I told her my great grandma is older and I might not get to see her any time because she's in and out of the hospital a lot.

That weekend while I was gone my stepsister found the DVD my dad made for me before he died, which was his last goodbye to me. It was my comfort item. I had it in my room in my desk because I wanted it to be safe. My stepsister broke the disk and tossed it in the trash in the mall before I got back. I went to watch it that night and it was gone.

I told my mom and I was pretty hysterical and that's when she and my stepdad figured out what happened and I realized after. I told my stepsister I hated her, I would never let her be my family again and we would never be friends again. She started crying and apologizing and I told her it didn't matter because she's dead to me.

My mom took me for ice cream to try and calm me down and cheer me up and my stepsister was grounded when I got back. Things have not blown over. I refuse to forgive her. I ignore her and make sure she's not allowed to touch me. I leave the room if she comes in. I ignored her at school too. She was getting more and more upset.

My mom and stepdad asked me to work on forgiving her and I said never. They now want us to go to therapy together and I said no. I told them I won't go willingly and even if they make me, I won't take part in therapy. I said they can waste money if they want but I am not going to let her fix this.

I told them I wished she was never in my life, that I really hate her and I hope she ends up miserable and never getting over the guilt of what she did because I'll never forget.. My mom and stepdad got mad at me over refusing and said I needed to learn to forgive. AITA?

Family conflicts involving deep emotional loss often require careful navigation, but therapy isn’t always a one-size-fits-all remedy. The OP’s refusal to participate in therapy reflects not only a protective instinct against reopening old wounds but also a clear boundary against what she perceives as irreversible betrayal. Often, emotional healing begins when both parties are willing to acknowledge their pain. However, when one side’s actions have caused irrevocable damage, the expectation to jump into therapy might feel forced rather than freeing.

Recent insights from the mental health community suggest that healing must be self-directed. According to psychologist Dr. Susan David, “Emotional healing is not about forcing reconciliation; it’s about honoring your own feelings and setting boundaries that protect your well-being.” This perspective highlights that therapy, while beneficial for many, should not be mandated as a cure-all when the emotional injury is profound. In situations like these, each individual must decide when—or if—they are ready to rebuild trust.

Broadly speaking, the dilemma resonates with many facing family conflicts today. Even well-meaning interventions can sometimes compound the pain when imposed prematurely. Experts emphasize that the decision to forgive must be autonomous, underscoring that sometimes the healthiest choice is to acknowledge the hurt and move forward independently. For those seeking additional guidance, resources such as Psychology Today provide further insights and strategies for managing unresolved familial disputes.

In light of these factors, the OP’s stance on refusing therapy is understandable. Her reaction, while harsh to some, serves as a protective measure against further emotional harm. It calls into question whether family-imposed therapy can ever truly mend relationships when trust has been so deeply compromised.

These are the responses from Reddit users:.

The responses from the Reddit community echo a strong sentiment of validation and empathy. Several users condemn the stepsister’s calculated betrayal, emphasizing that no amount of forced therapy can repair such a profound loss. Many argue that the OP’s refusal is a justified act of self-preservation in the face of ongoing emotional manipulation. These remarks, candid and unapologetic, reveal a collective understanding that sometimes maintaining personal boundaries is more crucial than striving for forced reconciliation.

somethingstrange87 − If your account is full and accurate, NTA. Therapy can't fix everything, and it can't fix anything that you're not ready and willing to work on. She destroyed your goodbye from your father and you may never get past that.

dornenzahn − You're not an a**hole. Your sister did something that will likely at least sting for a very, very long time. That said, therapy may be advantageous to you either way. Even if it doesn't

2. Be an opportunity for you to understand why your sister did this. Even if you end up never forgiving her, at least you'll get more information about why it all happened and whether or not she's taking her actions seriously or not. Many times, part of lasting trauma is never getting to understand why someone did the things she did-- so again,

even if it doesn't heal your relationship, therapy where you're both present could mean you'll have fewer unresolved questions about what happened further down the line. Additionally, if you go to therapy and even afterwards are like,

This could prevent your parents or your sibling from trying to use that against you in the future. Ultimately whether you have therapy or not, the choice will still be yours as to whether or not a relationship with your sister is even worth it. And you deserve to make that choice.

Sad-Mall-6704 − NTA what she did is evil, and she doesn't deserve the solace of forgiveness.

Plenty_Carrot7973 − I hate it when people make the victim responsible for fixing problems with the perpetrator. You have every right to feel the way you do and going to their therapy sessions would be a waste of time and money. You may want to think about therapy in the future to help you deal with your dad's death but only if it is what you want and with your own therapist. NTA and so sorry about the loss of your dad's message.

[Reddit User] − NTA, she is 15, not 6, She had time to think about what she was doing she isn't a small child throwing a temper tantrum. She is old enough to understand the significance of what she was doing, and she chose to do it anyway... This was calculated... I might be able to see how she broke it in a moment of rage and hurt.... but she also took steps to ensure that it was absolutely gone..

She broke it, threw it away in a trash away from your home all before you got home.. This was intentional. This was cruel. This was revenge. This wasn't an act of hurt feelings. This was revenge and hateful. She wanted to hurt you. She wanted to destroy something of yours. She chose the most hurtful and irreversible thing to do.

It's understandable to be upset about you not staying for the weekend, but she went absolutely nuclear. Some things can't be forgiven, and therapy doesn't fix everything. You did everything right. You were kind and welcoming. You treated her like a sister, and she betrayed that. People cut family out for less than what she did. Honestly, this is something I don't think I would ever be able to let go of.

123CatsCatsCats123 − NTA. No amount of therapy can fix what she did. Destroying what is destroying the lasting memories you have to listen you his voice. So you’ll never forget or forgive. And some people might say that’s spiteful and you should forgive with time, but I don’t actually believe that. I think sometimes it’s justified and we need to do things to preserve ourselves.

If you forgive, what else would she do in the future?. That is pure malice and unforgivable. I don’t blame you for what you’ve said or refusing to go. If you still remember everything he said, write it down word for word whilst you still remember. That way you’ve got a written record of it, at the very least. I’m sorry that it’s gone. That’s god awful and I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.

24601moamo − NTA. Just because she has abandonment issues does not give her the right to break your stuff. Your parents are on the wrong side of this. You can be politely nice without caring. She broke the one thing you had left of your dad. She burned that bridge, not you.

StoneFlower01 − I hate it when people push the

rationalboundaries − NTA. Some things unforgivable. I am so very sorry you lost your Dad's dvd. I can not imagine your pain. The adults in your house failed your step sister in a big way. The time to get her help for her issues surrounding your dad's family and her mother's abandonment was BEFORE she did something awful.

Now, those same adults want you to accept the unacceptable. I'd suggest moving anything with sentimental value out of that house. Ask your Dad's family if they'd be willing to take care of it for you.

Immediate-Pair3467 − You can’t forgive someone for something you didn’t fully accept in the first place. NTA. In my opinion, therapy can’t fix what someone ruined and can’t bring back. You’ll never get back that goodbye from your father - because of her. Don’t have anyone waste the money on therapy, this is not worth that.

The stark division between the desire for familial closeness and the need for personal healing defines the heart of this story. The OP’s decision to refuse therapy with her stepsister—stemming from an act of deliberate harm—resonates with anyone who has had to choose between maintaining a relationship and protecting one’s self-worth.

Ultimately, the path to healing is personal and may sometimes require walking away rather than forcing reconciliation. What would you do if you were faced with a similar situation? Share your thoughts and insights—let’s discuss the true nature of forgiveness and the boundaries of familial love.

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