AITA for refusing to go to my brother’s wedding if my son can’t go?

In a small town where high school rivalries linger like stubborn fog, one man finds himself caught in a family feud that’s more soap opera than sitcom. When his brother’s fiancée, Tara, bans his 5-year-old son, Jason, from their upcoming wedding over a decade-old grudge, emotions flare brighter than a bonfire at a family reunion. The tension is palpable, as old wounds clash with modern loyalties, leaving readers wondering: how far should family go to keep the peace?

This tale of loyalty and pettiness unfolds against the backdrop of a wedding meant to unite, but instead divides. The original poster (OP), a devoted father, grapples with his brother’s plea to prioritize the bride’s happiness over his son’s inclusion. With Reddit buzzing over the drama, this story invites us to question where we draw the line between personal grudges and family bonds.

‘AITA for refusing to go to my brother’s wedding if my son can’t go?’

My brother’s (30m) soon-to -be wife Tara (26f) went to the same highschool as me. She was one grade below me but we all knew eachother. I (27m) have a 5 year old son with an Ex girlfriend who also went to school with us. My ex and my brother’s girlfriend hated eachother.

They were on the same drill team and idk were jealous of eachother, it was some old bs petty highschool rivalry. Then I guess it got bad because they were both crushing on the same guy and he got with my ex after he rejected Tara. I got with my ex in college. It was a brief thing, we broke up right before my son Jason was born.

He’s with me full-time and my ex is in the picture sometimes but not that much. I found out over a year ago my brother was in a relationship with Tara. And now they’re engaged gonna get married in November. Haven’t been around Tara much because I’m busy with my own life. When invitations went out my brother called me.

He said Tara didn’t like Jason being there at their wedding (they’ve never met before) because he’s the son of my ex. She just doesn’t like the idea of her “sworn enemy’s” son being at her wedding. I didn’t think he was serious because that was all years ago and we’re you know....adults now. My ex isn’t even in our lives so it’s not like she’ll be there.

I kind of got mad at my brother that he’d be cool with his own nephew not being at his wedding. All my other siblings are bringing their kids. My brother pleaded me to go along with this because he wants her to be happy on their special day. So I said you know what fine. But if my son isn’t allowed at the wedding then I won’t be going either.

Now my brother’s the one mad at me for turning this into a big deal because he wants his family there. But he’s just caught between a rock and a hard place. My parents agree she’s being ridiculous and are berating my brother. My other siblings think I should’ve just agreed and not turn this whole thing into a bigger drama.

So I’m on the fence about how I handled things here. If it was a no kids wedding then I’d get that and yeah it is their special day. But my son is the only one not allowed to be there and I don’t feel right with excluding him over something childish that was 10 years ago. AITA?

Weddings are supposed to be about love, but this one’s brewing a storm of resentment. Tara’s refusal to invite Jason, a child she’s never met, over a high school feud with his mother raises eyebrows. As Family Psychology notes, unresolved conflicts can ripple through families, creating tension where unity should thrive. Tara’s grudge, now targeting an innocent child, suggests deeper emotional baggage that could haunt future family gatherings.

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The OP’s stance—refusing to attend without his son—reflects a protective instinct. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “The greatest gift a parent can give a child is unconditional love and support” . Here, OP prioritizes Jason’s dignity over appeasing Tara’s demands. Tara’s actions, however, stem from insecurity, likely fueled by her past rejection. Her exclusion of Jason feels less about the child and more about settling an old score.

This situation mirrors broader issues of blended family dynamics. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 40% of remarriages face challenges due to unresolved conflicts from past relationships . Tara’s behavior risks alienating her new family, as excluding a child sets a divisive precedent. For OP, standing firm is about more than one day—it’s about ensuring Jason’s place in the family long-term.

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Solutions? Communication is key. OP could propose a neutral family meeting to address Tara’s concerns, emphasizing Jason’s innocence. Tara might benefit from therapy to unpack her grudge, fostering healthier family ties. Both sides need empathy—OP for Tara’s feelings, and Tara for Jason’s right to belong. This wedding could be a chance to heal, not divide, if all parties choose growth over grudges.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. From calling Tara “Bitter Betty” to predicting a rocky marriage, the community rallied behind OP’s loyalty to his son. Here’s the unfiltered pulse of the crowd:

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cynthiasophia − NTA - if it was a no kids event then I would say no biggie but since kids ARE allowed, the bride is being the AH. It’s not your son’s fault that the bride has something against his mother - good on you for standing up for your son. I know this might be a slippery slope fallacy but if you allow it for the wedding, what else is she going to exclude your son from? Just doesn’t make much sense on her end

[Reddit User] − NTA ask him what the long term plan is. Is he planning on cutting his nephew out of his life forever due to his fiancé/wife’s childhood feud with the child’s practically non existent mother. Does this mean she will make him or expect you to miss family events/Christmas/birthdays etc if your child is there?

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Where are the boundaries that she expects around your son? Because believe me, not attending the wedding is just the first step. Your brother needs to think long and hard about this situation and what it will really mean for his future relationships with his family.

philip_regular − 'Now my brother’s the one mad at me for turning this into a big deal because he wants his family there.' Reread that. He wants his family there but he doesn't want your son there because Tara will be upset. So your son is not part of the family? Also, if you let this slide this one time, what about next time?

What about all the family gatherings and holidays? What if their defense is, this is her big day so it's only going to happen once - can anyone absolutely guarantee that? What if Tara starts threatening your brother and say she won't go because Jason is there?

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What if they have kids and Tara is holding the kids back because Jason is there? Can anyone be sure that will not and will never happen? If Tara is treating a 5 year old CHILD like that, she's not going to get better. Stand up for your child.

runedued − Your brother is gonna regret this marriage. What kind of adult holds a grudge against a child for something they weren’t alive for that one of their parents did. I highly suggest you meet with them, both families included and have a frank discussion.

SevsMumma21217 − NTA. It starts with the wedding and then what? You and your brother start trading off on who shows up to family gatherings because this immature little girl wants to punish an actual child for some petty high-school drama that happened years ago?

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Did your brother really expect you to be ok with this? If he wants to commit his life to being miserable with Bitter Betty, that's his business. But you don't need to buy into. Keep protecting your child.

HowardProject − NTA - Your brother needs an intervention or something.... He's marrying someone who hates and intends to visibly exclude his own FIVE YO NEPHEW from his life.... Is he for real?!?

Eve-3 − Nta. Maybe in a couple of years you can bring your son to the divorce.

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DemonicAnjul − NTA. It STARTS with excluding your son from the wedding. Eventually Tara will exclude him from other events that involve her and her kids. 'I don't want my kids to associate with the child of my sworn enemy' Good job standing up for your son. Your siblings and Tara are all jerks for thinking it's okay to exclude one child for such a stupid reason

LikeAPlane − INFO. Then I guess it got bad because they were both crushing on the same guy and he got with my ex after he rejected Tara. Is your brother really cool with his bride being *so* hung up on some other guy, that she still refers to the woman who got him as her 'sworn enemy' and finds even the sight of that enemy's child to be too traumatic a reminder?

JudgeJudAITA − NTA - Tara is setting the terms for **her** special day. You are accommodating her wishes in the way that protects your son. Now if your brother has different terms than his bride for **their** special day, they get to work it out.

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These Redditors brought the heat, cheering OP’s stand while roasting Tara’s pettiness. Some warned of future family rifts, others questioned Tara’s maturity. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just fanning the drama?

This story leaves us pondering the weight of old grudges versus family unity. OP’s choice to prioritize his son over a wedding invite speaks to the fierce love of parenthood, but it also risks fracturing sibling bonds. Tara’s refusal to move past high school drama casts a shadow over her new chapter, raising questions about forgiveness and maturity. As the Reddit community weighs in, the real challenge lies in finding a path forward that honors all family ties. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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