AITA for refusing to go in another room so my fiancé and the baby could sleep alone?

In a dimly lit home, the soft cries of a two-month-old echo through the night, mingling with the rumble of a new dad’s snores. Fresh from her baby’s vaccinations, a breastfeeding mom pleads for quiet, but her fiancé, bleary-eyed from late-night gaming, clings to their shared bed. This Reddit tale crackles with tension—exhaustion, love, and clashing priorities collide in a sleep-deprived standoff. It’s a raw glimpse into the chaos of new parenthood, where every choice feels like a battlefield.

The stakes are high: a fussy baby, a mom pushed to her limits, and a dad grappling with his own fatigue. Readers can’t help but wince at the image of a mother curled up on the nursery floor, blanketless, while her partner sleeps soundly. This story begs the question: where’s the line between self-care and selfishness? Let’s dive into the drama.

‘AITA for refusing to go in another room so my fiancé and the baby could sleep alone?’

My fiancé 'Jen' (29f) just gave birth to our daughter 2 months ago. She strictly breastfeeds, so as you can imagine, she gets far less sleep than I do. During the day I help with changing or holding her but all feedings are up to Jen (the baby outright refuses a bottle- we have tried several times, but ultimately we are both okay with this).

Anyways, I'm kind of a independent start up video game developer. I did make one video game 2 years ago but it honestly wasn't that great. So while I do get revenue from it, it's definitely not much or even a liveable wage. This time around however I'm working with 4 other people and the game is turning out great. I also work a 9-5.

But after getting home, having dinner with my fiancé and looking after the baby for awhile, I jump on and work on the game. For the past 2-3 nights I have been up til 1-2am working on the game and I have been ultra tired. I snore like a maniac when I'm tired. It's super embarrassing because I truly sound like a mack truck.

But yesterday the baby had her 2 months shots and she was so fussy. Cried way more than normal. It was super hard for my fiancé to get her to sleep. I finally went to bed around 2am and my fiancé immediately asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn't wake the baby with my snoring. I said no.

I was so tired and the couch is not comfortable at all. I had to work early. I wanted to sleep. She didn't fight it but she called me a 'f**king p**ck' and walked out of the room with the baby. I woke up this morning to the baby in the crib in the nursery and my fiancé asleep on the floor with no pillows/blankets. She still won't talk to me.

New parenthood is a sleepless tightrope walk, and this couple’s clash lays bare its brutal toll. The dad’s refusal to leave the bedroom, knowing his snoring disrupts his fiancé and baby, feels like a fumble in a delicate dance. His exhaustion from late-night gaming is self-inflicted, while his fiancé’s sleep deprivation—tied to breastfeeding and a fussy newborn—is non-negotiable. Her sharp words reflect desperation, not malice, in a high-stakes moment.

Postpartum sleep deprivation isn’t just tiring; it’s a health risk. Studies show 80% of new mothers experience disrupted sleep, increasing postpartum depression odds. Breastfeeding demands rest and hydration, which the fiancé lacks. The dad’s snoring, untreated, adds insult to injury.

Dr. Rachel Manber, a sleep expert, notes, “Addressing sleep disturbances like snoring is critical for family well-being, especially in early parenthood”. Here, the dad’s inaction—ignoring snoring solutions or alternative sleeping arrangements—strains his partnership. Dr. Manber’s insight highlights the need for proactive steps to support both parents’ rest. Solutions include sleep apnea testing, nasal strips, or a temporary air mattress elsewhere. The dad should apologize, take on extra parenting tasks, and prioritize communication to rebuild trust.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s got no chill on this one, unloading a barrage of tough love and fiery takes. Here’s the scoop from the community—blunt, passionate, and ready to call it like they see it.

BatpigMama − YTA. and anyone who voted you NTA because being “two new stressed out parent” is also an AH. Do they know what combo is required for a breastfeeding mother to keep & maintain a milk supply. Sleep,not stress, proper diet and water…

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The man knows he snores, and snores hard. He willing stayed awake to work on a video game that is NOT his primary income until 2am KNOWING he needed to be up for his full time primary job early in the morning. HE MADE THAT CHOICE. willingly.

While he KNEW his daughter got shots and was in a fussy mood, his wife struggled to get the baby down once already… So he goes in the room and starts snoring and then wakes the baby, and refuses to leave when asked because “hes tired” … aww boo hoo, poor you..

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Your wife has no choice to be up with the baby, feed the baby Etc ….. You had a choice to go to bed early and you chose not too.. That aside, are you aware of the % of accidents, baby drops,heighten risk of ppa/ppd that a new mother goes through when sleep deprived ….

Kay_-jay_-bee − You know what’s less comfortable than the couch? Chronic sleep deprivation from a baby using you as their personal milk machine every 90-120 minutes for months at a time, and the overwhelming pressure of being solely responsible

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for keeping a fussy baby alive with your boobs while you come down from the biggest hormone shift a person can experience in their lives.. YTA. Volunteer to do all the diapers for the next few nights and get some breathe right strips.

[Reddit User] − YTA - you know that your fiance is sleep deprived and is breastfeeding (so she needs to be healthy and rested) and yet you displaced her and your newborn at 2AM because you didn’t want to sleep on the couch? That was incredibly selfish.

Your fiance slept on the floor with no pillow or blanket. Are you always this selfish? Your baby needs sleep. Your fiance needs sleep. I don’t feel badly for you being tired when you choose to game until 2AM.. You owe her a MASSIVE apology

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LoveBeach8 − YTA. Has it ever occurred to you that you're looking at everything wrong?. Don't look at your actions as 'helping with THE baby' or 'looking after THE baby for awhile.'. This is YOUR baby, too! It's not just your fiancée's baby and you're not just a part-time helper!! Give her a break!

Do more with YOUR baby. And enjoy these beautiful moments because they go by so fast. EDIT: Please get tested for sleep apnea as well as finding out what can help you with the loud snoring. And get an air mattress or something to sleep on when your snoring is too disruptive.

[Reddit User] − What the f**k is with men refusing to do anything about their snoring, and not giving a s**t about how it effects their partners? I see it all the time on reddit, and I've had multiple exes who all gave me the same problem. It is astounding how aggressively selfish people can be. YTA. Get your head out of your ass and go see a god damn doctor. You are failing as a partner.

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Throhwehweh − Are you an actual father or just the oldest child in the house?. You CHOSE to work on a video game* after full time work hours.. You CHOSE to stay up late. You CHOSE to be an a**hole and insist that your sleep is more important than your partner plus 2mo baby’s quality of sleep..

You CHOSE YOURSELF over your family. You CHOSE an unconstructed video game over them. They do NOT CHOSE to stay up late nor chose to agree with being woken up because of your poor choices. YTA.

magicmamalife − Yeah YTA. Our kids ate sick right now. Like so much phlegm and coughing. So when both the 2 and 4 year olds needed me to snuggle last night my husband went to the couch. Did it suck for him? Yes. Does he work a very busy executive job?

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Yes. Did it suck for me to get coughed on all night. Yes. But guess what, we are both parents and we do what we gotta. I guarantee your fiancee has it worse. Breastfeeding requires almost 25% of your bodies energy. She's never really turning off parent mode, even in her sleep.

She always has an ear out for baby. Probably bc you can't even go sleep on the couch so I bet you aren't actually helping/waking up with her. You can't 'help' your fiancee with your kid. It's called parenting and it's your job too.

Fuzzy-Constant − YTA. You're being selfish. Your wife IS DOING ALL THE FEEDINGS. Literally the LEAST you could do is not disturb her and the baby when they're trying to sleep. Solve the problem. Get a cot or a sleeping bag or an air mattress or a damn hotel room. Then talk to your doctor about the snoring!

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KartlindWitch − YTA - Your fiance is right about you. She is taking nearly full care of a fussy newborn on minimal sleep and you think it's okay disrupt her AND the baby's sleep even more and then cite your little late night hobby

as an actual valid reason to treat her like that? You are an a**hole. PS, I am a software dev and I have some small apps on the market too and I would NEVER dream of treating the people I love the way you do. Shape up.

HoshiJones − Aww, you're tired, you poor thing. Get your snoring ass out of that bedroom, go to a sleep doctor, and try to dredge up some F**KING EMPATHY for your fiancé.. YTA.

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These Reddit roasts are spicy, but do they miss the messiness of new-parent stress?

This Reddit saga leaves us pondering: how do new parents balance their own needs with family harmony? The dad’s choice to prioritize his comfort over his fiancé’s rest paints a stark picture of partnership under pressure. Sleep is gold in parenthood, and empathy is the glue. What would you do in this sleep-starved standoff? Drop your thoughts below—have you faced similar newborn-nightmare moments? Let’s keep the convo rolling.

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