AITA for refusing to go to the store when my significant other cooks meals for me?

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The kitchen clock ticks toward dinner, but for one woman, the real countdown is to another last-minute errand. At 35, she’s juggling life with her partner, their teenage daughter, and his mother, where he rules the stove with a picky palate. His cooking comes with a catch: forgotten ingredients that send her scrambling to the store, even when she’s elbow-deep in dishwater. Her refusal to play fetch has sparked a feud, leaving her to wonder if she’s the villain or just fed up.

Imagine a cluttered kitchen, pots simmering, and a grocery list slapped down like a challenge. Her patience frays as she wipes down counters, only to be called lazy for not dashing out for noodles. Readers can smell the tension—part burnt garlic, part unspoken resentment. This isn’t just about pasta; it’s about who carries the load when love and chores collide.

‘AITA for refusing to go to the store when my significant other cooks meals for me?’

My signifiant other (M38) and I (F35) have lived together for over a year. His mother and our daughter (F13) are also in the home. He is the primary cook in the home as he prefers to cook and is picky about how the food is prepared. He also does the majority of the shopping because he prefers to shop at certain stores.

I do also cook occasionally and pay for meals when we order out. Additionally when I give him money to assist with bills I give extra to help pay for food costs. I do also clean the kitchen after each meal which is not a small task because he doesn't clean as he cooks and typically any thing he touches in the meal prep process is left out.

None of this bothers me so much as when he asks me to go to the store for last minute ingredients. For some reason he never has all the ingredients right before the meal needs to be cooked. For instance tonight, he starts cooking pasta at 6:45pm and right before he cooks he forgot that we did not have noodles. He started planning dinner at 10am.

He then expects me to drop anything I am doing to go to the store to get the items. When I say

Every day leading up to the holiday he says no, then inevitably the day of the holiday he needs a few ingredients. I ask him all the time just to be thoughtful of my time because I could end up having to make trips to the store everyday due to his poor planning. I am starting to feel he does this as a way to make me earn my meal. AITA?

Dinner prep shouldn’t feel like a power struggle, but this couple’s kitchen is a battleground. She cleans and funds meals, yet her partner’s last-minute store runs pile on extra work, with accusations of laziness if she balks. His failure to plan—forgetting pasta for a pasta dish—smacks of carelessness, or worse, a subtle flex of control. Her pushback isn’t just about noodles; it’s a stand for fairness.

Household labor often tilts unevenly. A 2022 Pew Research study found 59% of women in cohabiting relationships feel they do more chores than their partner (source: Pew Research). Here, his cooking monopoly doesn’t justify leaving her to scramble. The pattern—ignoring her offers to shop early—hints at weaponized incompetence, where poor planning becomes someone else’s burden.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Small acts of consideration build partnership” (source: Gottman Institute). His refusal to respect her time undermines that. Dr. Gottman’s lens suggests she’s right to demand change—her labor deserves respect, not extra errands.

What’s the fix? A calm sit-down to redivide chores—maybe she cooks some nights, or he cleans if she shops last-minute. Delivery services like Instacart could ease the strain.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit brought the heat, tossing out takes sharper than a chef’s knife. Here’s what the crew served up:

PittieLover1 − NTA, but I’m left wondering if he does other things that show he doesn’t respect you. Is this the tip of the iceberg?

Reasonable-Ad-3605 − Ya know, I was ready to go the opposite way here because they're doing most of the mental and physical labor here but who the hell doesn't check if they have pasta before preparing a pasta meal. Plus you're trying to preempt the issue. NTA. He needs to figure out how to shop/ask for materials ahead of time or switch to Blue apron. 

BerserkerRed − I was going to say yes but the last bit is 100% weaponized incompetence. I say that as a dude. NTA your partner sounds manipulative. Like why do this? It’s not not hard to check to see what you need and plan even a little in advance

TheHatOnTheCat − NTA if this is a recurring issue. That said, you probably need to have a conversation with him about it at a neutral time and at least offer to adjust who does what chores. Let your partner that you'd like to discuss the division chores. Are you equally happy cooking or cleaning? If so, then talk about it.

Say you know he prefers to cook, and you appreciate what he makes (if you do). However, you are also happy to cook yourself. If he expects you to both clean and go pick up last minute items at the store when he is cooking, that feels like more work to you then cooking yourself.

If he feels like he is doing most of the work, could you guys adjust so that you do some of the nights of cooking? Maybe even split the nights evenly and have each person shop and clean up after themselves? That way it's fair and no one's cooking style creates extra work for anyone else.

It sounds like he won't like this, but if you have an issue you have to be willing to do the work he's doing. Honestly, if this is rare and you like his cooking, I'd do him this favor. But if it's happening a lot, maybe agree in advance that either he needs to handle it himself on nights he cooks or that he'll take over cleaning if you have to take an extra trip to the store. Honestly, if he has to clean up after himself he might become neater.

ResearcherNo8377 − NTA this seems like a weird power play if it’s happening every day. He’s creating a crisis and making you fix it. Especially for something like planning a pasta dish and then not having noodles. This is not just missing out on a cilantro/parsley garnish.

This is the core meal. The whole thing reads as him being controlling. I’m picky about food and like it to be prepared in fun ways with lots of flavor but I have 2 young kids and they’re not super into my creations so sometimes I take the L and make nuggets.

zuzzyb80 − What has the set up been before this if you've lived together for a year but have a 13 year old together? His behavior does sound frustrating but are there some other factors at play?

earthenlily − NTA, I make a meal with ingredients I have in the house. If I forgot something, I make something else instead. No pasta? That sucks I forgot, I’ll make rice instead and get pasta for next time. Having you go out every time is weird and definitely a result of poor planning. I keep staples topped up at home and the rest I’m flexible about. Having to drive to get stuff seems so unnecessary.

Acotar47 − You have a 13 year old daughter with your s/o that you have lived with for over a year? What in the AI?

invisible-bug − INFO. Why can't he run out and buy these ingredients himself?

NotThisAgain234 − NTA. DoorDash or InstaCart shoppers will be happy to hop to. Or whatever similar service exists in your area.

These bites are tangy, but do they taste the full dish? Maybe there’s a flavor we’re missing.

This woman’s kitchen standoff isn’t just about missing noodles—it’s about respect and who’s left holding the grocery bag. Saying no to last-minute runs was her line in the sand, but the real question is what comes next. If you were in her apron, how would you balance love, chores, and a partner’s quirks? Toss your thoughts below and let’s stir the pot.

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