AITA for refusing to go to my sister’s wedding if she uses her dream wedding planner?

The sparkle of an engagement ring once promised a fairy-tale wedding, but for one woman, it ended in heartbreak when her fiancé left her for their wedding planner. Three years later, the wounds still sting as her sister’s engagement brings a fresh twist: her mother hired the business partner of that same planner, now co-owner of the firm. Every dollar spent feels like a betrayal, fueling the woman’s pain as her family dismisses her hurt for the sake of a status-driven celebration.

Her ultimatum—refusing to attend the wedding unless they switch planners—drew tears from her sister and accusations of pettiness from her mom. As Reddit debates her stand, the clash of loyalty and lingering scars takes center stage. This story of family ties and past betrayals asks: when does standing up for your pain outweigh a loved one’s big day?

‘AITA for refusing to go to my sister’s wedding if she uses her dream wedding planner?’

The woman’s refusal to attend her sister’s wedding is a raw expression of unresolved trauma from her ex-fiancé’s affair with her wedding planner. Her family’s choice to hire the planner’s business partner, despite knowing the history, prioritizes image over her emotional well-being, deepening her sense of betrayal. While the partner isn’t directly responsible, his financial ties to the affair partner make the decision feel like a slap in the face.

Dr. Shirley Glass, an expert on infidelity, notes, “Healing from betrayal requires sensitivity from loved ones to avoid re-traumatizing”. The mother and sister’s dismissal of her feelings as petty ignores the lingering impact of public humiliation and self-esteem damage. Their focus on securing a prestigious planner aligns with a broader trend: 40% of weddings prioritize social status over family harmony, per a 2024 WeddingWire report.

The woman’s ultimatum, while drastic, is a boundary to protect her mental health. Her family’s refusal to consider alternative planners—likely plentiful in a major city—suggests a lack of empathy. Dr. Glass advises family mediation to acknowledge her pain and explore compromises, like hiring a different firm. If they remain dismissive, her absence may be a necessary act of self-care, prompting readers to reflect on balancing family duty with personal healing.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit strongly backed the woman, labeling her not the asshole for prioritizing her emotional health. Commenters were appalled at her family’s insensitivity, arguing that countless other planners could deliver a dream wedding without reopening old wounds. They saw the choice as a deliberate slight, valuing status over loyalty, and supported her boycott as justified.

Some urged petty revenge, like negative reviews of the planner’s business, but most focused on her right to set boundaries. The community agreed: her family’s refusal to switch planners shows a lack of care, and her absence from the wedding is a fair consequence. Reddit’s take? Her pain deserves respect, not dismissal.

This wedding planner drama lays bare the cost of family choices that ignore past hurts. The woman’s stand against her sister’s wedding risks a rift but guards her heart from fresh pain. How do you balance supporting a loved one’s joy with protecting your own scars? Share your thoughts below.