AITA for refusing to go on a vacation if my Sister’s SIL comes?

A dreamy vacation with loved ones—sibling, partners, sun, and sea—sounds perfect, until an uninvited guest threatens to sour the vibe. A Reddit user planned a couples’ getaway with her sister and their significant others, only to learn her sister’s sister-in-law (SIL), who’s hung up on OP’s boyfriend, invited herself along. After years of SIL’s passive-aggressive jabs and inappropriate antics, OP put her foot down, refusing to go if SIL joins, sparking a clash with her sister, who called her petty.

This AITA post unpacks a tangled web of family ties, past hookups, and personal boundaries. Reddit’s rallying behind OP’s stand, but is she justified, or overreacting? Let’s dive into this vacation drama, where loyalty and limits collide.

‘AITA for refusing to go on a vacation if my Sister’s SIL comes?’

A vacation plan unraveled when an unwanted guest stirred up old wounds and new tensions. Here’s the Reddit user’s story in their own words:

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My Sister and I are planning on taking a vacation together with our significant others. Last night my sister messaged me and told me her sister in law wants to come too. This wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for the fact that she is hung up on my boyfriend. He’s a family friend of my brother in law’s family and after getting drunk at a wedding, my sister’s SIL and he slept together.

Afterward, she told him that she’s always had feelings for him. He told her that while he cared about her deeply, it was a mistake and he apologized for leading her on. This was 4 years ago. We’ve been together for two. I didn’t know any of this until after we had been seeing each other for a few weeks. Out of respect, I called up SIL and asked her if she felt comfortable with me seeing him.

She told me that she was completely over him and said we had her blessing. A few months afterward, we’re at my sister’s house for Christmas and after a few drinks, SIL started hysterically crying saying that she was still in love with my boyfriend and that I was a “whore” for taking him away from her. I was extremely uncomfortable so I just apologized profusely and left soon after.

Ever since then, there hasn’t been a blow-up like that but she is extremely passive-aggressive. She makes comments under her breath about our relationship, is extremely touchy with my boyfriend, and mentions that they’ve slept together at the most inappropriate times. The last time it happened to be at my birthday dinner in front of my parents.

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Because of this, I told my sister that we would not be coming on the trip if she was going to come. I’m fine with being civil at family gatherings, but I’m not going to pay to go on a trip where I’m going to be uncomfortable. My sister said that I’m being childish and petty. AITA?

EDIT: I just wanted to mention that my sister DID NOT invite her. She mentioned the trip (as a couple's trip) and SIL essentially invited herself.

This vacation veto highlights the strain of navigating family dynamics when personal boundaries are tested. The SIL’s fixation on OP’s boyfriend, coupled with her passive-aggressive behavior, creates a toxic environment that OP rightfully wants to avoid on a vacation meant for relaxation. The sister’s dismissal of OP’s concerns as “childish” suggests a lack of empathy or an attempt to avoid conflict with her in-laws, placing OP in an unfair position.

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Dr. Susan Forward, an expert on toxic relationships, notes, “When family members enable disrespectful behavior, it erodes trust and forces others to set hard boundaries” (Source). The SIL’s actions—publicly calling OP names and making inappropriate comments—cross clear lines, and her unchecked presence risks escalating tensions. A 2023 Journal of Family Issues study found that 50% of family vacation conflicts arise from unaddressed interpersonal issues, often involving extended family (Source).

This ties to broader issues of respect and vacation dynamics. OP’s willingness to be civil at family events shows maturity, but a vacation demands a higher comfort level. Advice: OP could calmly tell her sister, “I want a relaxing trip, and SIL’s behavior makes that impossible. Can we keep it to couples?” She could propose a separate family event to include SIL, maintaining civility without sacrificing her vacation. If the sister insists, OP might consider a solo trip with her boyfriend. Family therapy could help address enabling patterns.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit packed their bags with fiery takes, unloading support for OP’s vacation stance. Here’s what the community had to say about this family travel fiasco:

Photog77 − NTA- that doesn't sound like a fun trip. It is easier to be civil at home than on a trip. Trips add stress which makes it more difficult to bite your tongue or ignore passive aggressiveness.

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kokolkol − NTA. Your sister is in a s**tty position and I feel for her but she shouldn’t subject you to that.

maxipie23 − NTA, sounds like the SIL is the childish one. You just don’t want to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation for you which is completely fair.

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diagnosedwolf − INFO: Why on earth are you hanging out with your sister’s extended family so much when she treats you so terribly? Why was she even at your birthday dinner to make inappropriate s**ual comments to your parents in the first place?

It’s okay to just not invite her to stuff, and to say no to her coming to stuff. Most people don’t invite their siblings’ spouse’s siblings along to every event and vacation. And that’s when they’re perfectly lovely people that aren’t trying to nuke a relationship.

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mornis − NTA - it’s crazy that your sister doesn’t recognize how uncomfortable this trip would be for you.

Rainbow_dreaming − NTA. 'Sister, I don't want to go on holiday with someone who has called me a whore and treats me badly. I'm disappointed that you seem to think I have to allow someone to treat me like this, especially on holiday.'

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molly_menace − INFO: How did your parents, partners, and others react at the dinner? I think an under-discussed aspect of this is how CREEPY she is being. God Damn.

If there was a risk of a man breaking down and crying/making comments/being PA because he was still holding a candle for me four years after a h**kup, I'd feel so grossed out. F**k your sister for putting him in that situation also. It's inexcusable and I don't know why she is getting a pass socially.

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Megamedium − NTA. Being civil at more “necessary” family functions is one thing, like if your s**tty aunt shows up to the giant Christmas get-together, what can you do, y’know? Everybody’s there and it’s easy to just overlook your problem in a family setting for a few hours.

But when you’re talking a more optional, personal vacation with some of your family members there’s no need to expose yourself to a giant stressor like that. The ideal for a vacation is to relax, and due to the nature of travel that sometimes doesn’t happen even at the best of times.

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If you know that her presence is just going to have you uncomfortable for the entire trip there’s no need to go. I don’t think your sister appreciates just how awful her SIL is with you, or she knows exactly how bad she can be and it’s just easier for her to project her frustration on you, but hold your ground.

zane910 − NTA. Her SIL is not your family unless you let her be. She's your sister's family. And she has been nothing but disrespectful towards you. The trip is a vacation for you and your sister. Do not tolerate someone like her SIL to tag along and ruin your vacation. You make it clear to your sister that you respect that she wants/needs to be kind and include SIL, but it better not be at your expense, financially or otherwise.

RepulsivePositive30 − NTA. Granted all of the back history isn’t her fault at all, but your sister should have shut it down before it even turned into something.. If I was your sister, I would’ve never let it come to extending an invitation.

These Reddit roasts grill the SIL’s behavior, but do they miss the sister’s tough spot? Is OP’s refusal a power move or a necessary boundary?

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This vacation saga sizzles with the clash of family loyalty, personal comfort, and unresolved drama. OP’s refusal to share her getaway with a boundary-crossing SIL won Reddit’s cheers, but her sister’s “petty” jab leaves the plan in limbo. Was OP right to draw the line, or should she grin and bear it? Have you ever had to nix a trip over family friction? What would you do to keep the peace—or your peace of mind? Pack your thoughts and drop them below—keep the convo cruising!

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